And you are?
by MrsMailJeevas
Summary: When Matt loses his memory from an accident Mello doesn't know what to do with himself. Upon discovering the new Matt it seems that the car accident has created more problems than originally. Can Mello restore Matt's memory and keep the 'advances' away.
1. Joking confusion

Authors note: Another new story idea. If it doesn't get any reviews then I won't continue it. Also I only have a slight idea where Manchester Royal Infirmary is but it had a pretty name and so I used it. Please read, review and enjoy. Please review.

Joking confusion

Mello stifled a sigh as he glared at the computer screen doing his best to keep calm. Matt was supposed to call him back nearly an hour ago and here it was, two hours later, and still no calls. He bit back the impulse to call him himself mostly out of pride than anything else. He wasn't worried about Matt's driving. The man could drive the hell out of his import it was just that there were a few complications on the road tonight. It had been snowing for nearly three days straight and there weren't enough plows out on the streets in order to keep the snow and ice off of all the main roads let alone the back ones. After living with Matt most of his life there were a few truths that he had learned about the red head's driving:

1. Matt never obeyed traffic laws.  
>2. Matt never slowed down due to impairment of the road. That was apparently belittling his driving skills.<br>3. Asking Matt to be safe was like telling him to take his goggles off and leave them in the living room all day. You just don't do it.

So nearly two hours ago they parted on their usual goodbyes and Mello had been a nervous wreck ever since willing even a text message to come through telling him that the red head was alright.

The phone under him buzzed loudly and he released his breath. He picked it up and pressed the glowing green button. "Matt, so help me if you think this is a joke it's not." He glanced over his shoulder at the group of men playing cards. This lot sure was boring when they weren't doing anything illegal. Without instruction they could barely cheat properly at a game of cards. He shook his head, there were not five Ace's in any normal deck of cards. "I can hear your dumbass snickering, what are you doing?"

The red head was silent for a few more seconds before the distant sound of a lighter being flicked sounded in the background. "Yea, I'm driving and calling you back at the same time. That's what I'm doing, you're too young to be worrying about the likes of me Mel. You'll-" He paused for several seconds before cursing under his breath, "get wrinkles. You know how much you like looking pretty. You're such a Queen."

The blond snorted, "We've gone through this Matt. Don't call me that again or I'll be forced to knock you on your ass again. The day you can beat me in a fight is the day you can start calling me names. I'm Catholic."

Matt grunted. "We've gone through this Mello. Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods. The day you start being a real Catholic is the same day that I stop calling you a Queen."

"Did Matt go through all the trouble of turning on his computer, connecting to the Internet and looking up the ten commandments for my sake? How kind of you, feeling the need to adopt a faith that's not Mario heathen?" He questioned as Matt spurted with laughter on the other end. "I think you need religion in your life, you may learn something."

Matt continued his laughter, "Whatever you say Mel, much like Catholicism, Mario is a cult not a religion."

Mello hissed, "There is so much wrong with that statement I'm not even going to comment. When will you be home, I won't be back until tomorrow night sometime." He cold faintly hear the static pick up, "Are you driving through a- Matt? Matt?" He glanced at the phone frowning at the 'call dropped' that flashed in front of his face. At least he knew he was safe.

* * *

><p>"Hello?" Mello whispered glancing blearily at the clock in his bedroom barely being able to make the time out. "Matt is that you? You should have been here hours ago."<p>

"Excuse me sir, are you the 'Mel' listed within this phone?" A young woman's voice began slowly picking her words carefully. "Could you please tell me the identity of the red head gentleman with this phone and your involvement with him. It seems that he got into a very bad accident on the road and completely totaled his vehicle. He does not have any remembrance of where he was going or why but you were the last contacted in his cellular phone."

The blond bolted up glancing at the phone. Yeah, this was definitely a call from Matt's phone. "Ah, yeah I'm Mel. Where is he currently, I'm the closest thing he has to any relatives now. Could you tell me where he's located. I'm on my way."

"Manchester Royal Infirmary sir." She replied immediately. "We can continue the questions when you arrive. Could you please tell us what to call him by?"

"Matt, he answers to Matt."

* * *

><p>"Matt?" Mello hissed as he entered the room shooting towards the injured red head. "I told you to stay safe and you don't listen to anything. Why are you telling them you don-"<p>

"You're a cutie, are you my new nurse?" The man replied tilting his head to the side. "What's your name, cutie?"

Blue eyes narrowed, "I'm a Queen, haha, very funny Matt. I'm serious."

Intelligent green eyes blinked slowly as he smiled, "Is that my name cutie? Do you know me because since I woke up I don't remember anything about anything. I have a feeling I should be put on the back of a milk carton."

Mello shook his head, "We're roommates. We're best friends and we have been since we were little. You're joking about all of this because I'm starting to think that I want to wear into your ass for making such a fucked up joke."

A cocky smirk appeared on the others face, "Well Queen, you can wear into my ass any day as long as you look that cute." Matt watched the other blink dumbfounded. "But seriously, maybe you could answer some questions for me. I am Matt, right?" Mello nodded slowly looking a bit uncomfortable. "We're roommates and best friends?" Again Mello nodded. "And we're fuck buddies?"

Mello glared, "No you dumb fuck, I'm Catholic. I don't do dudes, I'm celibate."

The red head looked genuinely hurt. "Man, that's such a shame. Are you sure?"

"Positive. Stop playing." He whispered watching the others eyes trail over his leather clasped form. "You're not playing are you?"

"About not remembering a thing? Nope. About you being sexy as hell? Definitely not." Matt winked, "But I think we can be real close beautiful."

[And here's the first little chapter. I hope you enjoyed and maybe laughed? If not, I am very sorry I fail at making jokes. It would be wonderful if you reviewed and the following chapters will be longer."


	2. No still means no

Authors note: And here is the posting of chapter two. I told you, you didn't have to wait too long. Thank you for all the reviews except the person who commented on that I don't finish my stories. I write what I want, when I want. I post new chapters when I have time and when I have the ability to. Sometimes I run out of ideas and I'll wait for new ones. When they come I write the chapter and post it. Anyway, for those who wanted this here it is. Chapter three is halfway done but I'm leaving town so I won't be able to post it until later. I'm sorry. Please, like before, read, review and enjoy.

No still means no

"Here's your shit." Mello mumbled dropping the packed bag of materials on the hospital bed nearly waiting for the other man to finish going through it. "That's everything you ungrateful heathen." He rolled his eyes instead pulling up a hospital chair and straddling it to sit close to the bed and watch the red head. The more the man pulled out the more there was confusion apparent on his face. It almost made him smile, Matt without a cigarette in his mouth, no stripped shirt and fur jacket and definitely no goggles. His hair was still hanging in his face eclipsing everything but his nose and mouth but even from this view he could tell it wasn't the same man. "That's everything, so stop making that damn confused face, okay?"

The red head nodded slowly, his face twisted into stark confusion before glancing towards the blond. "These are things I deem as essentials if something were to happen to me?" He questioned as the blond nodded slowly.

Mello grinned, "That or you needed to leave somewhere really quickly. You were just paranoid enough that you actually made a list and gave it to me a few years back when we first moved in together. I guess it actually came in handy for something."

He nodded, "Why'd you keep it?' It was said under his breath but he noticed the blond completely ignored it even though he heard it. "A computer, a whole carton of smokes, one change of clothes and a damn game boy? What the fuck is wrong with me? What was I planning to do smoke myself to death but have fun while doing it?" He gestured to the cigarettes and game boy. "I didn't say food or some shit? And how I am supposed to light the damn cigarettes without a lighter blondie?"

"I don't know trust me. I've sat around for hours analyzing Matt and the most I came out with was that he's one paranoid, anti-social bastard." He shook his head slowly. It had been so long that he had even thought of the gamers actions as being weird or strange let alone hear him critiquing himself. "Matt smokes about two packs a day and he needs some form of entertainment to be able to think so that's what's up with the cigarettes and gameboy. Matt doesn't go anywhere without his computer, it's half of his life and the change of clothes he needs for I guess I change of clothes."

"What the fuck is this?" He gestured to the stripped shirt and jeans. "Neo punk rock?" He shook his head slowly before deciding to rub his temples. "Fucking neo punk-" He paused, "Wait did you just say two packs a fucking day?"

Mello snickered, "Yeah it's kinda his thing. And if you think that's neo rock you should have seen the jacket that he wore over it." He glanced at the ceiling. It was surreal talking to Matt about Matt. "Don't frown though, you'll wrinkle your pretty face."

"Come again?" The man pushed the power button on the computer watching it flash to life before looking back at Mello.

"That's one of the last things you said to me before the phone cut out and you had your accident. I've seen your car, it's totaled. Apparently you had your main laptop open in the front seat. The thing was smashed, so it's completely unusable."

He did a one armed shrug still staring at the computer, "A car is a car it's replaceable and so is a laptop."

The chair Mello sat in tilted gently to the side, "That's exactly how I know you're not my Matt." He watched an eyebrow raise. "My Matt would have tackled me for that carton of cigarettes and you haven't even touched them besides to pull them out the bag. He then would have bitched about how the accident had nothing to do with his driving and everything was my fault and cried because that car was the child he was never going to have." He shook his head slowly thinking about how things would play out between the two of them.

Matt rolled his eyes before smirking, "We can make a baby." He leaned forward watching as the blond leaned back to create more space between them. "Frankly speaking if your 'Matt' has never gotten you out of those leathers and given that tight ass of yours a good spanking I don't want to be him. I do plan on doing what I said though. I'll be anything but gentle, rough and hard is all I know." He licked his lips slowly but didn't receive much of a response from the blond other than a blank stare. Maybe blondie was rolling around in the sheets with someone because he sure didn't blush.

Mello sneered, "get any closer and I'm going to lay your ass out lover boy. Hospital or not that's just fucking wrong. Sorry to break it to you but Matt's never touched a woman let alone me." After this conversation he felt like just one shower wouldn't be enough.

The red head grinned, "Aww, are my comments threatening your shining celibacy?" He questioned, "Even if your Matt was a virgin I took care of that last night."

Blue eyes narrowed, "Say what?"

The other lifted his hands like a conductor, "Night shift nurses." He replied with a wink, "How could you blame me? They look so cute." His eyes shifted to Mello. "Don't be jealous, while I was banging her I was thinking about you."

"That sounds like a bad porno. You sick fuck. I'm not even sure on what account I'm talking about anymore." He stared at the man before shaking his head slowly. "I don't believe you. You're lying, Matt can't stand being touched by anyone. It's been like that since he was young."

The other began a grin, "She thought I was cute. Walked in right after I took a shower. Right when I was thinking it was a shame your pretty lips weren't wrapped around my-" Mello looked close to exploding so Matt simmered off. "Right, so she said something like my memory loss won't last long so we should.' He scoffed, "Dumb bitch, this isn't a movie. You're cute enough to be in a movie though."

The other man twitched, "How did she think you were cute with all that hair that lingers over your face? You can't see anything but that vulgar mouth of yours and your nose."

Matt blew his hair once before using his fingers to comb the red locks completely out of his face. He then gave the other man a light smile, "It falls that way, maybe I could clip it back or something once I'm out of here." He leaned forward blinking large green eyes at the blond man. "Am I unattractive Mello? What do you think?"

"I think that's the first time I've seen your pixie looking face since we were kids." He shook his head, "I told you I don't do guys."

Matt shrugged slightly, "You may not do guys, but I sure as hell would do you. Want to do you and will do you. It's just a matter of time." He shrugged, "And by the way what the fuck is my password on this computer?"

[Ending notes: Chapter four should be up when I get back into town. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please review.]


	3. Dark home

[Authors note: Sorry for the delay finally done with all the...extra things I had to do. None the less here is the new chapter and well as long as it took me to write it I don't know how good it is? Weird, huh. Anyway I hope you've enjoyed what you've read so far and I hope that you keep coming back to read more. I'll always be willing to welcome you. Of course, Matt still doesn't remember a thing and he's up to all the same old stuff. So without bothering you anymore please read, review and enjoy. I'll try and update soon when my computer isn't acting awkward.

Dark home

_The distant smell of cigarette smoke is what woke Matt from his sleep. He frowned thinking that Mello had decided to pick up a bad habit to all the good ones like wearing leather and being sexy. Yeah, Mello had some really nice habits that had Matt panting in his sleep. He frowned deeply sitting up staring at the chair that Mello should have been sitting in but instead he saw himself. No, not himself, Matt. The real Matt. The red headed, green eyed, goggle wearing, chain smoking, striped shirt wearing genius. He stared blankly at the other before assuming that he must still be dreaming in this case. There was no way in hell that he could wake up and be looking at himself. _

_"What the hell are you doing here?" He frowned harder at the idea that the other was attempting to interrupt his sleep. If he wanted to come back that would be fine, if he didn't that would be fine too but fucking with his sleep was absolutely unexcuseable. "Are you here to tell me that you want your body back before I can fourth base your blond friend?" He questioned as the red head shook his head slowly blowing out another plumb of graying white smoke into the others face. He coughed waving his hands back and forth, "Then what the fuck do you want?" _

_The gloved hand lingered in front of his face for several seconds before finally dropping. "I'm Matt." He replied seriously watching the other with sunny tent. "You can't be Matt because I'm Matt and you're not me." His face remained completely stoic as he watched the other before smirking, "You can be Mail." He leaned back in the chair, the clicking of the uneven legs adding to the realism of the actual dream. This was fucking insane and he didn't like it one bit. "As for Mello you're fucking with a pretty decent sized time bomb. That's Sex and Catholicism locked into one nice little leather box with a nice blue bow. If I was you I wouldn't try the combination. The fucker's bi-polar, trust me I know. Mello kissed me back when we were kids and the sick fuck freaked out and left me for five years." He pushed his goggles up blinking a few times before lighting a new habit. "The password for the computer is MarioMatt." He watched the other sneer, "I would know, I'm Matt." _

_He waved Matt off considering his words with decent measure. "That's all you wanted from me while you're on vacation?" _

_He shook his head, "About that nice little leather box with a nice blue bow it's mine. I can't allow you or anyone else to have it." He stood strolling leisurely towards the door. "If you keep trying to touch it then you'll have to be dealt with Mail. Oh yeah, and don't touch my shit."_

* * *

><p>"Matt." Mello waited several seconds before kicking the hospital bed. "Matt?" He waited nearly a minute watching the man coddled under nearly four blankets talk quietly in his sleep as if there were someone he was talking to. He even had facial expressions, it was starting to weird him out. "Fuck it." He growled reaching forward beginning to pull the blankets from under the man until he was left with enough exposed body that he could wrap his gloved fingers into his shirt and jerk him awake. He shook the other fiercely before dropping him unceremoniously back on the bed without the least bit of consideration. "I said wake the fuck up. It's check out day and I told your ass to be awake and dressed by time I got here." He placed himself just over the railing of the bed, "Do you know how many fucking favours I had to call in just to get this little bit of time off? Do you know how many people I owe for today?" His eyes narrowed into ice blue slits as the other man looked a mixture of confusion and amusement. "What the fuck are you smiling about?"<p>

He shrugged, "Just thinking by the way you shake me you like it rough to." He watched the other glare at him before chuckling to himself. "It's not easy waking yourself up from such a wonderful dream. Alas, I had you spread eagle and handcuffed to the bed. Just when I was bringing out the whip you began calling my name. I thought it was weird because your mouth wasn't moving in the dream, you were just staring at me with those innocent blue eyes...wanting it. Yeah, you wanted it." He grinned watching Mello create more distance. "Don't be shy now, I'm awake."

Mello gestured to the clothing set out for the red head. "Clothes. Get dressed so I can take you home. I'm liable to go to jail for beating your ass if I hit you here." He crossed his arms watching the other with tired eyes. He looked like he had been up for quite some time but he also looked as if he were used to it at the same time. "The last thing I need right now are police. Get dressed Matt."

He nodded sliding from the bed with ease watching the other with interested eyes. "So, you kissed Matt once?" He asked lightly watching the others eyes narrow but otherwise the blond didn't move an inch. "I'm taking that as a yes. Maybe everything I heard wasn't a complete total fucked drama dream." He shrugged into the loose fitting clothing. He'd thrown a fit refusing to wear Matt's clothing because they looked way too "neo punk" "cliche" and "dated" so Mello, gritting his teeth went home and sorted through the remainder of the red heads belongings until he found this 'normal clothing' and brought it to him. He glanced down at himself, sure it didn't fit as well as it could have and certainly not as well as Mello's leather but it would have to do until he could get home and could find himself some new clothing. At any rate clothing was clothing.

"I didn't kiss Matt." Mello finally replied glancing over his shoulder at the now dressed red head who raised an eyebrow. "We were at our old home, we used to share a room and Matt always leaves his shit all over the place. I tripped over over his useless crap and ended up on top of him." He left out the kiss but Matt got the idea. "I've already told you-"

Matt leaned against the bathroom wall watching the other with a blank stare. Currently his mop head was a God send. "When you made up that story did it sound better and more believable in your head or did it all just come out and sound just as stupid at once?" He flashed the other a wide grin before carrying his hospital gown to the bed and dropping it with ease on the bed. He collected the few things Mello had brought to him over the past few days pushing them into a black and white skull bag frowning at Mello's distain. "So are you just not going to answer, sexy? If you want to experiment there's no reason to touch a woman. We can skip something you're clearly not going to like and get it on. This bed is fine, even the floor, wall...I'm not really picky."

Mello glared up at the other, "I'm not lying. Matt forced himself on me, why would anyone want such an anti-social, stripe wearing nerd?" He folded his arms before pushing himself off the wall gesturing towards the door. "Let's get you checked out of here and home so I can get back to work." He turned the corner striding with purpose towards the elevator.

* * *

><p>"So you rented this car just to take home?" Matt mumbled from the front seat as Mello stared in slightly disdain at the others luggage. "What are you staring at, put my stuff in the back and let's go. I want to see this great place you live in." He sat back in the seat and waited quietly for several minutes before sitting up again. The luggage was sitting exactly where it had previously been, the only thing missing was the blond man standing beside it. He sighed sliding out of the passengers seat before the sound of a cocked gun came. Instantly his hands flew up, "I don't have any money." he whispered afraid his voice would betray him if he spoke any louder than this.<p>

The familiar voice snickered, "I don't want your money, Matt. It seems like since you've lost your memory you've forgotten where all the power is in our friendship and you keep fucking testing me." Mello's voice was dead calm and ice. "I didn't work my way up in the fucking Mafia just to sit here and listen to you prattle on about past shit and my sexuality. I'll tell you this shit only one more time. I'm not gay. I don't like men." He sneered, "Let me put it into your terms, DO. NOT. WANT." It sounded like a chocolate bar was being snapped behind Matt. "If you keep testing me then I'm going to have to show you what Matt already knows about me. Stop fucking with me. Now," He allowed amusement into his voice. "Pick up your own damn bags and get into the fucking car and shut the fuck up."

Matt hoisted his bags into the backseat without a problem before completing the rest of his task. He smartly kept his mouth closed for the first half hour of their journey home before glancing at the blond driver. "You claim that you don't want it but I don't think that's true. I think it's more that you haven't be able to separate your love for Matt and your religion enough for you to make the first move. I also think that everything you pulled out there was bullshit and that you wouldn't actually shoot me if you had the chance. Hell, I don't even believe that it was loaded when you cocked it. You do everything for tactic Mello, I think I've gotten you down." He smirked, if the blond wanted to play games they could play games no problem.

Mello glanced over to the other his face slack of emotion before the gun appeared from no where. He used one hand to open it and the other to steer allowing the other to see the bullets. "When I "play" I "play" hard." He replied blankly as the gun disappeared again. "As for Matt, I don't have a problem with him if he is gay. Truthfully I'd always assumed that he was but his inability to get close to people leave him high and dry when it comes to a lot of things. As long as he's not projecting his gayness on me then I don't have a bit of problem with what he happens to want to do in his spare time."

"Even if it's admiring your ass from behind? Because that's what I do, I'm guessing he does the same thing." Matt glanced up, "When you strolled in and bent down to pick up that paper..." He licked his lips, "I had a hard on before you made it to the bed. God damn that leathers tight."

The gun cocked again to the side of the others head, "You're not very good at this are you?" He hissed his eyes off the road for once. "Keep it up and Imma fucking shoot you."

"You won't shoot your best, oldest friend." Matt replied with a smirk. "As I was saying- It grips your ass and it's shiny. Half the time I wonder which I should be looking at your face or your behind."

Mello smiled prettily, "You're completely right. I won't kill you but-" He brought the gun down across the others face hearing a well deserved crack. "when I say shut the fuck up I mean it."

* * *

><p>"You're fucking crazy." Matt whined curled into a tight ball in the corner of the car. He hadn't managed to get his nose to stop bleeding for the whole trip and he was pretty sure he was going to need another trip to the hospital for his face. "Why would you hit me with your gun? Do you know how dangerous it is? Plus you've killed me, my nose won't stop bleeding. How can anyone be friends with you?" Mello sat outside the car staring up in the cloudy gray sky waiting for the other to be quiet. "How do you expect me to get my bags and keep blood from getting everywhere?"<p>

Mello rolled his eyes, "I only hit you twice stop being such a girl." He pulled himself off the car jerking the door open. "Get out and lets go. You can leave the bag for all I care. It's not my shit." He folded his arms the gun lingering in his left hand unthinkingly. He knew that the red head was looking at it but he didn't care. Mello didn't like power shifts and he certainly wasn't going to allow this new Matt to get to him anytime soon. He frowned, "I said get out of the car and let's go. There are too many people around here for you to be playing around."

The red head glared, "You're the sick fuck waving guns around and bloody hitting people with them. I don't know what the hell has gotten into you but this is bullshit. I rather go back to the hospital with the pretty nurses in their pretty nurse uniforms." He nodded slowly. "I like them, they're nice to me. I could probably find a cute one that was blond." He didn't have time to cower as Mello crossed the space to the car and glared dangerously. It put the glare Matt managed to shame and instantly had the man on his feet pulling the bags out the back of the car with his nose still bleeding.

Blue eyes watched in slight interest as he followed up to the lift with no problem and eventually into the flat. "Don't get blood on the carpet, I'd never be able to get it out." He mumbled sticking the key in the door before waiting several seconds and turning the key. Matt raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything his nose still dripping. "I meant it, no blood on my carpet." He tossed over his shoulder continuing down the hallway into the darkness beyond like Matt should know where he was going on his own.

Matt dropped the bags heavily on the wood flooring unzipping the bag to find himself a shirt. He wrapped the stripped monstrosity around his nose before joining Mello in the darkness. He couldn't feel around the walls simply because his hands had blood on them. The gun wielding blond would flip at the idea of blood on the carpet imagine what he'd do with blood on the walls. He felt himself cross over from the wooden floors into the carpet and paused. His eyes were slowly beginning to adjust to the lighting in the flat. "Mello?"

"What?" The blond called returning with a lit candle in hand. "They're been working on the lights for a week now. Leave it up to Matt to half ass a flat." Mello nearly seemed to be smiling but before Matt couldn't even think about commenting the blond turned away and headed towards another hallway. "Come on, I'll show you around." He shifted before gesturing towards the room they were passing. "This is the room Matt usually lives in with the television and his games and computers. All down due to the power." He turned over his shoulder, "This is where Matt sleeps off his drug fueled nights where he doesn't think I'm coming home."

"That's a kitchen table."

Mello nodded, "I know. Trust me, I know." He passed by it before pointing into the kitchen. "Here's where I prepare dinner and Matt bitches about it." He headed back the way he came shifting past Matt so that he barely felt the other.

He grinned, "So if it can hold one person, how do you think it's willing to do for two?" He watched Mello pause then he suddenly remembered the gun. "I mean-" He frowned, "If it's not sturdy it won't do well to fit your wonderful meals?"

"Matt's room is across the hallway from mine." Mello started as if the other didn't speak and Matt released breath he didn't know that he had been holding. "You better not be dripping on the carpet." He reminded as Matt switched the position of the shirt. "I don't go in there too often, incidentally, neither does he." Mello shoved the door open shaking his head at the mess inside. Matt stood beside the other looking at the wooden flooring that clearly someone had pulled up the carpet. It didn't have it's own bathroom and the floor was littered with clothing that probably needed washing. The bed wasn't made but it also didn't look like much sleeping had ever been done in this room. Computers sat on a desk and on the floor in a half circle around one chair which Matt was guessing something his forgotten half had done not Mello. All in all it had a kind of chaotic disorder to it but was orderly at the same time. Weird.

He nodded slowly tossing the bag on the floor in there. It couldn't do any harm, the place was a hell hole anyway. "What does he do that he needs so many computers?" He asked while attempting to breathe out his mouth.

Shimmering blue eyes ran around the room several times before glancing at Matt. He looked almost lonely, "Hack. Matty is a hacker."

"Matty?" Matt replied.

Mello continued down the hallway towards the washer and dryer. "Wash clothes and at the end of the hallway is the bathroom." He strolled with ease past Matt again stopping at his own bedroom door. "Yes, Matty. There's nothing to it, trust me." With that he blew out the candle and shut the door to his own bedroom.

"Right."

[Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please review and I'll update as soon as I can!]


	4. What friends used to be

[Authors note: Sorry for the wait everyone but I've had a really busy two weeks. I just made a major move and the Internet died but everything is alright now! Now, here is the new installment and I've already started chapter five so be looking for it. If you are a reader of Melodious Nocturne I've begun the second part of it with is really kind of a alternate universe so be looking for it! Please everyone be kind! Read, Review and enjoy!

What friends used to be

"I can't come in today." The voice from the living area was easily pinpointed as Mello's though his mood couldn't be discerned from the few words. Instead of gauging the man Matt remained in the hallway beside his bedroom door listening. "Look, I've outlined everything that needs to be done step by step a seven year old could complete it. That's how simple it is." Silence followed for several minutes before Mello sighed, "No, I'm not calling you a seven year old; I just meant that it's not hard. I'm having personal problems and I can't come in. I'll be in tomorrow no problems."

Matt glanced across the hallway to Mello's shut and most likely locked bedroom door. From what he was already able to see the two were total opposites. Mello was put together, orderly and radical compared to Matt who seemed like an utter shut in. Attractive but still an utter shut in but he would take care of that in due time. If Mello wasn't willing to be his boyfriend then he guessed he would have to go out and find someone else. Shame, he quite liked Mello's lean form.

"I said personal not family. I don't have family, you know that." Mello growled into the phone his eyes staring down the hallway. Matt wondered if he could see him from there but he doubted it. The power still wasn't back on, which he had learned from attempting a shower. The bathroom didn't have a window; neither did the hallway or living room. Either the two of them were preparing for a zombie apocalypse or one of them was dealing with some shady business. Judging from the conversation down the hallway he was definitely going to have to guess that it was Mello that was shady not shut in Matt. "Are you going to stand in the hallway watching me or am I going to have to come down there and drag you out?"

Matt nearly jumped, well; maybe he could see him down here. "I didn't want to interrupt you while you were on the phone." He lied. He just wasn't looking forward to the man attempting to hit him again so soon. He somehow always managed to say the wrong day and set the other off. Maybe it was all his witty sexual banter or maybe he should just listening to his dream and leave the blond alone. Unfortunately he couldn't do that so it was best to catch him in a good mood then start out with a bad gun wielding one.

Mello leaned lightly in the chair just as he did in the hospital. "Bullshit." He replied simply watching the other with dark eyes. "You're late getting up, usually Matty's already in the living room well before I've moved playing games or sleeping curled into a ball."

The green eyed man smirked, "Matty." He repeated shaking his head remembering that Mello had said there was nothing to the name. That was real bullshit. "I didn't know that you didn't have family Mello."

Blue eyes blinked, "Not wanting to bother me while I'm on the phone and listening in on my conversations are two totally different things. Don't do it anymore." Matt started to move back but the blond wasn't done speaking. "No, I don't have family and neither does Matt. We grew up together, don't you remember me telling you that. We're both orphans. It's a long and uninteresting tale. Just know that I'm all you have and vice versa."

A sly smile ran across Matt's lips, "Are we deciding to show some sentimental emotions?" He asked leaning against the wall watching the other with light eyes. He had finally found a stray rubber band to pull his hair up and out of his face giving the other a clear view.

"Come again?"

He shook his head pushing off the wall and pulling out a chair. "Mind answering a few questions about your Matty?" He grinned watching the others eyes narrowed but he shrugged anyway. He slumped down into the seat eying Mello's ideas of décor. It was bold yet understated. He nearly laughed at his own thoughts. "Good, how old is Matt?"

"Twenty-one." Mello replied with a blank look.

_"Bullshit." _A voice answered from the back of Matt's mind.

He nodded. "Right, legal drinking age in the states." He watched the blond nod slowly. "What happened to my…Matt's parents?"

"They died when he was nine under mysterious circumstances." Mello replied setting his chair firmly down on all four legs now.

_"He doesn't know." _

Again Matt nodded. "Matt kissed you when you were younger? Did you like it?"

Mello's eyebrow rose, "What does that have to do with anything?" He shifted on the back of the chair again his blue gaze still burning into the other mans. "That's not a question about Matty but yes Matt kissed me when we were younger and I didn't like it. I keep telling you I'm Catholic and being homosexual isn't something that Catholics are supposed to be."

"I don't think it's right for your God to dictate who you should love by what gender they are." Matt mumbled nervously tugging on the collar of his shirt. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know that he was easily treading on thin ice. "So if you weren't Catholic would you like Matt?"

Mello opened his mouth before closing it again. Instead he frowned the lines creasing his forehead as if in thought. "I don't think it's right that you judge my God. Just like Matt." He shook his head before crossing his arms. "Unfortunately I'm Catholic so I don't need to think about what if's. Who would like a recluse, video gameing red head anyway?"

Matt nearly broke into a grin right there. Did Mello just admit to something being there between himself and Matt just seconds ago? He wasn't sure if the man was following logic or if he even noticed but he certainly wasn't going to have him backtrack. Instead he shrugged, "I guess you're right. We don't have to worry about it. So, where did the nickname Matty come from?"

The blond rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Matt. Matty, it's a bit self–explanatory."

"True." He winked, "But a normal person would say that Matty would be a term of endearment." Before Mello could reply he bolted from the chair moving past the blond and heading into the kitchen chuckling to himself. He was positive now. There was something more than a tiny kiss between the two of them but if Mello wanted to deny it then that was fine with him.

* * *

><p>Mello wasn't in a particularly bad mood, if he was then he would have probably chased after Matt right then and there. No, this man wasn't the Matt that he had known so long and grown up with. This man was someone who suddenly appeared one day with the same face. His Matty had left for somewhere and there was no telling how long it would take before the other came back. He wouldn't admit it out loud but he missed Matt. His Matt.<p>

Truthfully, Matt had only been gone for three days and he was already missing his witty banter. Sure, Matt challenged his religion and he always had something to say before Mello could finish a sentence and sometimes he made situations awkward but he couldn't help but miss the man.

He closed his eyes doing his best not to call the other back while he backtracked the conversation. That was the only problem with looking into the face of your oldest friend but it not being him. He easily let his guard down and for the most part he was having a difficult time putting it back up. He never had to worry about what he said and how he said it with Matt around. Sure, with another genius mind could place the puzzle together just as fast as he could but even if he screwed up there would be a joke between the two of them not complications.

He froze blue eyes widening. He could slap himself in the face for just realizing what he had said. He stood following the other into the kitchen knowing that the creak of the leather would easily betray that he was moving. Matt stood there in the middle of apparently pouring himself a bowl of cereal.

"Even if I wasn't Catholic I wouldn't be with a man." He hissed eyes narrowing. The other chuckled softly as he nodded in comprehension. "I mean it, maybe Matt is into that whole scene but I'm not."

Matt grinned, "He is. It's hard not to be when someone looks at you. Why be celibate?" He questioned sliding past the other.

Mello's hand almost traveled to his rosary but he stilled his hand before it dared to move. "Because it's easier."

Matt paused turning with the bowl still in hand. Mello nearly thought his friend back but before he could speak the red head nodded, "Because it's easier. Right." He replied shaking his head slowly as he trailed down the hallway towards the living room clearly to think.

Mello relaxed allowing his hand to grasp the rosary dangling loosely around his neck. It was easier that way. It was the only way to keep Matty safe if they just remained friends. He wouldn't understand anything and therefore he was Catholic.

[Ending note: If you didn't notice Mello was lying about what he knew about Matty. None of what he said was true during that part. Anyway, please review and I'll hopefully have the next chapter up soon.]


	5. Matty will play

[Authors note: So I'm on an updating roll currently. This is my third one of the night, I'm a bit excited. Anyway here is the new installment and I've decided to bring in a bit more drama. Maybe, I guess it counts as drama. Anyway, you decided. Please read, review and enjoy.]

Matty will play

"Stupid." There was a firm kick to the bottom of the bed as Matt shifted on the inside of his blankets. He had made such a wonderful cocoon tonight and here comes Mello just to ruin everything he worked so hard for. "Stupid, I know you fucking hear me. You just came in here to go to sleep; you're not sleep that fast. No way." The annoyance in his voice was clearly broadcast across the room though the red head didn't decide to respond. If he stayed quiet and pretended to be sleep then sleep would come and Mello would leave him alone. No dice. Instead the blond grasped the blankets pulling them down with a firm tug. "Get the fuck up."

Matt groaned turning over and staring at the other glowing in the light from the hallway. Great, the power was back on. It was about time, they had been waiting forever. He was certainly into finding out what a videogame was like and why Matt spent so much of his time playing them. Though, something told him that it was to get away from Mello's loud mouth. "What the hell do you want? Don't you see I'm trying to sleep?"

The blond rolled his eyes looking as though he rather kick the other in the face. "It's seven in the morning. You should have been sleeping at a decent time instead of going through Matt's computer. You could have done that at any time and you choose last night. Not my problem. Get up I need to talk to you."

He nodded cracking open both eyes to show the other he was listening. "He has a journal." He laughed tiredly wondering if that would get the other off his back.

"Oh goodie, Matty has a journal. It's probably where he keeps the passwords to his videogames. Shut up and let me talk." He watched the other nod again. "I have places to be today and I probably won't even be back tonight so you'll be here all by yourself." He sighed clearly not like that idea even a bit. "So I need you to listen to the rules that you have to follow which are identical to the ones that real Matt follows."

The red head frowned, "I am real Matt, just a different version of him, Think of me as upgraded sexy." He winked at the other playfully. "Oh, I forgot you're catholic. Am I allowed to wink at you or do you have to go pray for forgiveness that a man wants to fuck ya?" Matt could have sworn that the other smiled slightly at the words or he could have been hallucinating it from the lack of sleep and glowering light from the hallway. God, that light was annoying. "So, why do I have rules?"

The blond folded his arms clearly not having time for questions. "Because I said so." He replied seriously. "Here we go and fucking listen to me because if I find out that you've done something stupid so help me Matt." He took a deep breath to keep his anger leveled. He was actually doing a good job so far but it was starting to get hard. Every time he looked at the other he didn't know if he should smile of punch him. The face of his best friend the mind of a pervert or had Matt always had the mind of a pervert? He doubted it. "Are you listening?"

He nodded, "Oh God of sexy leather has rules in his love nest." He grinned at the other glared amazingly hard at him. "Okay, okay. Listening, I promise."

"You don't leave this house. No reasons, none. You don't step foot outside because I said so. You don't have transportation and even if you did I wouldn't allow you out because you don't know where you're going and you certainly don't need to be around other people with that ungodly attitude of yours."

"It's only for you babycakes."

Mello shook his head rubbing his temples. "Of course. Anyway, this is for you." He tossed a cellphone that landed lightly on the bed in front of the other. "It only has my number and I better not see anyone else's number in that damn phone." He shifted his stance slightly. "You don't call me. Ever. You just don't there is no questions about it. If I call you have two rings before I hang up and come looking for you. You don't want me to come looking for you Matt. If you think what I did in the car was bad I'll do more. Trust me. If I send a text you have ten minutes to respond with the same results if you don't answer."

He frowned, "So I'm locked in the house all day while you're out and about doing what?"

Mello sneered, "It's none of your fucking business what I do when I walk out of the door. Just know that I'll be back eventually and when I am you better be here." He looked coldly at the other, "There's plenty of food and you heard what I said. I have to go."

The red head nodded attempting to recreate his cocoon. "Right. Have fun doing whatever it is that I'm not allowed to ask about."

* * *

><p>That was six hours ago and Mello hadn't called once. It wasn't that he expected the other to. Okay, he actually did. Maybe the man trusted him more than he thought he did, which truthfully was a total mistake. As soon as the red head had managed to get enough sleep he was up, dressed and out the door without so much as thinking about the rules placed down for him hours ago. There was a whole world out there that he hadn't experienced and he wanted to. It was only fair.<p>

_Leaving now won't do anything but make Mell mad. If you know what's good for you you'll turn around now and save yourself from the drama. He's not stupid, he's expecting you to try and leave like this. Mello sets rules in place like this for safety, he's not being cruel. I know you think that-_

"Oh shut up." Matt rolled his eyes. Was that his mind talking to him or what? Maybe it was his conscious, no, not his but Matt's. Matt's conscious didn't like the idea of him leaving the house when Mello's rules told him not to. Yeah, that made more sense than a random voice in his head talking to talk him back into doing the right thing. He scoffed at himself, the right thing. He chuckled quietly to himself shaking his head. He was hilarious.

He nearly buckled over at the swift kick that came to his knee. "First you tell me to shut up and then you laugh. I wasn't even talking to you jerk!" The lightly annoyed voice came from a small blond that glared up at him with intense hated. It almost seemed like Mello. He shivered at the thought, a female Mello. Actually, that didn't sound too bad after all.

"Quite sorry ma'am, I wasn't talking about you or to you." He flashed her an unalarming smile. "I promise you that I would never tell anyone as beautiful as you to shut up."

She looked slightly less upset. "Really? There's no one else on this street but me and you were talking kinda loud."

He chuckled, "I was thinking about my roommate." That was the best description he could add to Mello without sexy or leather of spanking in the definition. "He threw a fit this morning and told me not to leave the house and all that good jazz. I thought it was a beautiful day for a walk and look, I ran into a pretty young lady." He winked.

Her eyes widened slightly as she nodded with a smile of her own. "I think you should make it up to me."

He nodded, "I think I should also. How about we go for a cup?" He held his arm out and she gratefully took it. Oh Mello eat your heart out.

* * *

><p>Mello had thought about calling Matt he had better things on his mind so far. He had literally spent hours sitting in front of a computer attempting to hack into Matt's computer and it wasn't the most simplistic thing he could be doing at this time. He had already yelled at three of his subordinates, threatened to shoot one of them and threw a lamp across the room. He'd admit it, Matty was a genius. A genius at keeping him out of his stuff.<p>

It seemed like each time he had managed to crack one part of the encryption it made itself ten times harder but he wouldn't be giving up anytime soon. As far as he was concerned he had all the time in the world.

He sat back picking up his cellphone and sending a message. 'What are you doing?'

* * *

><p>Matt felt his phone vibrate in his pocket instantly knowing who it was before glancing at it. What did the man think he was doing? 'Nothing. Trying 2 ply sum games. Not goin well.' He sent the message back to the blond.<p>

"Who was that?" She asked blankly.

He laughed, "My roommate. It's nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about." He took a sip of his coffee. He actually liked this a bit more than the crap they made him in the hospital. "So your name is Misa…"

[So here's the end of the chapter. I think the next one will be longer but we'll just have to see. So anyway please review.]


	6. Inner sanctum

Authors note: Here's the new chapter. Hope you enjoy and please review.

Inner sanctum

There was a slight shuffling outside Mello's door as he afforded a glance up watching the shadow nervously dally outside the door before ultimately deciding it wasn't worth it and headed back down the hallway. He smiled to himself, this was one of the few hide outs that he could actually have a whole room to himself and with the addition of the door the heavies nearly pissed themselves before they even thought about knocking on the door for anything unimportant.

He had locked himself in the room since he had come back in. No one had exactly questioned what his family emergency could have possibly been. As far as they were concerned he didn't have family, at least he didn't talk about them. A few had managed to figure out that he had some form of friend and contact outside the mafia and that had led to a few warnings of keeping business inside the business but other than that no one asked him anything. Matt wasn't a secret and yet he was something that no one knew about outside of himself. He purposely kept it that way. Matt was and would always be his only weakness. While he didn't care about what happened to him he was constantly worrying about the air head and what he could do to ruin everything he had done to keep him safe.

He stared at the empty space that had once held a shadow and frowned. Air head. He couldn't voice it out loud without raising any eyebrows but these last few days without Matt being himself were hard. It was like returning to the days when he had left Wammy house and left Matty behind. That was one of the only mistakes that he would admit to. Years later Matt found him and even then it took a year to make it to the point where they trusted each other again. Even now there was always a sneaking doubt that Matt fully believed that Mello would never do anything to hurt him. He snide comments and hidden expression always hid everything and so everyone had a hard time finding out who Mail Jeevas was, including Mail Jeevas.

"Mello." The voice woke Mello from his thoughts. Instantly he reached for his hidden automatic before pausing and turning to look in confusion at the computer. That was definitely the sound of Matt's voice. The shutdown, bored and slightly dead pan voice filled the room for the next few minutes. "I'm guessing something's happened that has caused you to have a sudden interest in my computer. I told you to stay away from my stuff but," There was silence for a second which could only mean he was either playing a game or smoking, "It's not like you listen to anything I say anyway. Seeing as I'm probably not in a position to stop you from going through it I'll give you a warning. Beware of the cryptic shit to come. If you continue on from this point the situation between the two of us will never be the same. You're overstepping your boundaries and being the overstepping Catholic bastard you are I'm sure you'll read on no matter what. It's in your interfering blood." Another loaded silence filled the room and then the sound of Matt's melodious laughter escaped from the computer's speakers. "Don't worry, this is a recording and you're not in any danger if you decide to continue on but remember what I said. K thx bye."

The blond stared at his computer for several minutes unmoving before frowning. "What the fuck did that mean?"

* * *

><p>Misa flipped her hair giving the red head her best smile, the one she usually only reserved for Kira. "And your name's Matt." She replied flirtatiously using a manicured hand to stir the coffee that Matt had so kindly bought her as an apology. "Don't you think it's just so lucky that we bumped into each other? You were lost and I was looking for something fun to do."<p>

"But of course Miss Misa, it's not often that you insult such a lovely woman accidentally and then get to take her out for coffee afterwards. Luck seems to be on both of our sides today, myself more than you." He gave her a soft smile before dripping his cookie into the tea the waitress had brought for him. He glanced down at his phone for the fourth time still not seeing another message from Mello which he assumed was a good thing. Maybe the other finally decided it was time to get off his back, he couldn't possibly believe that he was just going to sit in the house staring at the eggshell white walls and Mello's decorating skills and play games all day. Actually, that was exactly what he expected because that's what Matt usually did. What better way to show Mello that he wasn't that Matt than to disobey him. Disobey? What the hell was he a dog?

"Matt." Misa waved her hand in front of the others face pouting, "You keep fading out on me. What's wrong with you?"

He laughed quietly before his green eyed gaze slid outside the window. Somehow all of this felt wrong, he felt as if he was somehow betraying Mello by leaving the house and spending time with this woman. He sighed; it had to have something to do with the Real Matt's feelings about the blond. He wasn't quite sure what they were but the more he had read the journal entries last night it became clear. "I have a lot on my mind actually. So very sorry that you want my attention and I'm not giving it to you." He shifted to face Misa again making sure that their eyes connected. "I'm all ears. You were telling me about yourself?"

She gave a sweet smile before shrugging, "Well there's not much to say about me. I'm a model but I don't do any of that nasty stuff." She giggled, "And when I'm not modeling I spend all the time that I can with my boyfriend Ki-Raito." She coughed slightly as Matt tilted his head slightly to the side.

Matt picked up the small spoon and began stirring his tea. "Raito, what's he like?"

"He's an amazing person. He does everything he can to save those unfortunate and he's devoted to making this world a better place for everyone good to live in. I help him in any way that I can. Right now he's working on those baddie Mafia members. They're not doing anything besides hurting people and helping themselves."

He nodded barely paying attention now that he knew she had a boyfriend. "Ah, what is he a police officer?" He questioned wondering how a cop could manage a model. "Special task force?"

Her eyes widened, "How did you know about the special task force?"

He gave a chuckle, "I'm gifted with special kinds of information. Trust me." He mumbled quietly glancing back at his phone.

* * *

><p>A painted nail tapped the keyboard anxiously before glancing towards the undisturbed door Matt's warning still resounding around the room even though it had been nearly an hour since he had heard it. He picked up his phone again almost expecting to see a text; humor compiled from the red head about what he had just heard but there was nothing. Matt was actually gone. Right now he was sitting on the edge of the world that was Mattie's.<p>

He kicked off his boots with a quiet, "fuck it," before proceeding forward into the world that Matt had always worked so hard to keep him out of. Come to think of it he never really thought about hacking into Matt's computer until he mentioned it this morning. He glanced at the phone wondering slightly if he was somehow being stung along. That there was something here that he was missing and everyone around him would wind up laughing at him. Could Matt have come up with something so complex that even Mello was missing the pieces? He rolled his eyes, of course not. Matt wasn't nearly complicated enough to be able to out think him.

He tapped though several preliminary files shaking his head wondering what it was that Matt was going on about until he clicked open a word document last saved early in the day that Matt was coming home before his accident. Blue eyes narrowed as he read page after page scrolling down when needed. He barely looked up when his phone rang but reached over and answered it.

"Mello." The voice sounded bored but the blond was instantly offensive. "There is something problematic happening but I'm sure you are aware of what has happened."

Mello sneered, "Concerning? Did Near wind up dead in a ditch somewhere because I have to shake the hand of the man that did it to him. I assure you that this time it wasn't me."

Roger coughed, "No. Matt's cellular phone has been off for three days now and I know that you know where he is. Please deliver the message to Matt that he is to call me. I cannot take your word that he is alright in this case. I apologize."

The blond stared at the computer monitor for several seconds. "Oh I know." He closed the computer and moved to stand. "I'll do you one better than having him call. I'll bring him in for you to talk to all you want. He'll be in first thing tomorrow."

"Thank you Mello."

"No problem."


	7. Mine zone

[Authors note: Truthfully I didn't think that this story would be so popular but I'm happy that it is. I really enjoy writing this new side of Matty. Anyway just because of how this chapter ends [DON'T YOU DARE SCROLL] doesn't mean that everything is over. Actually it's just beginning. So as I say that I don't know exactly how long this story will be but probably around twenty five or so chapters. Not too shabby. Promise. Anyway, please read, review and enjoy.

Mine zone

Matt couldn't lie about how proud he was of himself for the day. He had managed not only to sneak out of the flat without nosy and annoying Mello over his shoulder every seven seconds but he had also managed to meet a beautiful blond girl named Misa that was interested in seeing him a second time. She seemed to have a lot she wanted to say to him when he mentioned that he knew what the 'special task force' was. Though, he had no idea what it was and he was simply talking to keep her talking. Apparently he had stumbled over a gold mine. He smirked to himself glancing down at the phone number written in beautiful script on the torn of piece of paper in his hand.

He was almost ashamed to say he didn't want her to go when her phone rang. Suddenly the girl seemed secretive before sending him a few glances before smiling and saying that she had to leave. Looking back that wasn't such a bad idea seeing as he had been away from the flat for some time and it would take a bit of wandering to find his way back. Matt's sense of direction hadn't managed to transfer to him and it had taken him nearly two hours before he recognized the street he lived on with Mello. He didn't think it was appropriate to ask strangers if they had seen a blond stranger wearing sexy skin tight leather that lead to an almost instant hard on. There was something about Mello and the bad ass scar on his face that made him think that he should conveniently be left out of any and all conversations with strangers.

Taking the stairs two at a time he made his way to the door before staring at the knob. It was open, cracked to be approximate. He was positive that he had closed it on the way out but he didn't have a key so thinking back that wasn't the most intelligent thing he had done all day. Instead of lingering her gingerly kicked the door with his boot watching in slight confusion as it creaked its way open before coming to a complete stop on the jam.

For reasons unbeknown to him he slowly lifted his hand and slid the sunny tinted goggles over his eyes. He couldn't part from them and he didn't know why. There had to be some form of Matt left over because if he so much as walked away from these things something in him felt incomplete and so he wore them. If anything he looked cool as hell walking around with goggles on the top of his head if not a bit like a hipster.

He took a step, then another and another until he was making his way down the darkened hallway before stopping where it opened into the living area. Nothing was different or moved since he had been here this morning. He released a sigh; maybe he had left the door unlocked without remembering. It's a good thing he had managed to beat Mello home before he could see something like that.

The blow came swiftly to the back of Matt's head sending an instant vibration throughout his form. He couldn't keep himself from staggering sideways barely getting a glance behind him as a figure tackled himself efficiently to the carpeted floor that Matt was positive was going to be stained with the crimson droplets that he felt forming on the lengths of his hair.

"What the fuck." He hissed though he wasn't sure if he said the words aloud and even if he did he was positive that they were slurred into oblivion. The almost too familiar feeling of leather caressing skin before silky tresses traveled the length from torso to face. "Mello?"

Electric blue eyes were narrowed into cold calculating anger, "Who the fuck else." Was his only before gnarling his hands in the others shirt. "What the fuck did I tell you before I walked out that door this morning?" Looks were exchanged between the two but Matt never speak so the blond continued. "I told you to stay in the fucking apartment. I told you not to touch that goddamned door and you did it anyway." Matt could feel the opposite hand that wasn't holding onto his shirt begin to ball up in fury. "I told you I'd make you pay if you didn't listen to me. Do I seem like the type of person to joke about that?"

If the red head still had movement in his shoulders he would have probably shrugged. Mello didn't seem like the type of person to joke but he also no longer was able to formulate words out of the pure shock that the blond had beat him home. The balled fist colliding with Matt's face only added to the problem at hand. It sent a wave of nausea through his body and the subsequent punches only amplified it. Black dots clouded his vision swimming like a school of fist before scattering just in time for him to catch the blonds fist.

Green eyes narrowed behind the goggles shoving the fist away with enough force to move Mello along with it. "The fuck blondie." Matt hissed using the others confusion to rear his head back and slam it against the other with a brutal clunk. "I don't know what you're fucking problem is but fuck this."

Mello shifted backwards in slightly confusion from the pain coursing through his forehead. Where the fuck did he get off hitting him back? No, scratch that touching his fucking face and probably making him bleed. He couldn't tell if it was blood running down or sweat from the altercation as he watch the red head jumped to his feet more spry than he had been for days.

Matt didn't give him a chance to make his way fully to his feet as the other staggered forward instantly going for his waist where he kept his gun. In a split decision Mello brought his knee up hitting the other squarely in the chest before pulling his gun out and cocking it before the other could recover.

He wasn't going to shoot the red head; he simply needed some time to be able to catch his breath. This fight had actually ended up like most of his fights with the old Matt but that was impossible because this wasn't the old Matt. "What the fuck do you have to say for yourself?" He kept the gun in level with the red head that seemed to be looking around for something in the living area. "Well?"

"I need a goddamn cigarette. The fuck does it look like?"


	8. Silent Caress

Authors note: So just like I promised everything is not over just yet but things are getting interesting. I'm still unsure of how much longer this story will be but I'm assuming that it's no where near done just yet. Which, if you're a fan that's a good thing! Anyway read, review and enjoy.

~*xXx*~

Silent Caress

Mello sat still bleeding watching the red head finish his sixth cigarette in a long heavy drag. He wasn't sure what was suddenly so interesting in watching a junkie get his fix after stopping cold turkey but he was positive it was the only thing keeping him from clinging to his best friend and scaring the hell out of him. So for now he kept his distance sitting quietly on the other side of the table spooning him cigarette after cigarette until the other decided to talk to him. It felt like months, even years since he had talked to the red head and all he wanted right now was to hear the others golden wit or a snappy comeback that crossed into his mind as naturally as his fingers controlled a game.

"That stare is really fucking manic." The red head said giving the blond a slight frown before pushing his goggles up revealing a rare glimpse of his darkening green orbs. He almost looked like a pixie. "Seriously, stop it." Mello guessed that he looked confused because the red head continued. "You're staring at me with this really creepy smile and shit like you want say something sentimental to me." He smirked, "Finally getting in touch with your feminine side?"

The blond scoffed, "Like hell, since when was I womanly?" He leaned back in the chair watching the other raise an eyebrow slowly before glancing him over as if to say, 'really?' "You know what Matt fuck you. Do you know what the hell you've put me through for the last few days?"

The red head glanced around the apartment before his eyes rested on the living room. Whatever it was that he had been doing for the last few days it apparently wasn't living here. The place smelled cleaner, which mean he wasn't around to smoke. His games were lined up in a neat Mello cleaned row which meant that he wasn't around to play them. The ash tray was completely cleaned and the same was said for the kitchen. If Mello's dress and mannerisms were a clue to be held into account the blond had been away at work. He wasn't sure for how long the blond had been at work but in even a few hours Matt could manage to mess up the apartment enough to piss Mello off.

"Did I run away from home?" He offered as the blond gave him a sarcastic look. He winced before shrugging. "I don't know Mello. I don't remember anything after talking on the phone with you and that asshole crossed the center line. Some people just shouldn't be allowed to drive in bad weather. They don't know what the fuck they're doing. Kinda like you." He felt the glare from the other side of the room and snickered. "I'm joking but I don't remember anything after that."

The blond watched him for several seconds as if attempting to figure out if he was telling the truth or not. He shook his head slowly, "When you went off the road you totaled your car in the accident so your baby that you refer to as being your pride and joy no longer exists." He watched the others eyes widen but continued none the less. "I got a phone call at three in the morning saying that you had wound up in the hospital. I didn't believe it until I saw it but you had completely lost your memory. You didn't have any idea who I was or why I was visiting you." He leaned forward, "Matty?" He watched the other focus on him again. He had begun to notice the man slowly drifting in and out during his rendition. "Tell me what do you think about my trousers?"

The red head raised an eyebrow. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He questioned seriously taking extra care not to glance towards his laptop sitting on the table in the living room. Though he did take the time to light another cigarette and pull his goggles down over his eyes. "You wear those for your motorcycle right?" He questioned. "I'm not supposed to think anything about them. Right?"

The blond shrugged, "From what I've come to know in the last few days you seem to think I have a nice ass in these leathers and what exactly what it is that you'd like to do to me without them." He gauged the others reaction and after several seconds continued. "You also lost your virginity."

Matt didn't respond to the other instead lowered his cigarette and blew smoke into the others face. It wasn't as if he hadn't done this before but it was a clear way to show the blond that he was annoyed. "You're using my lack of memory to probe my mind Mell. You know I don't like that." He took another long drag. "If you're trying to insulate that I've been playing around for however long it was you can just say it. I'm pretty sure I'd remember something important like losing my virginity."

The blond gave the other a long hard stare before wincing. "Yeah, I thought so too." He shifted as though he were uncomfortable before glancing down at his own two hands.

The red head lifted an eyebrow before putting out his half smoked cigarette, "What the fuck is up with you Mell?"

"I read your journal." Mello glanced up long enough to see green eyes widen. He had no idea what kind of territory he was treading into but he was bound to find out within the next few minutes. "I thought after reading it that maybe having sex with you would bring the real you back. It turns out all you needed was your ass kicked." He shook his head breaking the eye contact for the first time since he started talking. "Matty I…"

"You're joking." The man whispered his eyes still huge as he watched the other shrug. "We really…I mean you thought…what the fuck happened to being Catholic? Catholics don't…what the fuck Mell."

He shrugged, "It was you that always said I was bad at being one." He watched the other before smirking. "I'm joking Matt." He watched the other take a few seconds before deflating. "I wouldn't fuck you Matt even if I was gay." He watched the other look uncomfortable. "I mean you may be but I mean that's up to you."

Green eyes flittered upward again as he locked on the other man's face. "What makes you think that I'm gay?"

Mello sighed, "The other you somehow got into your computer. I don't know how because you keep everything fucking locked but he read through it and made hints that there were parts about me in it." He shrugged slightly watching the others eyes narrow. "So I hacked your computer. It took a long ass time but once I got in I read through…your journal." He felt himself bite his lip knowing instantly he should have brought the subject up differently. "Matty."

The red head was on his feet almost instantly moving away from the other. "That wasn't for you to see! It had a fucking warning and everything Mell!" He skittered backwards once he noticed the blond on his feet and attempting to move towards him. "You spend every waking fucking moment keeping everything to yourself. You probe my mind to make sure that everything is okay and I'm fine with that. The only thing I asked was for you to stay out of my motherfucking computer!"

The blond nodded looking sheepish, "Yes but Matt you were gone…"

"You're gone all the damn time and I don't go through your shit Mello! I do what you ask me to and keep the fuck where I belong." His eyes had narrowed viciously. "What the fuck did you read?" He hissed already knowing the answer. He didn't even bother waiting for a response. "I can't even fucking believe this…"

Mello took a step forward extending his arm and grabbing the red head before he could make off down the hallway into his bedroom. "Matt! Let me fucking speak!" He yanked the other with enough authority to pull him backwards. "Matt I…"

The red head growled, "What the fuck could you possibly have to say Mello!"

Mello sighed exasperated dipping his hand down to cup the others chin. "Mail." He whispered his voice heavy for the first time since the red head had returned. "If you won't let me talk then…" He stopped instantly bringing his lips until they were pressing against the red head. This was one way to shut him up and show him.


	9. Edge of Heaven

Here's the next chapter for those of you looking forward to it. It's not long but I don't have much time due to finals this upcoming week. So please, read, review and enjoy.

Edge of Heaven

Mello was the first to pull back from his display which he had to admit surprised him. He was quite sure what he had just done himself and the look on Matt's face showed that he didn't understand any more than he did. He moved back slightly to give the other a bit of space before clearing his throat and glancing around the living area. Wow, things really were cleaner when Matt wasn't being Matt. "Ah, shit." He blinked several times unable to read the others expression behind the goggles now that he had made a distance between the two of them. "Matt, what I'm trying to say is…"

He paused. What was he trying to say? He certainly wasn't going to stand in their living room and confess his love for the red head. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he loved the other. Matt was…Matt. Was there really any other way to express someone who barely did anything to express themselves? Still the other watched him expectantly as if knowing what was about to come out his mouth. He didn't even know what he wanted to say anymore.

He clear his throat but Matt cut him off, "Mello if you're about to say that you're accidentally kissed me a second ago I'll take that and walk away." The red head was completely serious as he watched the other blink at him in confusion. "I can't image that you'd come straight out and say something that you haven't weighed your decision on yet." The man standing before Mello wasn't even smoking. That's what Matt did. He smoked. So why was his lack of habit getting to Mello so much right now? Why wasn't he hiding like he usually did when he felt awkward in a situation. Oh, that's right. It was because Matt didn't feel awkward Mello did and his best friend was giving him a way out even if it hurt him.

He shrugged, "It was an accident. You wouldn't shut up and I couldn't get you from flailing and it happened." He shook his head watching the others body language. "Don't pretend like you're giving me something by saying you'll walk away if I claim it was accidental. It was accidental. I was overjoyed to have my best friend back and I thought you were going to leave again…or something." He winced at the harshness of his own words. "Who would want to kiss you anyway? You smell like cigarettes all the time Matt."

"Okay." The red head replied almost instantly still standing in the midst of the hallway annoying Mello. Why didn't he walk away if he didn't want to make this awkward? Damn Matt and his ineptness.

"You're lucky I even decide to be your best friend." Mello hissed finally feeling like his was winning something. Even if it was at the expense of his best friend he couldn't even think about backing down now.

"Okay." The other deadpanned reminding Mello all too much of a freaky white haired kid that didn't show emotion.

He sighed, "Matt don't get me wrong I'm sure one day you'll find someone who…fuck!" He turned throwing his hands up in frustration. He couldn't backtrack now and he couldn't think straight. "You know what I'm trying to say."

The red head gave a light shrug, "Maybe." He said finally tuning on heel and heading down the hallway towards his bedroom. "Mell?"

The blond sighed defeated looking down the hallway. "What do you want now?"

"This never happened." He whispered heading into his sparsely used bedroom and shut the door with an audible click.

"Fuck."

~*xXx*~

"I still don't think you should be driving." Mello mumbled form the passenger's seat wondering what had been going through the red heads mind since last night. He had barely been able to get the courage to knock on Matt's door to tell him that he had a meeting with Roger the following day. He hadn't gotten a response and assumed that the red head was sleeping or something. He was surprised to find Matt standing in his doorway this morning with his stripped shirt and cigarette dangling from his mouth asking if he wanted to ride with. Other than that question the red head hadn't spoken to him once. He had really crossed the line. "I mean I could have given you a concussion hitting you like that yesterday. You deserved every moment of it though."

A smirk fluttered across Matt's face. "Don't worry you punch like a bitch but I won't say that I didn't like it." The man leaned into a turn barely noticing the blond gaping at him with large blue eyes. "Anyway…what?" He glanced over to his friend who was still watching him with confusion. "Problem?"

Blue eyes blinked several times before sighing, "It's nice to know that you think I punch like a bitch. Because when a bitch punches there's clood everywhere and you're screaming bloody murder." He rolled his eyes glancing back out the window. He was going to Wammy house today which means as soon as Roger finds out what happened he would be getting a head check. Hopefully he didn't have to come out and say that he was the one that gave Matt a concussion. He winced lightly at the thought but didn't speak on it. "Slow down."

Matt glanced sideways but he didn't take his eyes off the road. Instead he pressed the accelerator further down. "Why?"

Mello felt his fist clench. Matt was seriously going to sit there and ignore what he was saying. "Because you just had a damn accident and shouldn't be driving."

Matt shrugged slightly, "I told you someone cut into my lane and I swerved. I don't remember anything after that but yeah."

The blond glared, "I said slow the fuck down Matt."

Matt pressed further. "Look, I'm the one good at driving and you're the one that's good at shooting shit. Calm the fuck down. If you have that much of a damn problem you can get the fuck out and walk to Roger."

Mello released his hand before closing his eyes. "I'm trying to be nice because I'm pretty sure you're recovering from serious shock but Matt I swear…"

"Real Catholic's don't swear Mell." The response came before he could complete his sentence.

The blond reached forward grabbing whole locks of the red heads hair to pull him to look at him. "I don't know what the fuck has gotten into you but you better do what I say Matt. I swear to God Matt, you're testing my sanity."

The same smirk appeared as the red head leaned forward pressing his lips lightly against the blond's. Mello released him as if he were fire. "Good to know blondie but I suggest you calm yourself down before you get caught in something that you don't find pleasant. Remember how overjoyed you were yesterday I feel like that all the time." He continued driving ignoring the other gaping in his direction. He did note that Mello had finally settled down.


	10. Past meets present

Authors note: Finally, I have some form of Internet connection and with it I bring you the next chapter. The subsequent chapter is in the making currently so be looking for it...or something. Anyway, Matt keeps up with his meeting with Roger and it's here that some things about his 'other' side come out. Anyway, read review and enjoy.

Past meets present

Matt pulled to a complete stop barely glancing at his stunned best friend in the passenger's seat before hopping out and heading towards the front gate. The older Iron Gate held a security pad that had been present since they attended Wammy house but he was pretty sure by now their codes were outdated and there was no use in even attempting it. He could have buzzed Roger who was no doubt watching him right now but what fun would that be? Instead he lifted a gloved hand and ran his fingers over the keypad several times before the lock beeped and the Iron Gate opened on its own. He smirked, some security system. Without a glance back at the blond who was still sitting in the car watching him he headed through the gate taking the measure to let it close behind him. If Mello wanted in he would have to do it on his own.

He paused momentarily glancing towards the playground that housed a few playing children running around and giggling. For a second he could almost see Near, Crimson, Celtric, Mello and himself all superimposed on the children there. Nate was reading quietly under the tree glancing up from time to time to see what Rebecca was doing and how close Mello was. Mello was arguing that in kick ball it didn't matter if someone aimed for the head as long as it didn't connect and he could see himself pulling a handheld out of his pocket knowing that the argument would take some time to end. As quickly as he saw it, it was gone and he turned his back heading for the door.

Everything here was so familiar and yet so different. He couldn't help but feel as if he had gone back in time. If outside made him feel awkward inside made him feel like he was home. The idea soothed him but also left a sense of terror bubbling deep under the surface that he wouldn't dare allow reach out to anyone. He shuffled forward forcing his hands deeper into his pockets finding them completely empty of his handheld. He winced slightly remembering that this was the first time Mello had been home since he walked out years ago. Instantly he quit his quiet relieve and headed towards Roger's office affording a quiet knock on the door.

"Matt." The steady voice came from inside as Matt pushed the door open. "I see that you're finally done dallying outside and in the main hallway. You've managed to make it to my office out of the fear Mello is going to follow you soon." He gestured forward for the red head before moving to stand on his own. "If you have any weapons please lay them upon the desk."

Again Mello shuffled forward before taking a seat. He didn't have a weapon on him but there was no doubt that Mello had quite a few lying around. "I'm clean." He mumbled softly thinking in how many ways he meant that. "You asked me to come in."

The older man nodded pouring tea for Matt as the man continued to stare forward. "Don't worry, Mello will be in soon but you should have at least five minutes before he comes to the door." He placed the tea in front of the other before returning to his seat allowing the hot chocolate to brew on its own. "Now, the last time we spoke you asked that I call you once every day so that I can check on your mental state. A few days ago you didn't answer your phone. I believed that perhaps that you were busy with your kind of work but as I continued and there was no answer I grew worried. I knew you didn't let Mello in on your situation so I asked for him to bring you in but right now you seem perfectly fine and in the days before I didn't sense anything amiss.

Matt nodded slowly, "On my way home from doing some stuff I ended up running off the road. Mello said that I lost my memory for a few days but we got into a fight yesterday…I don't know why but I came back." He frowned clasping his hands together. "Since returning something strange has been going on with Mello and I don't know what to do."

Roger nodded glancing towards the monitors where Mello was stalking back and forth watching the front door with enough vehemence to melt it. "I see but he seems to be acting completely normal also. Indeed, I was aware of your accident. Near watches over the older members of Wammy house and looks for descriptions of each of you in the system. Of course the record is deleted now but he informed me that you had an accident in which you totaled your car but an unidentified individual had already come to claim you and take you home." He glanced towards the monitors once again where Mello was now keying in a password with less accuracy than Matt. "We assumed the individual was Mello."

He nodded giving a slight glance towards the monitors where Mell had finally managed to get through the security gate and head up the stairs. For a second he stood in front of the main staircase before he headed up presumably towards their old room. "You want me to go get him?"

The man shook his head slowly, "He won't make it to the top." He replied and in the monitor Mello immediately stopped as if he had changed his mind and headed back down towards Roger's office. "Before he arrives, I read the report that the police took but it seems as if there was no reason for you to have hit your head."

Matt glanced back at the door that Mello would be arriving at any moment now and shook his head. "I didn't." He whispered softly. "I don't know what happened to me. I went off the road and managed to avoid hitting anything. At least I thought that I did but everything went dark…" He sighed as an impatient knock came to the door.

Roger nodded, "Come in Mello." He called as the door flew open but stopped short of hitting the wall. The blonde's eyes slid from the red head to the older gentleman before folding his arms. "It's lovely to see you after such a time Mello." He looked him over, "you have certainly changed in the last few years but while you're here please remove your weaponry. This is a home of children with traumatic pasts…"

"Right, right." Mello shifted placing an automatic on the desk before taking a seat beside the red head. He didn't glance sideways; actually he did everything that he could to keep his eyes away from Matt. "I know the story. I did live here at one point." He mumbled awkwardly before glancing out the window. "Nothing's changed."

"Maybe Mello can assist us in telling us exactly what happened after me met with you in the hospital." He glanced to the blond who shifted slightly but didn't respond. "Or do you not want to Mello?"

He shrugged, "I got a call saying that I was the last phone number called in Matt's phone which makes sense. I came to the hospital immediately." He glanced to the red head before scowling, "Almost immediately." He corrected out of spite. "They point me to his room and that's where he was laid up but he wasn't Matt anymore. He was some kind of sex crazed idiot that didn't smoke and didn't play games. After a few days I had to return to work and I warned him to stay in the house when I arrived home he wasn't there. I got pissed off so I beat the shit out of him as soon as he walked through the door." He glanced at Roger before coughing and clearing his throat. "Anyway before I knew it I had Matt back if not a bit strange. That's all."

He nodded gesturing towards the door. "Matt I insist that you allow Marie to look at you." He watched the red head cringe. "She won't make you stay if you don't want to but you need to be checked." He watched the red head slowly move from his chair and head down the hallway without looking back. "Now Mello, what exactly has happened between you and Matt that has caused this kind of reaction?"

The blond shook his head, "Nothing." He replied giving the other a hard stare knowing that something like that wouldn't work. He didn't want to return to the child that was frightened and quiet but he couldn't help but feel that way sitting in front of the older gentleman. "There's something that Matt's not telling me."

He nodded, "Yes, but it's up to Matt if he wishes to tell you or not. It's quite personal actually." He watched the blond glance towards the monitors watching the red head in the infirmary and Marie fussing over each and every bump and scrape.

He sighed, "I rather not tell you what goes on inside of my head." He replied blankly as Roger nodded as if he understood.

"That is perfectly acceptable nonetheless allow me to give you some golden information of Matt. He has no experience with the same of opposite sex therefore it was only a matter of time that he began developing feelings for you. It's up to you whether you've decided to accept it or shoot him down before he begins. If you don't stop him now he'll become more and more aggressive." He shook his head, "You can't be upset with him because he's only doing what feels right to him. You're his best and in some cases only friend. You've always been there for him and your relationship is sometimes closer than a typical male friendship." He watched the blond wince. "But you are Catholic. You religion forbids such things and from there I leave the final answer to you."

The blond watched the other for several seconds, "How did you…know all that?"

He shook his head, "I was the one that told Matt to keep his feelings inside of that Journal. He spent years with a puppy crush on you and out of fear that you wouldn't accept those feelings he forced himself into a depression. Until today you had been completely oblivious but a few days ago I was alerted by Near that someone had hacked into Matt's computer. You read what wasn't meant for you ever to see. As far as he is concerned you've opened Pandora's Box and it's now or never."

~*xXx*~

Marie gave the other several worried glances as he redressed himself sitting on the table behind her. "Matt, if Mello is treating you like that there's no reason for you to stay there. You can live here and probably teach a class. To some of these kids you're a legend. They would love to have you here and you'd never have to worry about someone putting their hands on you no matter what happens." She watched him in the mirror before shrugging. "Matt, please."

"I told you years ago Marie, I wouldn't leave Mello. If he didn't have me then he wouldn't have anyone. I'll stay with him until the end of time if I have to." He lifted himself off the table before feeling his phone vibrating in his pocket. He assumed it was Mello calling to tell him that he was ready to go because Roger was being annoying but instead a cheerful voice filled his phone.

"Matty!" The sing song voice came. "I know that the last time we met I had to leave but I've been thinking and there are something's that I want to tell you."

The red head blinked a few times, "Ah, okay. I'm a bit busy right now but we can meet up tomorrow sometime."

She giggled, "That's perfect. How about the tiny café at the end of First Street?"

"Perfect." He turned to find Mello's questioning gaze on him. "I, uh, have to go." He mumbled hanging the phone up without thinking twice about it. "Bye Marie, I'll stop by for another checkup soon."

The woman glared but it was at Mello, "Don't lie Matt. It's unbecoming."

He shrugged, "I tried." He whispered disappearing down the hallway attempting to make it to the door before Mello could catch him.

"Matt." The blond hissed as the red head stopped instantly. "If Roger and I are the only people that you talk to whom the hell were you just on the phone with?" He questioned as the red head shrugged slightly not glancing back to see the other's bothered face. "I see." He replied stopping beside the other in the hallway watching his face for several seconds. There was nothing to see but goggles and hair but that made Mello smile. "Wrong number?"

The red head cracked a smile, "That's what I assumed." He whispered but he wasn't so sure of his own words.


	11. Bittersweet friendship

Authors note: Finally have Internet again. Here is a laid back chapter between Matt and Mello and in the next chapter you will get to read Mello's own personal journal entries. Anyway, please read, review and enjoy.

Bittersweet friendship

"Matt?" Mello began his eyes still closed. He wasn't used to hanging upside down on a couch playing videogames but Matt was. The red head had asked him if he wanted to play and truthfully he didn't but the idea that the red head would finally talk to him was too appealing. He could faintly hear the boy beside him, completely engrossed, muttering under his breath while he managed to steer the car with precision. "Matt, I'm talking to you."

The red head nodded, "I know. You need less talking and more driving. You suck at this." He mumbled something else but it was lost in the string of curses from Matt hitting the wall on a tight corner that Mello had rammed him into. "That's bullshit."

The blond sighed placing the controller on his stomach and crossed his fingers. "Matt, I wanted to say that I'm sorry." He whispered though he wasn't sure of the red head could hear him over the sound of the television. Apparently he did because he shrugged lightly but took good measure to reach up and pull his goggles over his eyes before continuing the game on his own. "I mean it Matt. I shouldn't have gone through your stuff but I was worried about you."

He glanced sideways but shrugged again. "I don't know why. My computer had nothing to do with you worrying about me. Remember, you went through it because somehow I mentioned that you were inside of it. We live together Mello. There's bound to be something in there about you." His face twisted awkwardly before he abruptly pulled himself up and turning properly on the couch. "I don't go through your shit Mello, if I did you'd probably attempt to beat me into a stupor. The minute you touch something that isn't yours you feel that if you apologize everything should go back to being okay. It's not."

The blond nodded, "I deserve that. I know that I do but Matt you had been keeping that journal for years."

"I know. I was the one writing inside of it Mello. I remember every last one of the entries in there from childhood to yesterday." He glanced down at his own hands. "You had no right to go through my journal Mello. You found out things that you shouldn't have."

Mello didn't move. Instead he turned his face away. He couldn't dare say that he was sorry again. Matt clearly wasn't going to let that change anything. What did he want? He had already admitted that he was wrong in the situation and as far as Mello was concerned that should have even happened. Matt shouldn't have been writing about him inside that stupid journal but nothing could be changed now.

"I found out that you go in my room when I'm not home and sleep." He mumbled seriously closing his eyes again. "I found out that when I leave you don't think that I'm going to come back. I guess I deserve that. I found out that you used your nerdy Internet friends to find me after I left Wammy house. I found out that when I was away you used to dream about me. I found out that you knew where I was for almost six months but was too scared to actually speak to me so you kept your distance. I found out that you left before finals at Wammy house and therefore you were never placed. I found out that…"

"You found out that since we were kids I've been in love with you." He whispered coldly. Mello opened his eyes to find Matt staring ahead into the television that was paused from the game. "That I spent my days following behind the only person that decided to give me consideration and care. The only person that worried about me and in return I worried about you. When you left me Mello, I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know where to go or where I belonged." He clutched his gloved hand, "But now that we live together I found out that I'll never be anything more than your hacker friend and I accepted that. You wouldn't want some weirdo like me. If anything you'd want someone like you." His voice remained low as he continued on. "But you still come back to me and you look after me when I'm not me. It's only to be expected because I'm your friend. You're a good friend Mello."

Mello glanced over but Matt still hadn't moved. "Matt, you know what I'm going to say. I really…"

"Can't." He replied for him before shrugging. "I've known that for years but it doesn't mean that my feelings for you will go away. It's just awkward now." He sighed running his fingers through his hair. "I don't think that it's best for us both to be here anymore. I've been thinking since yesterday that I should…"

The blond glared, "Don't you dare say that you're going to move out just because I found out that you have a crush on me." He downplayed it for his own good. "I've known for years that you liked me Matt. Well, actually I just assumed that you liked me I wasn't too sure about it but…" His voice trailed off but he continued to stare at the red head who looked him over for a while. "If I didn't allow it to change our friendship why would you?" He questioned watching the others gaze wander.

He shook his head slowly, "You don't understand. You were never meant to know Mello." The red head almost looked caged when he turned heading down the hallway. "If you never knew then you couldn't turn me down. I…" He stopped clenching his fist. "I'm not saying that we shouldn't be friends anymore, I'm simply saying that maybe it isn't best that we live together any longer."

Mello strutted forward before grabbing the other by the shoulders, "I'm basically rolling over for you right now and you're still managing to piss me off. I'm saying that I want you to stay here…with me." He blinked a second. "I don't want you to get the wrong meaning behind that but we're mates. Where the hell would you be if you weren't here with me? Matt, you can barely walk outside the door for more than ten minutes without needing help. Don't make me beg. As far as I'm concerned I already am. Matt, please." He watched the red head look away. "I said I was sorry. I said I wouldn't do it again. I said that I would ignore your feelings."

Matt shoved the other, "That's the fucking problem. If I'm here with you Mello I'll never be able to…" He stared at the other for several seconds. "You don't understand, do you?" He watched blue eyes narrow on him before laughing quietly to himself. "You don't understand how I feel everyday we're together Mello. I don't think that you ever will. Look, I'll think about what you're asking from me but I don't think I'll be able to stay here with the knowledge that you know everything that's gone through my mind for the last decade."

The blond frowned, "If I let you read my journal will you stay?" He asked seriously as Matt just stared at him. "You didn't think you were the only person writing down their most intimate thoughts, right?" He questioned as the red head shrugged. "We all had our moments and Roger said that the best way to get it out completely was to write it down. You did, I did and so did everyone else. If I let you read my own journal will you calm the fuck down and stay?" He watched the red head slowly nod at him. "Good, I'll bring it."

He watched the other begin down the hallway, "Don't fuck with me Mello. You can't go in there and rip out pages because you don't want me seeing them."

He held a hand up, "I know. I read everything about you, I guess the least I could do was return the favour."


	12. Private Secrets

Author note: Here is the chapter in which Matty reads Mello's journal(s). Take from it what you will. Please read, review and enjoy. Oh yeah, each of Mello's entries were labeled '##' because, well I'm too lazy to think up actual dates for each of his entries. I think in most you can figure out an in general time that he wrote it. It starts from the beginning and moves on.

Private Secrets

Mello had offered to read it to Matt while the red head listened but the other had decidedly turned him down. He guessed that Matt didn't trust him enough not to change certain entries that he never wanted to see the light of day. That was more truthful than he was willing to admit. He was allowing the red head into his world. He was giving himself to someone else. That was something that he had never believed would happen but if it was anyone he guessed that Matt would be that person.

The red head had retreated to his bedroom with the notebooks and shut the door. He hadn't been heard from since but Mello guessed that he was reading right now. The idea of it made him cringe. He closed his eyes but even sleep wouldn't come when he was agitated. He sighed opening his bedroom door to glance across the hall. It was all or nothing. Since when did he care so much what Matt was planning on doing? Was he so lonely that if Matt moved out he didn't believe he could make other friends? No, Matt was just more important than friends. What the hell did that even mean?

~*xXx*~

_Entry ##_

_Roger once told me a while back that Matt was my saving grace. At first, I didn't know what he meant. Before he had said that I had never noticed Matt for anything more than my roommate, my friend and the person I spent hours yelling at for being stupid. When Near came he was the only person that could calm me down when I flew into a rage. The only person that could weather my hurricane and come back out intact with more words to spare. I see now that Matt is my saving grace. Without him I'm not sure how things would turn out for myself or anyone else in this house. He's the one thing that pulls me back once I've gone over the edge. I would never tell him that but I really like Matt. It's like we share an unspoken bond and it's something that I never want to lose. I can't lie. A world without Matt and I would be painfully lonely. I'm glad that I have him. _

_Entry number ##_

_I told him that he should have stopped talking while he was ahead and he didn't listen. I told him that if he didn't back down I would hit hm. I told him this and he still stood his ground. That stupid smirk and those stupid goggles and that stupid pinging of that stupid video game. So, when he didn't listen to what I told him I hit him. I hit him again and again and again. He took every last one of those hits like they bounced off of him and still smirked at me when I was done. Stupid Matt using himself to calm me down. Stupid, Stupid Matt. Now he's lying on the bottom bunk attempting to stop whimpering in his sleep so I don't know that I actually hurt him. Now, I feel bad but I won't say that I'm sorry. _

_Entry ##_

_Matt came up with this ingenious plan to sneak out and go into town to watch the match tonight. At first I believe that he was absolutely out of his mind but the more that he said the more that he wore on me. Finally, I went with him. We don't have much experience with the outside world but Matt is the only person that I've ever met to actually just take a lie and run with it. Before I knew it he had everyone in the pub believing that we were 19 and just wanted to come out and have some fun. He doesn't know it but as strange as he acts at times he has a likeable personality. I certainly like it. _

_Entry number ##_

_I haven't had the change to write anything. Truthfully, I'm not even sure why I decided to bring this stupid notebook with me but somehow it's something to replace Matt. I left him behind in Wammy house. I couldn't drag him out into the world without knowing what was out there for us to face. If anything I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something ever happened to Matty. I've spent years making sure that no one bothered him to the point that he's finally set in his ways. He's spent many years saving me from those that I want to hurt. It hurt me to leave him behind standing there in the window watching me walk away. He was the only person I made aware of my departure from Wammy house and I'm positive that he will be the only person that I'll miss. I couldn't bring him with me. Matt in this world would crush me. Matt, hanging onto my coattails and following me into hell. If there was anyone that I wanted to save, it would be Matty. Only Matty. _

_Entry ##_

_Still another gap since I've been able to write. I managed to make nice with quite a few unsavory individuals while attempting my recruitment. They need my mind and I need their power. In the last few days I've managed to do things that would make Mother Mary sob. I have to work my way up. Just because I'm intelligent doesn't mean that I won't double cross them which the sentiment is correct though I'm not working with anyone else. The most that I've been able to do was become introduced to the Don. He questioned me on some business and what I would do in this kind of situation. It's very basic but I have a lot to learn. I was right in my earlier idea not to bring Matt here. He wouldn't be able to stay here with me. I wouldn't allow them to drag Matty through the mud. _

_Entry ##_

_I actually killed someone today. My hands are stills shaking uncontrollably. I never believed that the day would ever come but I don't understand what made me believe that I would be different. I've found that I have steeled my emotions and I no longer feel fear but my soul. Mother Mary won't even be able to take my side at this point. I purposely shot that man in order to assure my spot here and to move up past a soldier. I watched the blood explode form his form and hit me in the face. I could feel the warm crimson and almost taste it but I didn't dare drop my gun. They were actually proud of me. I wasn't even given a reason to shoot the man just the order to do it. The pure power of the moment is still coursing through me .This is my time. I've finally managed to make it somewhere where I can catch Kira and beat Near. There's no turning back._

_Entry ##_

_Today I was almost tempted to go home. Home. It's strange that I call a play that I haven't been in years home. If anything where I am now should be home but it's not. Today is Matt's 18th birthday and there's no doubt that he's going to be leaving home to begin a new life. I can't believe I'm still thinking about someone that I haven't seen in ages. I hurt him. The way I left him. When I left him. There's not logical reason for Matt to even be thinking about me anymore and yet right now more than anything I want to track him down just to wish him a happy birthday. Even in this world he's still my only friend but I believe to him I lost that title ages ago. I still consider him a friend. I'll always consider him a friend. Happy birthday Matty. _

_Entry ##_

_I was online doing a bit of last minute research before I had to report to the Don and I believe that I came across Matt. I didn't want to simply come out and tell him that I knew who he was. Matt who lives his life believing that someone is after him and constantly watching. I didn't want to alert him so instead I read his progress. It seems that he's doing well for himself and he's still a nerd. His username was the first thing that I noticed when I checked the site, 'MarioMatt,' apparently he's some form of hacking God. I wouldn't put it past him to be able to do a bit of damage. I'm just glad that he's doing alright for himself. _

_Entry ##_

_I actually saw him today. Matt was sitting in a new import convertible smoking a cigarette. When I lifted my visor to get a better look I thought he looked directly at me. Actually, he did but he was too far off to be able to actually see me. Instead of saying anything I waved at him and he smiled back before switching gears and taking off down the road. At that moment I wanted nothing more than to be able to follow him home and finally…be with Matt. Why should I feel this way for someone who didn't even notice it was me on the motorcycle? No, Matt just didn't see me. He didn't know that I was there. I think it's about time that I find Matty. It's been far too long. Judging by the look I got at him today he's grown up. I won't go into details, that would be a bit too much but in due time. _

_Entry ##_

_Matt isn't nearly as hard to find as I had originally believed that he would be. Actually, I had been able to locate him with a simple easy hack into his computer. Sometimes tells me that Matt lowered his own security in the hopes that I would use the things that he taught me to find him. I couldn't help but laugh when it worked. So now I know exactly where he is and whenever I get up the courage I'll go and find him. Somehow, the idea of me going to find Matty isn't something that makes me jump for joy. He's the only person that I want to see but something inside is telling me that I shouldn't go to him now. I've delved myself into a world of crime and hurt. If they were to ever find Matt they could use him against me. I've worked had to come out on top and to make sure to show that there was nothing in the world that I valued. Even my own life but Matt…I can never allow them to know that Matt lives. That there's someone in the world that I would stop at nothing to save. In this world I don't have much and even if he hates me I still have Matt. I can't do this to him. I just can't. I'm sorry. _

_Entry ##_

_Matt and I moved in together today. It was actually pretty interesting to watch an introvert walk around and attempt to talk to people. I nearly buckled over watching him attempt to explain to the neighbors that we weren't lovers but just friends. I still don't think that they believed him. Over the last few years Matt is pretty much the same personality wise though he's still acting cold to me. I haven't once told him what it was that I do for a living or where I get my money but then again he never asked. I didn't bother asking him the same thing but there are very few things in the world that people like Matt can do to make the kind of money that he does. The only difference besides his attitude is the way he looks. Matt had actually grown up in my absence. I'm actually quite ashamed that I wasn't around to watch something so amazing take place. His boyish jaw has lined itself out. He's a skinny as a pole but cute. His hair still covers his face and he pulls his goggles down so I can't watch him but he's still Matty. We sat for nearly two hours in our living room talking to each other. No furniture or anything. He still looks at me the same, even with this scar on my face. Matty's the only person who can make me feel beautiful just by watching me. _

_Entry ##_

_Matt got himself into some kind of fucked up trouble. The most that I know right now is that he doesn't remember anything about himself or me. It's actually unnerving to be standing there and to watch him follow me from one side of the room to the other with his gaze now. At least My Matt wasn't so blatant about everything that he was feeling. He kept it to himself and…I keep my thoughts to myself. Especially the ones that I won't even attempt to record here. He's far more sexual, apparently he even slept…with…a …nurse? Can you believe that? Matt actually had sex with someone. Somehow, the idea of it pisses me off more than I can explain. I guess I never imagined that Matt would have sex…before me. Or maybe there's something else. I don't really know but I want My Matt back._

_Entry ##_

_I kissed him. I actually kissed Matt and I can't explain how it felt. I didn't even mean to do it but he was back after all the hell that he had put me though he had returned. He looked so beautiful and confused that before I knew it I was holding him in my arms. I…I can't do this right now. All I know is that now he's not talking to me. I've ruined our friendship, again. I can't believe this. _

~*xXx*~

Matt shifted staring down at the array of journals that the blond had given him. Everything was here from the very beginning to just the other day and after reading it he didn't feel any better. Nowhere here did it say that Mello felt the same way about him that he felt. Mello didn't understand what it felt to go through day after day wanting someone. Mello didn't understand what he felt like to want to wake up beside the person that you love. Mello didn't understand that he just wanted him. He could never understand.

He sighed standing up and gathering the books. Mello was probably waiting on him right now. Knowing Mello he would sit up all night if it meant that he got the effect that he desired. There was only one thing that he could think to do. He shuffled forward knocking quietly on Mello's door before opening it. "Mell?" He watched the blond look up before moving to sit up on his bed. For once he wasn't wearing his leather which showed that Mello wasn't about to leave for anywhere anytime soon. He wore normal cotton pajama pants and a warm shirt. "Here's your stuff."

The blond nodded gesturing for him to set it down wherever. "Look Matt, I'll respect if you want to move out but we've just got back together." He paused thinking about how his words sounded. "I really would miss you if you left." He mumbled his hair pulled into a ponytail leaving his face exposed for once. Matt could see the sincerity in his face as the other watched him. "Matt…"

The red head held up a hand, "We'll see Mell." He stood there in the doorway watching the other for nearly another minute before smirking. "Have a good night blondie. Don't forget to say your prayers."

Mello gave a small smile, "I won't. Good night Matt." He watched the door shut behind the other before his head fell to his hands. "Dammit."


	13. Unforgotten meeting

[Authors note: Here's the next chapter and it may be the last for a while until I get back to the college. Sorry guys. Please enjoy.

Unforgotten Meeting

"I thought we already discussed this Matt." Mello sat in the living room clicking through something on his laptop without looking up at the other. "The car sitting outside isn't for your crazy expeditions. It's a car that can be driven until your replacement comes from America. When I say can be driven I don't mean that you can jump in it and do all your drag racing or whatever it is that you did with your old car." He finally glanced up his eyes narrowing at the other. "What the hell are you wearing?"

The red head glanced down as if he didn't know himself. "A shirt, some slacks and shoes." He replied in the best way that he could. He had removed his goggles and they sat placed awkwardly in his pocket and for once his hair was actually combed. "I thought it'd be nice for a change." He mumbled. He didn't dare tell Mello that somehow he had managed to make a contact with someone he didn't know and that he was actually going to go out and meet them. Mello would want to go and that wasn't the best choice in the situation.

The blond looked unbelieving. "It looks like you're going on a date." He replied raising an eyebrow before closing the screen of the computer. "Where are you heading out to Matt?" He moved to stand before the other shrugged. "So you decided you wanted a change, dressed up and you don't know where you're going?"

Matt flashed a smile, "Yeah actually. I was just telling you that I was going out. I didn't come in here to get questioned Mello." He attempted to look cool under the others penetrating gaze but he desperately wanted his goggles to completely hide. "So yeah, I'll be back later."

Mello nodded his eyes following the other towards the door. "One question before you leave Matty." He watched the other pause reaching for the door. "Who is he?"

Matt glanced back, "Huh?" He stared at Mello's annoyed stance. "What 'he'?"

Mello's eyes blared, "What the fuck do you mean who is he? Your boyfriend, the one you're trying to sneak past me to get to. Who the hell is he?" He questioned folding his arms attempting not to rush at the other. He wasn't sure if he was going to hit him or kiss him so he kept his distance.

The red head chuckled, "Why jealous?" He questioned watching the other open his mouth before closing it. "Don't worry about it Mello. The position of my boyfriend isn't taken by anyone but it's always open to you." He winked but he was sure that the other didn't see it under his mass of hair. "If you're willing to take it?" He watched the other connect the dots and begin to speak back. "Yeah, I know. You're Catholic and I don't have a chance against God." He held his hand up to signal goodbye before heading out the door and shutting the door behind him.

In the hallway Matt relaxed no longer under Mello's gaze. He doubted that Mello was actually jealous of someone that he had never met but none the less he headed down the hallway without looking back.

~*xXx*~

_'Where the fuck does Matt get off hiding the fact that he has a boyfriend? He never mentioned it in the damn journal…' _The blond folded his arms staring at the place that Matt had just stood seconds previously and sighed. If he followed him then that would be a serious case of bad judgment and besides he had so much work that he needed to catch up with here and research to do. He glanced back over to his closed laptop and frowned. He was here doing work and Matt was out seeing a guy. They were probably kissing. His face did an involuntary twitch and he glared at the door.

What was really bothering him was the fact that Matt thought that he could lie to him and get away with it. If he had a boyfriend all he had to do was say so. Though, if he did, what was all that business in his journal about being in love with him? He folded his arms still staring at the door. Matt was dating someone. His Matt was dating someone and lying to him so that he could go see this guy. His fist clenched before he strode forward picking up his keys. It didn't mean anything if he didn't have proof and he'd be damned before Matt ever got something over on him.

Another few seconds and he was out the door fully intending on spending the day trailing Matt. He paused turning and heading back in the house before raiding his closet for a jacket that the red head rarely saw him wearing. With a sift movement he pulled the hood up and headed down the lift behind Matt.

Matt was still sitting in his car and Mello nearly thought that he had expected him to follow him before he noticed that the red head was on the phone smoking a cigarette. He sighed mostly out of relief before pressing himself against the wall to ensure that the other didn't see him watching him from afar. He didn't even know why it bothered him so much for Matt to have a boyfriend but it did.

He watched the red head laugh at something quietly before starting the car and pull out of the parking spot. Mello stood there silently in the doorway for several seconds making sure that the other was almost on the road before heading out with cat like grace to his motorcycle and starting it. If he was too close to Matt the red head would definitely notice him behind him. He could make up some kind of lame excuse. Actually, if he wanted to give up everything that he had worked for he could simply call Matt and have him pull over and go with him. Matt wasn't the kind of person to put up a fight when it didn't deal with hacking or punching.

~*xXx*~

Matt pulled to a stop in front of the luxurious restaurant before frowning. He wasn't even sure who he was meeting with and now he was going to walk into some restaurant without backup. He glanced at his phone in the hopes that it would ring and Mello would save him but the longer he stared the faster he realized that he shouldn't rely on Mello to be behind him all the time. Mello had gone years without him and what exactly had Matt accomplished during that time? Leaving home and getting an apartment. Mello had risen to the top of a crime organization. He covered his face and opened the door forcing himself to get out.

In the distance Mello had parked and stood watching the red head with his visor still down. He watched the other stride across the parking lot with enough confidence it made Mello nearly want to leave. He had no right to be here. He had turned down Matt without meaning to for years and now he had done it personally to his face at least three times. He shouldn't be here attempting to stop Matt from obtaining happiness. If anything he should be here wishing him luck but as he watched Matt pull the door open he couldn't help but feel as if he was letting go of the most important person in his life.

Inside Matt stood awkwardly by the door glancing around the glass lined interior of the restaurant where a dark haired man glanced up and gave him an annoyed look. "Name?" He questioned watching the red head with slight interest. He shifted leaning forward slightly more to be able to get a glimpse of his face under all that hair. He might actually be cute but one could never be too sure. "Excuse me sir, name?"

Matt jumped running his fingers through his hair giving just enough of a glimpse of his face for the waiter to smile at him. "Ah, yeah I'm here to meet someone but I'm not quite sure the name that I should be using. My name is Matt?" He glanced around again as the man nodded fingering the list before pointing to the back. "What?"

The waiter grinned, "Yes Matt, your party has arrived before you and is awaiting your presence." He gathered up another menu and bowing waiting for Matt to bring to walk. Once he did the man stood heading straight through the restaurant towards the back. "There's someone waiting for you in the private booths in the back dearest." He said gently. "Boyfriend perhaps?"

Matt shook his head, "Um no, I don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend for that matter." He mumbled as the other paused to look at him again as if to say 'really?'

"Well, if that's the case…" He mumbled writing down a phone number on the piece of paper. "My names Lucian and I would love to be able to get to know you." He winked opening the door for the red head that took the number and stared at it for a second. "I promise I don't bite hun." He waved goodbye and headed back towards his post.

Matt waved goodbye before slipping into the private room. "Hello…" He mumbled expecting to be with a woman but instead a man with golden brown hair sat watching him intently. "I'm guessing that I'm in the right place?" He watched the man nod before gesturing to the seat in front of him.

"Please, Matt, do take a seat."

~*xXx*~

Lucian glanced up from his nails just long enough to see a slender blond walk in through the front door. Everything about the make spoke elegance but it was tainted somehow with the aura that he shouldn't be bothered. He sighed, sometimes his job got too difficult. "Afternoon sir, how may I help you? Do you have a reservation?" He questioned his eyes traveling towards the skin tight leather the man was wearing and grinning. This certainly was his day but moderation told him that one hottie already had his number.

Mello kept his hood up making sure that the other didn't have a very good glimpse of his face unlike Matt. "Ah, yes. The red headed gentleman that just walked in…where exactly is he now?" He questioned his eyes trained directly towards the waiter who gestured towards the back. "Who is he meeting with?"

Dark hair shifted, "Ah, I just can't give out that information unless you tell me who you are." He replied as the blond glared at him. "Ahem, well in that case he's meeting a gentleman in the back. But don't worry, he said that the guy isn't his boyfriend." A light bulb went off, "are you his boyfriend?"

Mello raised an eyebrow, "Yeah. I'm trying to catch my boyfriend cheating on me." He mumbled. The words were false so why did he feel like they weren't.

Lucian frowned, "that asshole said he didn't have a boyfriend." He gathered another menu. "I'll help you out." He frowned stomping through the restaurant towards a side booth. "In the room behind you is where they're meeting. Lucky for you today is a slow Monday and it's quiet so you should be able to hear their conversation." He gave Mello a thumbs up. "good luck." He turned heading back to his post mumbling something like, 'better him than me.'

Mello took a seat staring at the menu without seeing. "No boyfriend, huh?" He shook his head. At least he didn't have to use connections to be able to get him a seat.


	14. Where the lies hide

[Authors note: Here's the next chapter. Sorry, I'm not in a good mood to write anymore anytime soon. I will eventually but I need to sort some things out in my life. ]

Where the lies hide

"It seems that you met my associate the other day." The man began watching Matt cross the space and take a seat. "She tends to babble on and I thought for once she had actually said something detrimental to the force when she spoke with you. Though, when she told me that you knew about the special forces I have to say that I was interested." He watched the red head for several seconds before shaking his head. "You're certainly not what I was expecting though from what I've found on you, you certainly get around in the cyber world. You are the international hacker Mariomatt, correct? "He questioned as the red head shrugged awkwardly attempting not to look scared in his seat.

Matt shrugged slightly, "I go by many names." He replied almost instantly before leaning back in his chair to give himself some form of leverage. "Much like you I won't come out and say exactly who I am but I am very sorry that you believed that your associate has been telling me information on your group. She has not if that makes you feel better. Everything that I know I have discovered on my own much like the information that you have on me." He gave a determined smirk in order to hide the jumping in his chest. Mello was more suited for bluffing than he'd ever be but right now the blond wasn't here to save his soul.

The man gave a light laugh though it bordered on manic. He was slowly reminding Matt of Mello with the mind games included. "How about this I tell you what I know about you and you tell me exactly what you know about me." He watched the other with interest but Matt shook his head slowly. "Ah, why would you need to safeguard that kind of information? It's not doing you any good at this point. Just tell me what you know and I'll do the same. I'm a man of my word. I promise." Hazel eyes narrowed as a waiting knocked on the connected door before waiting several seconds to open it.

The woman looked fearfully around the room before sighing. Apparently she believed that she would find someone else in here but she seemed pleasantly surprised as she held up her notepad in expectation of an order. "All right, I'm glad that you two seem to be doing well in here. Forgive me for being late but I got into a slight problem with the blond man seat outside." At those words both individuals looked up and she gasped quietly. "Anyway, what would you both like to drink to get a starter?"

The brown haired man ordered for the two of them before Matt could say anything and the woman nodded quietly before scurrying out the room as quickly as she could. Matt glanced back across the table. He had felt a chill when the other said that he was a man of his word. "Funny, most noble men tell their names before deciding to begin asking questions. Unlike you I'm not a man of my world, actually I live my life finding the loop holes that everyone else has either forgotten about or don't look for." He smirked watching the other nod. "I can't tell you anything that I know about you just like you won't tell me what you know about me."

The man nodded slightly, "I like you Matt." He watched the others face but there wasn't a decodable change. "From everything that I've learnt about you and from sitting here with you right now I would like to offer you a job." He watched the other glanced up for a second but there was so much hair in his face there was no way to tell exactly what he looked like. One time he thought he saw a glimpse of blue eyes then a dark green but this time they looked almost black. This man was annoying. "Seeing as you already know about the special task force created to catch Kira I would like your skills to be on the team."

Matt blinked several times attempting to buy him time with each passing second. The sound of his own name from the man's lips almost made him twitch but he kept it to himself out of the hope that the other wouldn't notice the sweat that he was breaking out into. "And what exactly are the skills that you believe that someone like me happens to possess."

The man smirked, "You're a hacker." He replied matter-of-factly. "Actually, no, you're one of the best hackers in the world if not the best. You're on every wanted list from the United States to Japan and everyone in between. You've worked for several years under an unknown leader but you always leave a signature. You are MarioMatt and my predecessor would have liked it very much if you would work with us. He loved people with sparkling ability so that they wouldn't waste it on something mundane like what you've been doing so far in your life."

Red head shifted just long enough for the man to be able to get a full glimpse of a dark green eye. "And your predecessor was who exactly? Just so I know who is doing me such a kind favour as offering me a job like this?" He questioned unsure if he would be able to talk his way into making the other wait for a reply while he thought over everything that could possibly go wrong right now.

The woman returned slipping the drinks down in front of the two before giving a sheepish smile. She glanced back and forth from the two who continued to stare at each other. "Ah, would you like to order sirs?" She questioned.

The light haired man shook his head, "No this will be fine. We will be departing soon." He gave her a complimentary smile which somehow in her little world made everything alright. She said her goodbyes and made her way out of the room again. The man turned back to Matt before tilting his head, "Why, L of course." He replied seriously waiting for the interest to perk in the other but to his surprise it didn't come. "Did you hear me?"

The red head nodded, "Oh yeah I heard you." He mumbled remembering the L that he had heard so much about growing up. Each passing moment this was turning more and more into something for Mello to deal with not him but they didn't want Mello. Mello didn't know his way around a computer like he did. Mello didn't know how to work a worm into anyone's system. Mello had basic understanding the man in front him wanted him. He doubted that he even know about Mello. "Well, as of now I have to take some time to think about it." He moved to stand, "If you need to contact me feel free to use the number that your associate has." He moved to stand as the other did the same. He extended a hand, "It's a pleasure to meet you Raito Yagami." He felt the others grip tighten slightly in his own. He left the room without offering an explanation. Somehow he felt as if he had won that now all he had to do was determine exactly what he wanted to do. He had wound up in more trouble than he was willing to admit.

~*xXx*~

Unfortunately Lucian has been completely wrong. The rush was still coming for food it was just slightly delayed. The more minutes passed the less that he was able to hear the conversation going on in the other room. It wasn't until he watched Matt stroll out looking so sure of him that he knew that everything was over. Seconds later a handsome gentleman followed Matt watching him with extreme interest.

Mello's fist clenched nearly cutting off the circulation within his palm as he stood. He wouldn't confront Matt right now in front of everyone but the red head certainly had it coming. As he exited behind the other two he noted that Matt was still doing his racecar driving in that rented car like he had told him not to. He hated not being listened to.

"Hey, you." Lucian called as Mello turned around to glare at him. Behind the stand Lucian smiled, "Knock'em dead. He has it coming."

The blond smirked, "You have no idea."


	15. Knock'em dead

[Authors note: Oh lookie! I'm back and in a better mood if only for a while. The new semester has started at the college and lucky for you guys I love procrastination which means I have homework right now that I'm not doing. DO NOT WORRY, IT'S NOT DUE TOMORROW. Anyway, thank you for everyone who told me to take my time until I regained my muse and here is the product. For everyone cheering for Matt and Mello remember things have to get worse before they get better. Maybe. Anyway please read, review and enjoy.

Knock'em Dead

The first thing Matt did when he arrived home was change clothes. When he looked at himself in the rear view mirror while he was driving he couldn't even recognize himself. The more he stared the more it began to unnerve him as he turned into the parking garage under the building. After driving around for a while he finally came to the conclusion that Mello had left sometime after him. He wasn't sure where the blond had left to but he wasn't going to go out looking for him anytime soon.

He stripped himself down staring at his frame inside wall mirror that Mello had insisted that he would one day need for something. So far he had only used the mirror to check to see if his goggles where on his head and how well anyone could see his eyes while he was talking to them. It wasn't particularly needed but somehow he always believed that Mello put a mirror in every room of the apartment so that he could look at himself without anyone questioning it. Mello could stand in front of the mirror all day long and Mat wouldn't' say two words to him about it.

He raided his closet for a clean shirt and pair of jeans before slipping into them just in time to hear the front door open. He paused momentarily waiting for Mello to come check to see if he was home but when he didn't hear anything he stood up straight staring at the door. "Mell?"He called reaching for his bedroom door before the knob turned on its own. "Mello?" He sighed when he finally saw the blond hair peek around the corner to look at him. "Dammit, you can't just walk in the door and not say anything." He watched the blond stare at him for a few seconds before reaching in his pocket and pulling out a chocolate bar.

"Where'd you go?" He asked quietly using his teeth to rip open the package. He watched the other give him a side glance but he didn't respond. Instead Matt continued to stand there and look at him. "I asked you a question."

Matt shrugged, "I could ask you where the hell you go every time you walk out the door but I don't." He replied seriously unsure of how the other was going to react. When the blond continued to stand there he continued, "You work in a business that every day when you walk out that door I don't know if you'll come back in one piece or at all." He suddenly had a flash of the mafia incident nearly a year prior and winced. "So unless you're going to tell me where you went I don't have to tell you where I went." He watched the blond take a bite of the dark chocolate and suck on it for a while. "Well?"

Mello shrugged throwing caution to the wind, "You said you didn't have a boyfriend." He said without answering the others question. "Why did you lie Matt?"

The red head glared, "What are you talking about?" He questioned feeling the blonds gaze boring down on him. "Did you follow me?" He watched the other shrug slightly. "You fucking followed me Mello? Why?"

The blond took another bite of chocolate. "We're best friends Matt, there's no reason for you to lie and say that you don't have a boyfriend. If you have a boyfriend then you have a boyfriend. Personally, I don't care who's fucking you. It wasn't going to hurt me any. I don't want to fuck you." The others eyes slowly narrowed as he spoke but it was almost as if the other was look past him and into the wall. "The only thing I ask is that you don't lie."

Matt felt his fist clench, "All the shit we just went through about trust and you can't trust me enough not to lie to you." He could feel the heat boiling through his body but he wouldn't hit the other. That's what Mello would do in this situation. "I can't believe you!"

Mello shrugged slightly still staring past the red head. "I thought you said the position for your boyfriend was still open." He watched the other look confused. "Was that a joke or what?"

Matt threw his hands up, "Mello, I don't have a boyfriend. I don't even leave the house, where the hell would I get a boyfriend?" He watched the other shrug without actually glancing at him. "It was a joke though. It was just a joke." He felt a pang deep inside his chest but didn't speak anymore as he turned to look at the blond.

"What did you talk about with that man then Matt?" He asked remembering the look at the other gentleman was eyeing the red head with. That wasn't the look of someone simply meeting for the sake of meeting. The man had looked, for lack of better words, interested. Entranced. Enticed and by Matt no less. It was almost unbelievable but if you got past all of his setbacks it wasn't hard to find Matt attractive.

It was the red heads turn to shrug, "It's a long story that I don't feel like going through with you right now Mello." He wasn't sure what he was going to do with this anger. It was actually freaking him out how laid back Mello seemed about everything. Instead of screaming and punching he was just standing there and eating his chocolate like everything about this conversation was normal. If Mello didn't care if he had a boyfriend or not then why did he even bother following him? If the red head were to point that out no doubt that blond would have some form of asshole response. He stared into the others eyes but Mello wasn't looking at him he was staring past him into the wall. "Look Mell, I need some time alone. Can you give me that without intruding and overstepping your boundaries as a friend?"

Slowly Mello's focused on the other standing in front of him. "If I denounced my faith right now, would you be with me Matt?" He asked softly watching the confusion register on the others face. "If I denounced everything right now would you break up with him and be mine?"

Matt was speechless as he continued to stare at the other. "Mello…what the hell are you talking about?" He would have asked if the other felt alright but that would be risking Mello switching gears and suddenly growing violent or something worse….homicidal. "Mello, I…I don't know where you're going with this but trust me I'd take you Catholic or not."

The blond nodded slowly biting another piece of chocolate before glancing down and examining it. "Of course you would Matt. That's the type of person that you are. You're loyal to me to the end…." He smirked pushing himself off the wall. "I have no interest in you physically Matty, it's just mental. You have a brilliant mind but otherwise there's nothing there for me to be interested in. As far as I'm concerned you wouldn't leave me no matter how I treat you." He turned strolling down the hallway and disappearing into the living room.

Matt stared at the empty space where the man had previously stood. Was that really all that Mello thought about him? Is that really why they were best friends? He didn't have to be here working with Mello, he didn't even have to live with the blond. There were plenty of other places he could go to. Plenty but Mello looked at him in the light that he would never betray him. Was he right? Was he really so weak that he needed to be close to Mello, someone that didn't love him or care for him. No, he didn't need Mello any more than Mello needed him. This had to end.

He reached for the phone redialing the female's number from before; it had been placed in his phone under Misa. She answered after a few rings, "Hey Misa, can I speak to your friend. I want to take his proposal."


	16. Breaking free

[Authors note: I'm going to keep updating until it's over with and done. So here is the most recent installment. I hope you do enjoy.

Breaking free

Mello propped his legs up on the table in front of him watching the heavies play cards in the corner. Today happened to be a slow day, it happened sometimes when things took a while to come together like they were supposed to. It wasn't that today was a particularly boring day but it gave him a lot of time to think to himself. He had actually been attempting to keep himself away from thinking because everything led back to Matt. What he had said to Matt. Why he had said it to Matt. Why he had decided to hurt Matt yesterday. He couldn't stand the thought of it but he wouldn't apologize for it. He couldn't apologize for it because it would mean that he would be showing weakness. Matt could never see him weak. It just couldn't happen.

He sighed closing his eyes before nearly jumping out of his skin when Alphonse took a seat across from him. Apparently he had gotten tired of cheating soldiers out of their expensive watches and money because here he was. "What's up with you Mello? I've heard you sighing the whole time we were playing. If you wanted to join in I'm sure we would have let you." He smirked slightly, "Or are you too scared that we'd clean you out."

Mello scoffed, "As if you could. I learned poker from the best of them. I learned from the King of bluffing." He opened an eye attempting to keep his heart from bursting out of his chest. He hadn't even heard the other walk up on him. That wasn't good; it was time for him to get away because his defenses were crashing from stress. Damn Matt.

Alphonse, better known as Phonse tilted his head slightly to get his dark hair out of his eyes. "Oh really, who is that?" He questioned knowing that several of the soldiers that were playing the game were listening in. When Mello actually wasn't giving orders or yelling at someone he didn't speak. If he ever spoke to say anything otherwise it made everyone stopped and listened. No one dared have a conversation with him except apparently Phonse.

Mello shifted slightly, "My girlfriend." He replied without missing a beat. He watched the surprise register on the others face and a couple of intakes of breath. "Problem?" He questioned almost looking like he was reaching for something. Phonse instantly started sweating before shaking his head quickly to calm the blond down in front of him.

He attempted and failed at a cool smile, "I just didn't peg you as the type to have a girlfriend." He watched a blond eyebrow rise and quickly back peddled, "I mean that you seem really solitary. You spend a lot of time here and the only person that you text or call is the Don or that Matt guy. We assumed that he was your roommate."

"Mattie." Mello corrected watching the other flinch. "What made you think that Mattie was a male?" He watched the other shrug uselessly. "Right, you shouldn't assume things about people. They might get you killed. Don't forget that soldiers are useless." The sound of a gun cocking could be heard from somewhere but Mello didn't look like he moved. His hands weren't visible.

Phonse laughed awkwardly, "Right sorry Mello. You got a picture of your lady?" He questioned instantly regretting it when the blond shifted pulling the automatic above the table. He almost looked like he was going to point it at the other but instead placed it on top of the table.

"And why would I show you a picture of her?" He questioned leaning forward. "A weakness is a weakness. Don't be confused, she could be offed and I wouldn't think twice about it." He stood reaching for his jacket and strolling out of the silent room. He gently closed the door behind himself and instantly knew that he lied. Matt was his best friend. He had never really thought of him as being anything else but why did he bother using his name for his girlfriend? He didn't look at Matty in that kind of light. Maybe if he had been a girl he would but that's not the case. He lifted his hand and found himself crossing his body as if he had just sinned. He needed to get home.

~*xXx*~

"I didn't know room and board were included." Matt mumbled as he rolled his suitcases into the large living area. It had already been set up with several computers and were ready to be plugged in a used. He couldn't help but feel at home anywhere that had this kind of resources. He faintly felt bad for moving out without telling Mello that he was but what better way to show the blond than to not be there when he came home? There wasn't one. If Mello believed that he needed him then he'd be damned if he allowed it to continue. He had to move his way from the blond just as he did years about before Mello walked back into his life.

He checked him phone only to find that there wasn't any calls or messages. The blond hadn't been home yet which he guessed was good. He had managed to trade his car in for a different model so the blond couldn't trace him. He glanced up to notice that Raito was watching him with confused eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asked as the red head nodded slowly attempting to listen as the other explained the lay out of his new apartment. He also went into detail that his room was right across the hallway and Misa was on a different floor. He hadn't met Misa but he was grateful that she had managed to meet him whenever it was.

Matt nodded with a smile towards the other, "Yeah just thinking. I was going to get everything put away here before getting the computers up and running." He felt a bit awkward under the hazel gaze of the man much like he did under Mello's. There was so much intelligence in those eyes and he could never truthfully figure out at the right time what they were thinking about. Right now was no different.

Raito nodded slowly giving the other a bit of a space. "Of course. I'll be right across the hallway so if you need anything you know what to do. Remember Matt, no one can know that you're here. This is a secret special task force designed to catch Kira." He ran his eyes over Matt a few times. He didn't think that it would be too much danger for Matt. He lived his whole life in secret. He smirked, "When you're done come see me Matt." He closed the door behind himself leaving the red head alone for the first time in years.

~*xXx*~

The minute Mello walked in through the front door he knew something was wrong. There was something that was instantly off. He took a step pulling out his gun before checking his own room and the remainder of the house finding no one in sight. A few steps into the living area he paused. Matt's games and systems were gone but the television was still sitting on its stand. He frowned heading back down the hallway towards Matt's bedroom door before knocking on it lightly. It would be strange for the red head to lock himself up in his room from what he had said to him yesterday. Maybe he had moved his games so that he didn't have to sit in the living room and play. He sighed when there wasn't an answer.

He knocked again before turning the knob and pushing it open. "Matty, I'm sorry alright. You win I…" He paused speechless. The room had more or less been cleaned out. Matt's computers had been disassembled but they remained in the corner. The bed had been made with good sheets. The closet was empty and the bathroom no longer had anything from the red head. There were no games and no Matt.

"He fucking didn't." Was the only thing that managed to slip from Mello's lips as he moved forward further into the room. "Matt?" There was no response. He turned to look at the bed where there was a letter. He picked it up and read:

_You said that I'm faithful and that I'll never leave you. We'll see Mell, we'll see. _


	17. Too late to apologize

[Authors note:The last chapter had surprising things apparently for the readers. Everyone was saying that Matty is mean for leaving Mell. I don't personally think so but whatever floats your boat. Anyhow, here is the next installment. For all those rooting for a happy ending we'll see what happens. You know the deal.

Too late to apologize

Matt had been in his new room for hours and couldn't bring himself to unpack. Instead he busied himself by watching his phone and waiting for the eventual call of a wrathful Mello. He knew that the blond must have come home by now, or at least he thought that he would have. He typically came home just to check on him before leaving a while later but the phone hadn't rang yet. Maybe Mello didn't care that he was gone. Maybe Mello was happy. If he was then everything worked out in the end. The idea that the other was alright with him leaving brought pain to his chest.

He moved to stand when the phone began to vibrate angrily on the bed. He picked it up and didn't bother reading, 'Mell' because it had to be him calling at this time of day. The only other person to call him would be Roger and the older man hadn't called him since their visit. He clicked the screen, "Yeah."

"Yeah? Yeah? That's all you have to fucking say is yeah Matt?" Mell raged into the phone sounding like he was punching a wall in the background. "Where the fuck are you? You move out and you don't tell me. I don't know who the fuck you think you are but this shit isn't funny." Though he was raging he sounded as if he were stopping himself from screaming. It had cooled into a finely tuned crisp voice and he attempted again. "Matt, come home." He said his voice nearly dropping into a whisper. "I don't know where you decided to go but we can talk about this. I'm sorry for what I said to you. I'm sorry, okay. You win."

The red head paused unsure of what to say again. He had rehearsed so many lines in his head for hours before the blond called and they all failed him. He hadn't expected for the other to apologize. He expected for the man to rage but to actually admit that he wasn't right was unprecedented. "Mell, I can't do this anymore. I can't be your loyal lapdog forever. I think that it's time for us to take a break from each other. I'm working right now so…"

The blond was silent for several minutes, "You sound like you're breaking up with me." He replied quietly the crispness in his voice gone. "Matt, please don't do this. I already told you I didn't mean anything that I said to you. I just want you to forgive me. I really just need you to forgive me." He closed his eyes finally seating himself on the made bed in Matt's room. "Please, come home. We can talk about everything when you get here."

The red head shook his head even though he inwardly knew that the other couldn't see him. He knew that if he stepped foot back inside that apartment with Mello the blond would do anything and everything in his power to keep him there. His voice wasn't fooling Matt, he knew that if he met with Mello the blond would easily manipulate his emotions to get him to stay. "Mello, you know I can't do that." He took a deep breath knowing that he would instantly regret it if he backed down now. "Mello, I-I love you." He said it in an even tempered voice. "Mello, I've been in love with you for years. I've stayed by your side because I couldn't dare leave you but now…I know that there's no way that you'll give me a chance and there's no way that I can stay knowing that I'll never have you." He closed his eyes turning to look at the door to make sure that Raito hadn't returned. He knew that the other said that he would be checking on him later. "Mello, please don't make it harder for me. Let me do this. Please, let me do this."

Mello had his head in his hands. "Matt, what will I do without you?" He asked softly glancing around the room.

"I don't know Mell, but you survived without me before. We both did. Let's just be friends. Start over more or less." He knew that he must have sounded insane to the blond on the other end of the phone but he couldn't dare back off of the other now. "Please, Mell, let's start over."

He felt himself nodding slowly but he was unsure why. He felt like he had managed to lose more than just his best friend in the past few days. "Let's meet for dinner. I won't try anything, I just…to apologize. Like old times." He whispered all the anger deflated, leaving silence in its wake.

Matt sighed, "Okay Mell, I'll be there but I won't go home with you." He said seriously. "I've on a job right now and I can't be with you for something like this. No following, nothing." He waited for the other answer. After several seconds he glanced at the phone to make sure that the call wasn't dropped. The blond was still there, just silent.

"You have my word Matty." He replied seriously unsure what else to say. "You know where to meet. I'll see you there." He hung the phone up. It sat redundantly in his hands. Matt was the only person that he spoke to and without a reason to call or text him anymore for once he truly felt lonely.

~*xXx*~

Raito glanced towards the door again before raising an eyebrow. He had no idea that Matt was in a relationship with someone. Well, was in a relationship with that person. He couldn't very well walk in and ask him to go to dinner together but at the same time he did tell the red head that he would come and check up on him later. It had been hours and he wanted to see how well Matt was adjusting.

Matt. The name was false; he could very well tell that with his shinigamis amusement at the name. Unfortunately, the Being wasn't allied with him or anyone else and therefore wouldn't tell him the red heads actual name. Though, currently Matt had his usefulness. There would be no use getting rid of someone that was useful. Misa could easily be taken care of if the time came but right now he wanted Matt here to keep him company. Maybe he had finally found someone. No, it was too soon for that.

His hand stifled on the door as he stared forward as the door popped open showing the redhead shrugging in full gamer gear with the goggles pulled down over his face before he stopped almost running into Raito. He didn't look surprised; actually he stood there waiting for the other to speak. Raito managed a sweet smile, "I wanted to see if you were moving in well but it seems like you're on your way out the door."

The red head nodded slowly, "Yeah I have someone I need to go see. You didn't have to stand outside, you could have come in." He watched the slight surprise register on the man's face before settling quickly. A smirk appeared on the redheads face, "Don't worry about it. I'll be back later." He slipped past Raito gently closing the door behind himself before heading towards the lift.

When the red head had disappeared inside he inspected the door. How could he have known that he had been standing outside? Was that just natural paranoia? Did he have cameras hidden here already? He paused glancing down the hallway for several more seconds before returning to his room. There was more to Matt than met the eye and he was planning to find out just how far the secrets ran and how far he had to dig before he met the real Matt.


	18. One more time

[authors note: So here's the next installment. Anyway, for those who want a happy good and wholesome ending things have to progress before we get anywhere close to there. For you all I say that this story isn't anywhere near finishing but I think I do want Matt's other side to come back. He was fun. So anyway you know the drill. Until next time.]

One more time

Mello lifted the visor scanning the parking lot to find Matt's car but there wasn't a trace. He sighed, of course he would beat Matt to the meeting point not that it mattered. Matt would show up in due time probably with the same crooked smile and goggled face. The more that he thought of it he wasn't sure exactly how well this would end up working. Matt had gone out of his way to get away from him. Was he really hurting Matt more than helping him by being around? No, that had nothing to do with it. Matt was upset because he was playing with his emotions. Matt's emotions, he had never fully thought about those before. He really was wrong.

Surprisingly the car legally made a left turn before pulling into the parking lot though he did narrowly miss oncoming traffic and probably dying at the same time. Mello winced at Matt's lack of caring before straightening as the other parked quietly beside him. The window slowly rolled releasing built up smoke that billowed upward before revealing his face. "Hey." He said his hair tucked up and away from his face for once. Matt was going through drastic changes, was that his fault also?

He didn't smile instead he stared attempting to register his face into something that wasn't glare. He wasn't sure how it looked but Matt's expression never changed but that didn't mean that he wasn't glaring. Matt had managed to weather the storm for more years than most. "Yeah, let's go for a walk before dinner." He mumbled pulling the helmet off feeling his hair shift and fall before glancing at the red head that was lighting another cigarette before getting out of the car.

Matt slid out of the car blowing smoke into the others face before turning and heading towards the park. "You coming?" He questioned feeling the smirk form itself on his lips when he felt Mello's cold glare on the back of his neck. Priceless. "Gonna hit me, princess?" He asked glancing over his shoulder just in time to see the blond tread down the trail after him flexing his fist with each step as if he really were going to do something but he wouldn't. This is a public area and Mello wouldn't so much as yell if he thought it would attract the wrong kind of attention. That's why he was surprised that Mello would choose such a location to talk about this.

Mello glared, "What the fuck did I tell you about calling me that?" He hissed in a deadly calm voice but the red head just shrugged. There were so many questions bubbling under the surface but each one of them showed an intimacy and weakness that he wasn't revealing to Matt. "If anything you're the princess, not me. Running away to a better place and all that jazz." He watched the red head shrug but he didn't respond. Mello finally caught up to him glancing at the others face, "Matt, where did you go?"

Matt glanced over, though his face was visible his eyes were still hidden behind sunny tinted glasses. "Well, I went to a place that I will live at for an amount of time before I move to another place for another amount of time." He grinned almost making Mello want to knock his teeth out. "But really though, I'm currently working on something and it requires that I can't live…with you." He wasn't sure how to voice it so that Mello wouldn't ask questions but anyway was useless. Mello was filled with questions that he would get an answer to one way or another.

The blond sighed, "You couldn't have told me that instead of leaving a cryptic message and disappearing suddenly." He almost looked like he wanted to pout but he didn't. He straightened and moved forward with enough pace that Matt had to run to catch up. "Matt, are you going to come home when this is over?" He glanced back in time to watch the red head shrug. "Matt, shrugging is not answering my question, it's being an asshole. Stop it."

"I'm being an asshole?" He questioned seriously watching the other as if he had just said the most unintelligent thing possible. "Right now I don't know what I'm going to do when the time comes. Hopefully I won't have to think about it until then because right now no, I don't want to come home to you when my stuff is complete." He winced. He didn't want Mello to feel like this was only because of the journal or only because he was in love with him. Truthfully, he didn't know what it was that made him feel as if he should keep his distance from Mello for a while. "I already told you how I feel. It gets difficult and I feel as if you use my affection for you to your advantage. It's not the best feeling in the world Mell."

The blond gaped at him, "I do." He replied seriously watching the other wince. He sighed, "Let me clarify. It has nothing to do with the way that you feel for me. I don't think that you should feel obligated to help me because you…have feelings for me but I ask for your help as a friend and someone that I know I can rely on. Or at least I thought that I could rely on you. It doesn't seem that way anymore which kind of hurts. I know I've fucked up Matt, I know that you can't possibly feel the same way but…"

"Why did you kiss me?" The red head cut him off with ease almost as if he wasn't talking. Mello had to admit he was ranting but that didn't mean that Matt got to be rude. "You kissed me on your own; I had nothing to do with it. Yet, you tell me that I don't have a chance because you're Catholic and being with me would doom your eternal soul. So it confuses me that you would kiss me even because of joy of having me back. Is it because you're Catholic that you can't be with me or because you're not attracted to me?"

Mello stopped in the middle of the trail and stared at the red head who continued to stare back. He was confused about that? Hell, Mello was confused about that and he was the one that kissed him. He bit back the insults, looked directly into the sunny tint of the red heads goggles and replied, "I don't know Matt. I really don't know."

Matt didn't respond for several seconds before nodding, "So if you weren't Catholic you'd give me a go?" He questioned.

"Maybe." Mello ran his fingers through blond tresses for once wishing he had goggles like Matt to hide his eyes and reaction. "I'm not sure."

The red head smirked, "So you're gay but Catholic?"

The blond glared, "I said maybe, that's not a yes. I am not gay."

Matt shrugged, "If you find me attractive which I think you do. You kissed me out of happiness or not I don't claim to know and you may give me a go if you weren't Catholic then Mello, you're probably gay."

Mello's hand twitched, "You know what Matt fuck this whole conversation. I wouldn't give you a go even if I was gay. You're a junkie, you smoke non-stop and all you do is play videogames. You're a goddamn shut in for Christ's sake and you really think that someone like me would bother touching someone like you. You're lucky that we're even friends. Case fucking closed Matt. I don't want to be with you like that. I'm not gay and I'm always going to be Catholic. Don't ask it anymore."

Matt didn't respond, instead he turned and headed back towards his car at the end of the trail.

Mello took in a deep breath, "Dammit all."


	19. Unfinished Beginnings

[authors note: So here is the next installment. For everyone who had been wanting something good and happy to happen here you are. It's still no where near the end of the story so be looking forward to more soon. Whenever I find the time between 18 credits and reading. I'll start procrastinating soon, don't worry. So Matt and Mello fans you know the deal.]

Unfinished beginnings

Mello afforded himself a glance sideways towards the red head that hadn't spoken to him since he decided where they would be going to eat. It was nice enough to Matt to offer to drive them both but Mello wasn't sure why he accepted when he knew it was going to be awkward. The other kept his eyes on the road even when he was reaching for something away from the road. It upset Mello that Matt would rather reach for something blindly then actually look at him now.

"Matt, I'm sorry." He began unsure of where the rest of the sentence was going to come from. "I didn't mean most of what I said." He couldn't remember what he had even yelled at the red head just that it was enough to make him go silent. "We've been friends since we were little and you should know by now that I get carried away. I can't control my emotions nearly as well as I wished I could. You upset me, but all of this isn't my fault. The majority of it is your fault."

Matt still didn't bother to glance over. "Okay. It's my entire fault." He responded quietly switching the gear forcing the car into a higher speed before pressing the gas all the way down and speeding through traffic. "It's my fault that you read my journal. It's my fault that I lost my memory. It's my fault that you kissed me. It's my fault that I love you." He shrugged finally looking at the other. "I knew all of this before I came out here so what exactly did you want to talk to me about Mell?" He questioned knowing that the other didn't have an answer for it. The blond only knew that he wanted him to come home and that was something that wasn't going to be happening anytime soon.

Mello sighed, I don't know Matt. I knew that I wanted to see you because I didn't want for things to end this way. I feel bad for what I've done and every time we end up talking about it something bad happens. This isn't the way it should be. I know there should be way more to this but I just don't want our friendship to crumble because you can't get over a puppy crush and I have anger problems." He winced at his own words. He wasn't supposed to admit that out loud. Everyone already knew what was wrong with him, admitting it out loud would only make the problem real. "

Green eyes slowly shifted back to the road. For once Matt wasn't smoking, he was actually thinking. "I can't get over my puppy crush." He repeated the sides of his mouth tilting upwards almost as if he were smirking but his voice came back cold. "If I could get over my puppy crush I could leave you alone completely and you'd never have to worry about kissing me again. I could move on and fall in love with someone else. Someone that…" He paused for a second before sighing, "Someone that would actually love me back." He replied finally.

The blond didn't respond instead keeping his gaze outside the window. Is that all that Matt really saw in their relationship? The only reason he had decided to stay for so long was because he loved him? It wasn't because they were friends. He almost wanted to cry at the others words but instead he folded his arms over his chest.

The only way that Matt would stay with him was if he dated him. He wasn't sure how well that would work firstly because he didn't consider himself gay and secondly it would just be playing with Matt's emotions if he didn't feel anything or the same way. Did he feel the same way? Sometimes, he could imagine Matt being attractive. He could imagine the quiet red head looking presentable. He had beautiful green eyes that whenever he could manage to get a glimpse of them would make him stop and stare. His smile was enough to make him want to see it every day and Matt was the thing that he wanted to see when he came home. He remember quite a few times that he came home and the red head was gone doing some form of mission and he was disappointed. Matty was supposed to always be there for him.

Matt was the one that was there for him when he found out that L was dead and he had lost the position to Near. Matt was the one he went two when he first started losing to Near and dropping off into second place. Matt was the one he came back to when half his face was burnt off. Matt was the only person that wanted to look at him now.

Deep down he had always knew that Matt was in love with him. Even when they were children he had always had an idea but he never believed that he had used it again him. He glanced over noticing that the red head seemed tensed. Maybe, it wouldn't be a bad an idea after all to attempt to date Matt. He might even like it.

The red head shifted to the side as he drifted a corner to pull into the restaurant. "Mello, stop staring at me. It's unnerving and awkward."

The blond nearly blushed, "Sorry. Are we here?" He asked as the other pulled into a parking spot further back than the other cars.

Matt nodded, "Were you not paying attention. It's not like you to let your mind wander." He gave the other a suspicious glance before shrugging slightly.

Mello took in a deep breath watching with a slight pained expression as the red head unbuckled his seat belt and made to get out of the car. His hand shot out grasping the others stripped jacket to pull him back. Matt looked slightly stunned before his expression settled into blankness once more. "Yeah?" He questioned giving the other a slightly odd look. "What's wrong?"

"Matt, I was thinking about everything and how it all turned out for us." He sighed unsure of exactly how this was going to sound. "I understand how you feel about me, I know that you don't think I do but I do." He watched a confused look give way to slight annoyance. "Just hear me out, I know you left trying to get away from me because of how you feel. I know that and what if I felt the same way and maybe want to give us a go?" He whispered softly.

"You just said that you weren't gay Mello. Don't make fun of me this is exactly what I was just saying. Don't use my emotions against me." He pulled his goggles over his head to expose his eyes. "You don't feel the same way Mello, I know I've watched you for years."

The blond shook his head, "Matt, I don't think that's true it's just my religion…" He sighed. "I'm being serious right now Matt, I'm actually giving you an opening. Are you turning me down after telling me before that the position will always be open for me?"

The man ran his fingers through his hair exposing one of the green eyes that usually hide form the world. "Are you being serious Mell?" He whispered as the blond nodded slowly slight color rising to his cheeks showing the red head that he was blushing. The blond was actually serious about this. There was no way that the blond was actually giving him a chance.

"Are you turning me down Matt?" He asked quietly attempting to hide his face under his fringe but it didn't work nearly as well as Matt's did.

The others eye widened, "No. Hell no , not if you're being serious." His cheek twitched slightly before he cracked a grin. "You don't have to force yourself."

"Matt."

"I mean if you really feel uncomfortable and your religion is such a problem…" He whispered feeling himself exhale.

"Matt."

"Yeah?"

"Shut the hell up."


	20. Blissful

Authors note: Look I actually updated for the first time in...I don't remember. Anyway you know the drill read, review and enjoy.

Blissful

Mello sat quietly keeping his gaze down in his menu in the hopes that the red head wouldn't notice that he was avoiding him. Matt had…held his hand. He had just started this whole relationship thing and the red head decided that he should hold his hand…in public where people could see them. The idea almost made him twitch, he would have but he knew that the red head was staring at him intently from the other side of the table, unblinkingly. He wouldn't say anything about it. During this time he didn't even have it in himself to pull his hand back from Matt. He had to show the other that this wasn't just for show, that he was actually being serious about this. He was being serious right?

"Matt, you talk about me staring at people what about when you do it?" He questioned finally looking up but still not meeting the intense green gaze that watched him intensely from the opposing side of the table. The red head hadn't spoken since he told him to shut up, but that wasn't unusual. Matt didn't usually talk a lot in public. He somewhat wondered if the other felt him when he stiffened as he grasped his hand. He felt bad for what he had done but he doubted that the other felt it. "Matt, seriously stop staring at me before I do something about it."

"Okay." Was the gentle reply from across the table. The softness of the voice was enough to get him to look up and into green eyes that were uncovered for once. Matt was balancing his head on his hand allowing red hair to run sideways giving a rare glimpse to both his glittering green eyes. Mello almost gasped but instead he watched a slow but sure smile spread over the others lips. Matt wasn't even smirking, he was actually smiling at him and it looked cute. God, what was wrong with him? "Finally decided to look at me princess?"

Blue eyes narrowed, "Don't call me princess." He began watching the other continue to smile before sighing. "So how does this whole gay thing work seeing as you've been gay for quite a few years? You know I just started like ten minutes ago." He felt awkward talking about it but he knew that if he kept quiet that the other wouldn't think he was serious. At least now Matt would consider moving back in whenever what he was doing was over. He paused, did he really want Matt to move back in now? What exactly does living together as a couple encompass. He almost shivered but he knew the other would stop smiling. He didn't want that to happen yet, he hadn't seen him happy like this in a long time.

He shrugged, "Sorry. It's just the first thing that comes to mind when you look at you." His smile lessened slightly as he continued to look at the other. Mello was his boyfriend though he wouldn't say that outside, it would only set the other off to hear it out loud. "As for being gay, I don't know any more than you do. I've never dated anyone before; I mean I've fancied you for years. I couldn't just bring myself to run off with some other guys but there were a few that I actually considered." Mello's eyes narrowed. "I'm joking. You're already getting jealous."

Mello looked away from the other, "That's not true in the least." He replied seriously folding his arms over his chest just as the waitress approached the table for their orders. "I'll have water and a fruit salad." He mumbled as she smiled and nodded looking over at Matt before tossing her hair over her shoulder.

"And your order sir?" She whispered in an attempt to get Matt's attention. "Would you like anything sweet?"

He nodded, "Sweet tea would be good and how about the cheeseburger." He folded his menu closed and slid it towards her. She took care to touch his hand as she picked it up from him. Matt just looked a bit surprised before slowly pulling his hand back.

She nodded in their direction, "If there's anything at all that you need feel free to call me." She smirked slightly before turning and heading down the hallway towards the kitchens.

Mello leaned back in his chair rocking slightly to edge off the annoyance. "Excuse me sir but do women usually flirt with you like that?" He could tell instantly that Matt didn't know what he was talking about. "The waitress has a thing for you. How did you not feel it? She was practically throwing herself at you so that you would notice her a bit more."

He shrugged, "I wasn't paying attention. I mean she's just a girl."

"You're her type." He answered seriously shaking his head. He had seen enough of this in all the clubs that he visited with the mafia. Women threw themselves at the one they found the most appealing but Matt wasn't a part of the mafia. He had power but no one really knew about it. He had to be one of the best hackers in the world, if not the best. He was handsome in some ways, okay a lot of ways. His had beautiful green eyes and an even more beautiful smile. He had his own style that didn't change no matter how old they got. When Mello changed Matt soothingly stayed the same.

Matt looked up from something in his lap, "You're my type." Mello turned away before the blush could bloom across his face. "Look Mell you don't have to worry about women because I don't like them and you don't have to worry about men because they're not you." He grinned as he watched the blond nod slowly. "We can take things as slowly as you want to. I don't mind, I've waited about fifteen years so I think I can wait until you get used to me in this way."

He nodded barely noticing when the waitress returned to place their drinks in front of them. She also slid his salad in front of him with nothing but fat free dressing. Was this bitch calling him fat?

She turned her back to him. "I'm so sorry but your sandwich will be a few more minutes. I'll bring it to you as soon as it's done." Matt just nodded slowly continuing to stare at his lap. "What cha doing?"

He lifted the PSP. "Being awesome."

Mello stabbed the dry salad, "Don't you have a job to do that's not over here?" He hissed and she gave him an unsavory look before walking away. "Can you 'be awesome' some other time?" He bit into his salad.

Matt shook his head, "Sorry it's an all the time thing." He flashed a smile. "You really shouldn't be mean to waitress when she's the one serving us. I'm going to be pissed if she spits in my food because you're a bit testy." He fell silent playing through several levels of his game quietly but Mello didn't have an answer. He was right. That woman didn't know that they were dating and it shouldn't even bother him because Matt wasn't paying any attention. Dating was difficult and it had only been like an hour. "Anyway I left a lot of my monitors in my old bedroom. Much appreciated if you kept the door locked so people don't steal them?"

Blue eyes glanced up, "Old?"

He nodded, "I have a new bedroom therefore my past one would be old. I would think you would have understood that. But seriously don't forget to lock the door on your way out and make sure you're not arguing with Miss Emily. She's only mean when you're mean to her and usually she's not even trying to be mean to you."

"I can take care of myself Matt and Emily is an old unmarried bat." He reached across snatching the game out of Matt's hands listening with satisfaction when his character died. "Trust me when I say she's bitter."

Matt frowned, "Her fiancé died in the war Mello. The least you can do is show some respect." He shook his head just as the waitress returned with his burger. He smiled and she nodded heading off again.

Mello continued to stab his salad without speaking. This wasn't how Matt had envisioned the two of them being together but he still wouldn't complain. A little of something was better than a whole lot of nothing. He had dealt with years of nothing and he wasn't trying to mess something up just because Mello is being temperamental.

Mello assumed that the best way to assert dominance in the relationship is some form was to pay for their meal. So that's what he did he placed the money on the table to keep from throwing it at the waitress. He really wanted to hit her with something even now she was subtlety attempting to distract Matt from his self-proclaimed awesomeness which was exactly why Mello had given him his game back so he wouldn't notice.

"Matt let's go." He stood and Matt instantly turned the game off and did the same. "Well that's obedient." He mumbled strolling out the doors. He didn't make it fast enough for the waitress to call, 'come back sometime soon.' He mumbled something under his breath about her but Matt just waved and followed Mello out the door.

The car ride back to his motorcycle didn't change his mood either but the look on Matt's face when they arrived back at the park did. "You have to go?" Matt asked softly with a frown.

He nodded, "I've already disappeared from where I'm supposed to be. If I stay out any longer they'll either say I'm dead or send someone looking for me." He slid out of the car. "Don't worry, I'll try to call you tonight. Stay out of trouble, I don't want to have to save your ass."

Matt nodded, "I'll try but when you're this awesome it's kind of difficult." He flashed a smile as Mello straddled his bike. "Bye Mell." The other put his helmet on and held up a hand as a goodbye before revving and speeding down the street. "Right." He put his own car in reverse and pulled out heading back to his own headquarters.


	21. Where the light shines

Authors note: Oh lookie, I actually updated. Finals are coming, I'll see what I can do. Read, Review and enjoy!

Where the light shines

Mello rolled the cross around between his fingers as he stared at the instant messenger. Matt had sent him a message nearly ten minutes ago and for the life of him he couldn't think of an adequate answer. He could always log out and pretend that he didn't see it and promptly ignore all of Matt's texts and calls but the more he thought about it the more he knew that wouldn't happen. He just had to think of an answer to, 'hey sexi.' So far no dice.

Faintly behind him he could hear the sounds of soldiers whispering. They were probably taking about him. Everyone was always talking about him. As long as they kept their distance he would probably not say anything. He had bigger things to think about right now.

_Come on Mello. It's just Matt. Even though you're technically dating him that doesn't mean that your relationship with him should change. That being said he's never said hey sexy to me in my life. How did he think that I was going to react to that? Just because you're dating him doesn't mean that you're actually dating him. Wait, that didn't make sense. I mean, it was just to keep him right? _

His fingers curled as he ran them through his hair. Now it had been twenty minutes and he hadn't answered. Why did he feel like he had a time limit?

**MarioMatt:** Hey sexi

**MarioMatt:** Hello? I know you're there Mell.

He sighed. His fingers posed over the keys. He could always just not answer but that would be backing down. He had to show the other that he was serious even if he's not. Right?

**Mellox3: **Yeah, I'm here. What do you want?

**MarioMatt: **So saying hello to my boyfriend is a crime now. I thought you were serious.

Mello flinched inwardly. Sometimes he forgot who Matt was. Mail Jeevas, third at Wammy house without even trying. He never studied, he never tried and he just didn't care. He was a genius. He was just like Mello and so he couldn't just treat him like he was an idiot no matter how easy it would be to do so.

**Mellox3: **I am. The point is that I'm at work and I don't have time to be answering your messages.

**MarioMatt: **O rly? You were the one that logged in princess. All I did was say hi.

Mello sighed clenching his fist out of sheer annoyance. Matt, he was one intelligent son-of-a-bitch, but at the same time he could pretend to be some idiotic gamer.

**Mellox3: **I have a job for you.

**MarioMatt: **Cool. How much we taking?

**Mellox3: **I thought we were friends?

**MarioMatt: **We are but money is money. You'll have to pay me one way or another. What do you need me to do?

**Mellox3: **I need you to come by the apartment tomorrow at around eight. Can you do that? Messenger is the last place I should be talking on.

**MarioMatt: **Okay. I think I can do that. Somehow I don't think you have a job for me though. If you just want me to come over I can do that. You don't have to lie. I can see straight through you without even being there.

**Mellox3: **I'll see you tomorrow Matt.

**MarioMatt: **kk. Night beautiful.

**Mellox3: **Yeah, night.

Matt would have knocked. He would have totally knocked if he wasn't the person paying the rent for this apartment. Even without him living there Mello shouldn't feel as if he had privacy. Besides, all his computers are still here. He tried his key and the door unlocked itself. At least Mello didn't get snide and change that locks. With a push the door was open and as usual of when Mello was home all the doors were shut.

He closed the door behind himself taking care to lock it back and slide the dead lock into place. The apartment didn't seem any different as he walked through probably because Mello hadn't been home enough to be able to redecorate the way that he wanted to.

"Mell?" He called softly heading towards the living room. He smiled. Mello was laid across the couch with one of his arms tossed over his head. From the looks of it he was actually sleeping and had been for some time. Mello never slept in front of people, this was actually the first time Matt had seen him actually sleep since their days back at Wammy house.

He walked around the couch bending down beside the other. Gently he moved his arm until he could see the other clearly. Mello was beautiful awake but angelic asleep. He wasn't worried about posturing and being dominate. He was just sleeping. He leaned further until his hair brushed the blonds face.

Slowly Mello's eyes opened. The unfocused blue gaze locked on the green one above him. Gently he leaned his arms up wrapping them around Matt's head and pulled down. Matt went willingly nearly jumping when he felt his lips connect to the blonds. Mello was kissing him in his sleep. Mello's fingers caressed his hair lightly as his lips worked giving light kisses to Matt's lips before fully kissing him.

Matt braced himself on the back of the couch unsure if he should pull back from the blond before he fully realized what was going on. Suddenly the blue eyes focused in mid-kiss and the innocent sleeping look turned vehement. He glared jerking back and dotting Matt clear in the face not once but twice.

"What the fucking fuck Matt?" He hissed rolling to sit up. He looked like he was contemplating going after the red head again. "What the hell were you doing?"

Matt shook his head, "you mean what you were doing." He replied holding his face where Mello had managed to hit him. "You kissed me, you grabbed and kissed me. I was just trying to wake you up." That wasn't a complete lie. "You didn't have to hit me you know."

Mello looked as if he had settled some. "I didn't know who you were." He replied seriously before he stood heading towards the kitchen. Matt decided it wasn't best to follow.

"Bullshit. You knew it was me." The tingling of his face sucked but he had actually got to kiss Mello. Given, it was a half conscious Mello but that was fine with him.

The blond had his back turned to him. "Maybe. Maybe I just like hitting you."

The red head sighed, "That's real fucked up man."

The blond shrugged unforgiving. "I'm not apologizing for laying your ass out when you kiss me when I'm sleep."

Matt moved to his feet. Mello was avoiding him. He wasn't even doing anything in the kitchen, he just didn't want to sit in front of the red head and lie. He strolled the distance before sitting at the kitchen table. "You kissed me."

"Like hell."

He shrugged, "Don't get mad at me because you're a sleeping pervert."

If looks could kill Matt would have been dead ages ago. "Say it again." The deadly calm had dripped into his voice forcing Matt's head up. He couldn't make out the others face but he could tell he was on a power trip to reassert dominance.

He backed down immediately. Mello could get a bit crazy. "Okay, you win. I kissed you while you were sleeping. Sorry, I just couldn't help it."

Mello shifted until he was standing in the light in the doorway. "That's not what I told you to do. Say it again."

Matt frowned, "I don't know what you're talking about." Before he could start another sentence Mello had crossed the space and grabbed him by the shirt. "Mell, chill out. I took responsibility."

Mello leaned into his face before screaming, "Say it again."

Matt winced, "that you're a sleeping pervert.?"

Mello cupped the others face before leaning forward and pecking him on the lips. "So now I'm always a pervert, right? It's just not when I'm sleep." He watched the blush run over the others face before he looked down. "So come watch a movie with this pervert, okay?"

"Okay."


	22. And you are

Authors note: So here's the next chapter. Someone is back out of popular demand. So please, read review and enjoy. Also still finals week, I'll see what I can do.

And you are?

Mello rolled over throwing his arm out to make himself more comfortable until he felt something fuzzy. He jerked his hand flying out to grab his gun that sat on the bedside table before pausing. Red hair stuck up from under the cocoon of blankets beside Mello. He sighed heavily, Matt had no idea how close he had just came to being dead. He was almost ashamed of himself for forgetting that Matt was sleeping in the room with him. No, he felt bad about what happened last night. That's why he let Matt sleep in the room with him.

**Last Night **

"So this Mario game is coming out and truthfully I'm going to play it but…" Matt's voice tapered off as he looked at the blond standing in the kitchen drinking tea. "You have no idea what I'm talking about right?" He asked softly as Mello shrugged. The important part was that he was listening. He had been here for three days but he just couldn't bring himself to leave just yet. Mello wasn't working for once and it felt nice to be back in good standing with the other.

Mello strolled back and took a seat in the chair across from the red head. "That's never stopped you before. If anything it makes you talk more." He replied lightly juggling his tea, Matt's tea and a chocolate bar all at once. He managed to get the tea in front of Matt and sit down with his prizes in hand. "Let's talk about something more important though. When are you going to move back in?" He asked softly staring down into his tea.

Matt frowned, "I told you I had a job to do. I wasn't moving out permanently, or at least it wasn't mean to be that way." He shook his head slowly pulling his goggles down over his eyes. "I'll move back in when the time is right. It's not right now, I don't think you would be comfortable here with me right now."

The blond glanced up for a second. Matt could watch the cogs moving in that brilliant mind. If Mello was playing a game of suburbia to get him to move back in it wasn't going to work. The other was feigning their whole relationship. He knew that much. Maybe inwardly Mello was gay and he was okay with it but outwardly he pretended that he wasn't. All of this dealt with getting him back. The kissing, small dates and even movie watching was all an attempt to get him back. In a way it was soothing that Mello wanted him back that badly but he wouldn't let the other take advantage of him again.

The blond just shrugged. "Fine, it's your choice." He replied standing up and heading towards his bedroom. He paused, "Are you spending the night again?"

Matt shrugged, "It's a bit late to try and go back." He replied disappearing into the kitchen.

"Well in that case I'll see you in the morning." Mello nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the crash from the kitchen. "Matt!" He hissed running around the corner and gasping. Matt was leaning against the counter holding his head from where it was bleeding. "What the hell Matt? What happened? You can't even walk into the damn kitchen without getting hurt. Let me see."

Matt moved his hand blood dripping down the side of his face. He didn't look in pain, actually he looked a bit odd for someone who just was hit in the head. He didn't speak even as Mello fiddled around for an ice pack.

"I keep telling you that if you pack the damn cans on top of each other they'll fall over." He spotted the peas discarded on the floor. He shook his head pressing the pack to Matt's head. "How do you feel?" He asked worried to get a good look at it. Especially if it was bad they might actually have to do the stiches here. Mello could do it but it wasn't something that he was looking forward to.

The red head blinked several times before shrugging. He managed to make it to the table and sit down without Mello's assistance but he stumbled quite a bit.

Mello followed shaking his head. "Matty, say something."

He looked up, his eyes glittering green and whispered, "Can I sleep with you tonight."

**The next morning **

He couldn't exactly say no to that face but he wasn't used to feeling anyone sleeping next to him. It was weird when they lived in Wammy house and after staying up half the night playing some game Matt would crawl into bed next to him because he didn't want to climb to the top bunk. They were now adults and he still could rarely say no to the red head.

He said dropped back down into the pillow allowing it to fluff up around him. "Matt." He said aloud wondering if something so quiet would wake him up. He glanced over nearly falling out of the bed when he saw the red head staring at him. "What the hell?" He hissed panting. This is why he didn't like being in bed with others.

The other sat up running his fingers though his hair to pull it back. "I could ask you the same thing angel. So did we fuck last night or what?" The cockiness of his voice made Mello's jaw drop. The other smirked, "I'll take that as a yes. Shit, to think I can't remember your face while you came."

Mello's fist clenched, "What the hell? We didn't do anything of the sorts. Don't be stupid. Never in your life will you be that lucky." He hissed coldly before instantly regretting his words. He had to show Matt that this was real. "I mean, we didn't do anything."

Matt's eyebrow arched, "Goodie. Then I'll be happy to pluck that cherry right now." He leaned forward cupping Mello's face. "How about it sexy? I'll be a gentleman I promise."

Mello leaned out of the others grasp, it was so hard to not try and kill him. Something about this was wrong. Something about Matt was wrong. He glanced over to find the other still looking at him lustfully. He twitched before using his foot to kick the other hard enough to knock him off the bed.

"Tell me who the hell you are." Mello hissed leaning over the side of the bed to see where the red head had gone with the blankets in tow.

He smirked back, "You don't remember blondie? We've met before." He licked his lips. "To tell you the truth the more violent you get the more turned on I get. I wanna tame you babe. Put that mouth to a better use." He winked and Mello backpedaled across the bed. Seconds later Matt's red head peeked above the side of the bed. "If you can't remember, I'll be happy to remind you."

Mello shivered, "No thanks." He bounced off the bed to keep a good distance from the other. "I'll ask you again, who are you?"

The other sniggered standing up completely. "What are you talking about sweet cheeks? I'm Matt."


	23. Sweet nothings

Authors note: Well I'm procrastinating and I have good news! I just finished my first book! I'm excited, annnddd you're probably not. That's cool too. Anyway, finals, I'll see what I can do. Read, review and enjoy.

Sweet nothings

Matt laid curled into a tight ball on the sofa holding his head. He didn't know what the hell was wrong with Mello but that dude had some serious issues. All he did was ask a question and he flipped shit. Not only did he kick him out of his room but he kept hitting him in the process. If he had it his way he would have never come back to such an abusive asshat, but it would be a beautiful woman that was dressed in a skimpy bikini and willing to strip at the sound of his word.

He giggled quietly to himself at the thought. That was well before he heard the sound of Mello's door opening and the blond sauntering down the hallway mumbling to himself. He didn't even bother to get up. Why should he? Mello wasn't going to do anything but freak out on him again and that was the last thing that he was looking forward to.

"Hey, get up." Mello's voice was rough but even though the other was only violent to him it sent a shock wave to his groin. He shivered slightly peeking out of his ball. The other man looked tired, more tired that he had seen. There were dark lined under those piercing blue eyes, at least the part that you could see. His mouth was pulled into a taunt pucker as if he was restraining himself from saying anything hurtful. Matt unfurled himself keeping his head low just in case another blow came his way. "Why the hell are you back here?"

Matt blinked before shrugging. "I don't know." He replied seriously. "I mean I was hoping that maybe you would be so happy about my joyous return that you'd strip down and go ahead and bend over for me." He smiled thinking about it. "Instead you get violent because I said that I hoped that I had fucked you. Do you know what it's like to corrupt someone Mello?"

The other looked disgusted, "No, and you don't either. Stop talking about sex."

Matt wagged a finger at the blond, "Those are the words of someone who has never gotten laid. Trust me, once you fuck and suck you won't want to talk about anything else." He grinned noticing that the others face was stuck in a perpetual stare at him. "Would you like to try it? I mean I can show you a good time."

The blank stare turned from serene to angry, "It'll be a cold day in hell before I even remotely think about letting you touch me you sick fuck." He continued past the couch and into the kitchen mumbling to himself again.

He stared at him, well no, properly he stared at Mello's ass as he walked into the kitchen. "Did you watch the news this morning? Hell froze over last night, it's a spectacular miracle, so much so even pigs started flying. Let's fuck."

A can of peas came flying over the counter from inside the kitchen almost knocking Matt in the head if he didn't move. "Not on your life." Mello hissed.

He couldn't help himself. "How about yours?"

Mello released an exasperated cry. "Just shut the hell up, okay? I'm not going to have sex with you. I've never thought about having sex with you and I never will have sex with you."

The sound of the fridge opening came from the kitchen then the sound of Mello's heavy boots moving around. Matt sat back crossing his legs in a businesslike manner. "I completely understand. Hey, Mello did you know you talk in your sleep?" He asked aloud.

The feet stopped before staring once more. "No, why?"

Matt grinned, "Stop me if any of this sounds familiar." He said to the other. "Ah, Matty please. Don't stop Matt, it feels so good." He began watching the kitchen for any movement. If Mello was moving around he couldn't hear him. "Fuck, God yes. Matty….Matty….hmmhm…" Just reciting it was making Matt's blood boil. "Scream for me Matty. That's it, just like that."

In the kitchen something shattered as Matt watched the blond rear around the corner. "Shut up you lying fuck."

Matt held his hands up, "I'm as serious as it gets. I ended up waking up last night. I was totally going to fuck with you until I realized you were already taken, or in that case taking somebody. You know the name Matty could be used for a girl but I doubt it was last night." He grinned watching the others eyes narrow.

"Shut up." Mello's hand was clenched around a shard of glass. The blood dripped down in a line that branched off into several others. "Shut up. Shut up. Shut the fuck up."

Matt watched the other before his eyes traveled up to the others livid face. "You had your hands balls in the blankets and your body arched with your words. It was quite beautiful, I'm jealous I'm not the Matty from your dream. It was good, you said so yourself."

Mello threw down the shard blood flying all over the carpet. "Stop it. You're lying." His bloody hand flew up and grasped the rosary handing loosely around his neck. He recited something that couldn't be discerned before heading past Matt on the couch and out the front door.

Matt sighed, "Why don't you just admit that you're gay Mello." He held his nose. This had been the ultimate test for if their relationship was real or not. It wasn't real. Mello wasn't being truthful with himself and until he fully was he didn't belong here.

* * *

><p>Mello came back nearly eight hours later. He stormed through the front door with enough forcefulness to knock Matt off the couch and have him scrambling towards the cabinet that Mello kept an extra gun in. He always had that fear that someone would find out Mello lived here and come for him but Matt was the only person home to defend the fort. But it wasn't one of the men Mello had screwed over if the mafia it was the gun wielding, sugar highed blond. He sighed falling on his face in relief.<p>

"Mello, what the fuck? Did you just kick the door down or something?" He asked forgetting his façade from this morning. He watched the blond take in the room before locking on him.

He shook his head, "Nope. I just opened it." He replied taking another bite from the chocolate bar in his hand. Matt knew this mood. This was a Mello that had pushed himself too far from the edge and tried to substitute the feeling of confusion with chocolate. Mello was on a serious sugar high, he could see it in his eyes. "Matty, I went out and thought about everything."

He nodded sitting up but staying on the floor. When he was like this there was only two ways that he could go. Angry or Happy and he didn't look particularly close to either one of those yet. "How'd that go?"

He grinned, "Brilliantly." He replied triumphantly. "I thought long and hard about everything and I've figured out what's happening here." Matt nodded again. "You, Mail Jeevas, are projecting your homosexuality upon me. I grew up with you and therefore I am more susceptible to your feelings that I have previously realized. Being that as it may, I am not gay because it's just your gay feelings that are making me feel and do the things that I do." As he spoke he held the rosary.

Matt blinked. He wasn't thinking clearly at all. "Mello that doesn't make sense."

"Does." He replied sitting down the on the couch.

Matt shook his head again. "It really doesn't make sense Mello. There are plenty of straight- gay friendships so it shouldn't make you gay unless you are." He looked down at his hands. "I've made a mistake coming here. I'm sorry I put you in this state Mell."

The blond blinked, "State?"

Matt stood up shuffling across the floor. He leaned down pecking the blond on the lips lightly. He lingered there for a second unable to pull away as Mello's arms came up and wrapped around him. It was just like when the blond was sleeping. Seconds passed and the kiss deepened becoming an heavy entrance of tongues and unspoken words. When Matt finally pulled back he looked a lot more surprised than Mello actually did.

"The hell?" Was all he managed before the other kissed him again. Mello twined his fingers in the others hair pulling until he had the red head straddling him.

Matt pulled back looking at the glazed over look in the blonds eyes just like he was sleeping. "No, I'm Mello." He whispered moving to kiss the other again.

The red head pulled back, "Mello, you don't mean to do this." He watched the other blink several times as if assessing the situation.

Then Mello cupped the others face, "Let me have this Matt. Even if it's only once, just let me have this." He gingerly pulled the other back down to his lips, his hands tracing patterns on the striped shirt that Matt wore. A finger dipped under Matt's waistband and his breath caught. "Please, just let me have this."


	24. Pushed too far

Authors note: I apologize for all the confusion in the last chapter. It was meant to be offish in the way that it was written. None the less it was written in my studying sleep deprived state, it sucks. Anyway this chapter will explain the other a whole lot better...I hope. I'm still sleep deprived and I have an exam and 8 am. Yay philosophy! Anyway, still exam week. I'll see what I can do. A special thanks to 494dwangel and harlequindreaming for reviewing the last chapter. Sorry for the confusion guys! 494dwangel, good luck on your book. I look forward to reading it one day! Planning is always the hardest part, once that's done the ideas flow. Anyway, you know the drill. Read, review and enjoy.

Pushed too far

Matt felt terrible, if it hadn't been for his lie Mello wouldn't be in this boat. He was positive that he had pushed the blond too far this time. Mello had always been strange, erratic and in some cases overly sexual but it had never been directed towards Matt and so he had always watched from afar. Ever since Mello had come home yesterday sprouting off about indirect gayness and putting Matt at the blunt of the blame he couldn't help but feel bad.

Currently the blond was sitting in the living room going on about their childhood. It wasn't overly strange that he would be bringing up the past, it was something that the two shared together but his point was to strictly put emphasis on their past relationship. It was platonic on Mello's behalf but on his own he had been head over hills in love with Mello from nearly day one.

He came from the kitchen and handed the blond another chocolate bar that he took happily. Matt watched as Mello examined it and ripped the wrapper off and began to suckle on the chocolate. "Don't you agree Matty?" Mello asked watching the red head with extreme interest. If this continued on for too much longer Matt was starting to feel the need to take Mello back to Wammy house for a check-up.

Matt nodded in response not fully sure of what he was agreeing on but assuming it was better than to get the blond riled up. "Mello, are you positive that you're not having a mental breakdown. I'm not saying that you are but think about it. This isn't you. Nothing about this situation or the way that you're acting is making sense." He flashed a smile hoping that his words would get through this time. Still the slightly dazed look on the blonds face remained.

He shook his head, "Matt I'm not having a breakdown." He began for what had to be the millionth time. "What makes you think that I'm having a breakdown."

Matt frowned, "Mello you sat here with me for an hour denying that you were gay and then you turned around and made out with me. I'm positive that something is going on here." He reached forward realizing that he still wasn't getting through to the other. Mello had lost it completely and it was his fault. He put Mello in a position that he both accepted his own homosexuality and dated Matt or his gave up his God. He realized now that it wasn't the right decision and Mello had set himself up for failure. Now all he wanted was regular slightly erratic Mello back.

Mello didn't respond instead taking the time to sit and toy with the chocolate bar. "Why don't we go out or something?" He offered in his slow voice. He almost sounded drugged and knowing the life that Mello led it was very possible. No, Mello's body was his temple but still someone could have slipped him something and he was just on a really long ass trip. Matt could only hope.

He nodded, "Okay, we'll go out but when we get back we have to fuck." He worked not to wince at his own words. "Seeing as you're so into it I'm sure you wouldn't mind taking that final plunge with me?" Matt offered wanting to believe that he saw something flicker in the other's eyes. He reached down beginning to pull the rosary from around the others neck, "This won't be needed anymore."

Mello's hand flew out grasping the cross before it could get too far away from him. "And just what the hell do you think that you're doing?" Mello's voice had dropped from its slow leisured pace into his usual mafia glower. "Drop it."

Matt did as he was told grinning like an idiot. Mello wouldn't be so fun if he just complied with everything. "Welcome back princess. I was positive that I had broken you for a while."

Mello shrugged lightly putting the rosary back around his neck. He glanced up at the red head, "Now where was I?" He offered as Matt's eyebrow rose. The shock to Matt's face was almost as surprising as the smile that registered on Mello's face. Matt flew backwards, stars flashing in his vision as he groped to find something he could hold onto. Faintly he could make out the blond hopping over the couch and baring down on him with the darkest look he had ever seen on the others face. "Just who the hell do you think you are? I'm the only one around here allowed to mindfuck people you jackass."

The red head held his face where the hit had connected. "I learned from the best." He barely managed hearing the click of the gun to the right side of his temple. Mello was on one of his power kicks again.

His eyes were cold but there was a slight upturn at his mouth as if he wanted to smile. "Be that as it may don't fuck with me anymore. I said that I would be your boyfriend. I'm aware of everything that comes with being in a motherfucking relationship so I don't need you pretending to be your fucked up other half to get me to rush into shit. I got this." He kicked the other in the side the gun disappearing. "So shut the fuck up and let me do it okay?"

Matt nodded watching his longest oldest friend reach his hand out to help him up. He took the hand gingerly waiting for another hit to come. When it didn't he allowed the blond to pull him to his feet. "I'm sorry for fucking you up Mello."

He shrugged, "You did to me mentally what I've done to you physically and mentally. I'm pretty sure that says that we're even." He crossed his arm. "Just one question, do I really talk in my sleep?"

The red head chuckled but it hurt so bad he stopped. "Yeah, but it's not about sex. You talk about chocolate." He gave the other a lopsided smile. "You were going on about me going to the shop to get you better chocolate. It was actually pretty cute." Matt glanced up at the blond who quickly turned. If he didn't know better the other had blushed. Maybe he didn't have to rush Mello because the other was doing just fine on his own.


	25. Hack slash dot

Authors note: And so I've reached over 100 reviews! Thank you so much everyone. A super special thanks to Skylin19 for reviewing every chapter! More thanks to Awesomenessknowsnobounds, mysteryssister, and harlequindreaming for also reviewing. So here is the latest installment. I feel like updating something else...we'll see. Also, schools out. I maintained my GPA of 3.6 and I have so much time on my hands until the end of summer. Yay?

Hack slash dot

The knock came to Matt's door at three in the morning. The red head turned over, he had just left Mello's place not even three hours prior and he was trying to get some damn sleep. The blond had been on his way out the door and offered to let him stay while he was away at work but that would be way weird because he didn't really live there anymore. Instead, he decided to go home and sleep but that damn pounding wasn't going away.

He sat up, rubbing his eyes as he trekked from his bedroom, past the living area riddled with computers running scripts to the door. He jerked it open looking like the dead had risen from the earth as he stared into the face of completely awake looking Raito. He blinked leaning against the doorframe as he watched the man. Raito actually looked as if he were surprised that he was sleeping. Who the hell looks surprised that someone was sleeping at three in the morning?

"Yeah?" He managed trying not to allow the annoyance to slip into his voice. It didn't work nearly as well as he would have liked. He was starting to sound like Mello, the blond was always struggling to keep his voice leveled when he spoke.

Raito stood watching the man with light golden eyes and a smile gracing his lip. "We have something that we'd like you to take a look at." Matt nodded shutting the door quietly. Raito began down the hallway trusting the other to follow him without looking.

Matt wasn't going to lie, he was irritated. He didn't expect to be woken up and he had just come back. He shook his head slightly following the other man down the stairs and into the meeting room. In the corner several computers ran what Matt knew was script. He assumed that the computers were freaking out and they didn't understand why. To normal people script was like the blue screen of death but to Matt it was just a number problem for him to solve.

"What's the problem?" He asked his eyes following all the numbers up the screen as the other people that worked with Raito stared in confusion. He had never met these men before but he instantly knew that he was found suspicious. He kept his eyes low but on the screen as Raito gestured towards the large computer screen. This didn't look like the control room of a normal task force; Matt inwardly wondered where they had managed to make that kind of cash. At least someone was funding them for sure.

Raito stared at him like he was slow. "The computer, I'm sure the great MarioMatt can fix what's going on."

Matt blinked before looking at the other, "Well, it actually looks like you're being hacked." He shrugged slightly. He was completely laid back because his computers upstairs running the same kind of code were on a completely different server. His stuff wasn't being hacked so he had no reason to freak out. Clearly the group here did.

Instantly a tall man turned and yelled, "What the fucking fuck man fix it! Stop it!" He turned towards the computer beginning to redundantly push buttons.

Matt waved him off dropping into the chair that the man vacated moments prior. He watched the numbers scroll as whoever it was diligently worked their way into the system. To be truthful Matt was probably overdue in writing a new code to protect these computers but everything had been falling behind his relationship with Mello. He should be focusing on his job and not Mello. Mello wouldn't hesitate to put his job before Matt so why did he feel like he always needed to be there for the blond?

He leaned forward his fingers prone over the keys. Time to go to war. Minutes passed as he combated the mysterious stranger that worked nearly as fast as he did but there was something about the way that this person worked that felt familiar. He code continued as he pushed the hacker out of the doors that he had already found. Minutes turned into hours. Whoever this person was they were relentless. It seemed like the minute he got them out of one door they were through another attempting to steal even more information. He couldn't tell yet just how much information had been compromised. It was outdated though. Outdated but genius.

"Why are you taking so long?" Someone called behind him.

Stupid people could never figure out how much of a delicate process this was. One wrong move and everything could be taken and wiped out in an instant.

Still there was something about this persons hacking method that made him weary.

Hour five of the battle and Matt had managed to drive the person out of the system. He hated to admit how hard that had actually been. It was over now and starting tomorrow when he woke up again he was writing a new code so that this shit wouldn't be happening a second time. Whoever it was that wasn't the first time they had been in this system.

* * *

><p>Matt stifled his knock on the door before his hand fell back to his side. Why did he feel like he needed to knock on his own door now? He sighed as the door opened on its own. Mello stood wearing a towel and a suspicious expression.<p>

"The fuck?" Was all he said as he turned heading back down the hallway towards the bathroom. Matt followed instantly closing and locking the door behind himself.

"Yes please. Look, you're already dressed for it." Matt replied watching the blond pause halfway down the hallway.

He glanced over his shoulder, "Are you saying you want to have sex with me Matt?" He asked softly.

The red head shrugged, "Mello you've never been dense. I've wanted to have sex with you since you were that doughty kid back at Wammy house." He watched the other raise an eyebrow. "Just thought I'd be truthful."

Mello smirked slightly heading back to the bathroom. "Sure you didn't hit your head again?" He called back.

"Positive." He plopped down on the couch waiting for the other to return. When he did he was still half dressed. He wore his leather just like Matt suspected that he would but he hadn't begun to lace them yet. He watched in fascination with the procedure that the blond had to go through to get dressed. There had to be some price to looking hot as hell all the time. "So, do you get off on being a tease?"

Mello glanced up looking slightly confused. "What are you going on about now?"

Matt stared at the other as he continued to lace, "Nothing. So what have you been up to?" The other didn't respond. Mello must have been working if that's the case.

Mello sat back crossing his legs as he watched the other with cool eyes. "I need you to do something for me." He said simply.

Matt was reluctant. Mello liked doing things on his own so why was he suddenly asking for help? "That depends, what is it?"

"I need you to hack something for me."


	26. Backhanded confusion

Authors note: Oh look I updated. You should thank me with a review, or not, I'm a note not the police.

Backhanded confusion

"Why?" Matt knew his voice came out as suspicious and truthfully he was. Unless Mello had sustained some form of serious brain damage recently, he was pretty sure he hadn't, that Mello was capable of hacking anything. Albeit it may be slightly slower than Matt himself could do it but either way in the end Mello shouldn't be sitting in front of him asking for a favor in hacking anything. Mello took the same classes that he did. Mello didn't do as well but he wasn't incompetent. He could figure out anything as long as he put his mind to it, well, almost anything. "Mell, it's not like you to ask me for anything, especially something that you can do yourself."

Mello sat forward on the chair watching him with narrowed eyes. "I wasn't asking, you should know better than that. I was attempting to tell you kindly that I want you to do something." He folded his arms over his chest to signify that it was the end of the conversation, at least the part about Matt having a choice in the matter.

The red head frowned watching him with cool eyes. He took his head to reach up and pull his goggles over his eyes to tint the world in a sunny orange. "Right, and say I were to refuse your startling generous offer and just walk out the door."

A blond eyebrow cocked, "I assure you Matt you won't even make it that far." He smiled viciously. "Or would you like to test that? I'm not one to be trifled with. You should know that by now. I was, of course, the one that knocked sense back into you."

Matt shrugged, "Because it makes me so hot when you hit me Mell. Maybe I should try it just to get you on top of me." He looked thoughtful as a serious look crossed the others face. "Or do you not like the idea of straddling me in the middle of the hallway with a gun to my face while you pistol whip me. I have to admit living with you has turned me into a dirty, dirty masochist." He watched the unsure look cross the blonds face. He shrugged, "I shouldn't lie about it."

"Don't push me Matt." He hissed with deadly calm. Matt could sense his ice box demeanor cracking. Each step he took the blond caved in more. "I'm not playing sadist to your masochism. That's too fucked up."

He grinned, "Oh but you already do. I don't think you could stop if you tried." He watched Mello's eyes set in challenge. He stood grabbing his cigarettes. "And with that I've realized that I've over stayed my welcome. I'm out." He turned feeling the familiar weight of Mello's now gloved hand snatch his wrist and hold it tightly. "You're starting."

Mello's voice was tight, "Just sit down Matt and I won't have to hurt you."

The red head grinned, "Oh but I want you to. Please, do hurt me Mello. If you don't I'll walk out the door." The grip tightened. The second the red head attempted to pull away he was face down on the floor with his arm wrenched painfully behind his back. He released a tight hiss, the pain coursed through his whole body, but Mello held fast. Though Mello stayed at a decent distance much to his dismay. "Mell?"

The blond exhaled loudly. "Mail fucking Jeevas you listen to me."

"Loud and clear." Matt commented. "You're squishing my cigarettes so you probably owe me a new pack by the way." Mello came over using his knee to push down on Matt's back. "Oh look, a massage too? You're so sweet Mell."

The slap came firmly though Mello used his forehand, not his back. "Maybe I can't not hit your ass Matt but you can't keep your fucking mouth closed so it's even." He used his hand to tighten around the red heads neck. "Like I was saying you'll do this job for me and then you can go home."

Matt shrugged shifting slightly. When that didn't move the blond from off his back he fully jerked sideways sending the blond flailing ungracefully sideways. He landed between the couch and Matt as the red head used his few free seconds to toss his smokes to safety. He waited for them to hit the floor before he grabbed Mello around the neck in an attempt to choke him out. The blond was too fast for him already rearing up to strike.

Matt pulled back a hand in an attempt to punch the blond but instead Mello threw himself at Matt. The two went down in a whirlwind of limbs and hair and somehow with the help of Mello's God Matt came out on top. He used his body to pin the blond under him and took the time that Mello was looking shocked to breathe.

"Holy damn I won." He grinned down at Mello who had run his fingers through his hair to get a better look at Matt. "You see this, right? I fucking beat you." He shifted lightly so that he was lying directly on top of the blond face to face. "What do I get for beating you?"

Mello sighed he was clearly still stunned. "A head start." He mumbled looking Matt in the face for the first time in a long time. "Green eyes."

Matt blinked, "Yeah? How do they look?" He asked softly. He'd never been this close to Mello. Even during the time they spent at Wammy house. Mello always had his personal space; Matt did also but not as much as the blond under him.

If Matt wasn't mistaken there was a slight red tint to the already tanned skin. "I wish I could see them more often." He mumbled blinked. "Get up Matt."

"Why?" He questioned softly laying his head beside the blonds. "Are you panicking yet?" He questioned. Mello smelled of a fresh shower and the thought made Matt suppress a shudder.

Mello rolled his eyes, "Hardly." He sighed softly when the first kiss came to his neck. It was followed with several others dancing along his skin as soft as butterfly wings. "Matt…" His voice drifted off during a gasp when the red head bit lightly.

Matt ran his tongue slowly over the faint mark that he had left on the blond. He kept the touches soft as not to alarm the other. Mello's hands danced along Matt's back in feather light touches as if he were afraid to reciprocate the feeling. Matt didn't mind. He was losing himself in the kisses trailing upward until he paused at the blond's lips. He didn't dare attempt eye contact now. Instead he just took his chance. He leaned forward pecking lightly. When the blond didn't respond he pressed his lips against the others lightly.

Every pore in Matt's skin felt as if it were afire, the pure feeling of the blond against him sent pleasure running through him. He'd never imagine that even on the best day that Mello would allow him to kiss him. It shocked him more than he was willing to admit when the blond's fingers tangled in his hair pulling him down into a spine melting kiss. Mello kissed with precision, something that Matt couldn't copy if it killed him but the other didn't seem to mind. Seconds turned into minutes the feeling of Mello's free hand ghosting the hem of his jeans fading into the pure ecstasy of the moment.

A groan escaped Mello's lips as he kissed Matt frantically as if the Devil himself would pull them apart from each other. The heat had Matt panting as he pulled back long enough to breathe but it was clear from Mello's eyes that he wasn't sure if they should continue. He wanted to stop, he should have stopped but he couldn't bring himself. He gasped when Mello flipped him over straddling him. Leather against denim made Matt wished that the other would just strip him. He craved to unwrap Mello like a gift on Christmas.

"Mail." His voice was tight and husky. "Listen to me."

Matt nodded. He was listening, kind of. He was actually more focused on tracing the lines of Mello's leather laces. He looked into the eyes of the blond and suddenly he wanted to see what Mellow as like when he lost control. He was edging there piece by piece, he could tell. The blond was closer to snapping that he had ever been.

Mello opened his mouth when a phone went off across the room. The blond jerked as if awakening from a dream as he tossed Matt off of him. "My phone." He mumbled crawling across the floor as if he didn't trust himself to stand. "Hello?" He laid himself across the floor on his stomach. "What the fuck are you doing calling my motherfucking phone?" The blond glanced over his shoulder, "It's for you."

Matt didn't trust himself to move either. Mello had done better than he could without exposing way more about himself. The blond sighed and slid the phone across the floor where Matt picked it up.

"Yeah?" He still hadn't fully recovered and was a bit pissed off that he was interrupted by this person. He had Mello on the ropes, a chance like that didn't come often.

The voice on the other side of the phone was calm and soft. "Matt, Near apologizes for calling you on Mello's phone. It is urgent that Near sees you."


	27. Visitation

Authors note: So here's the new installment. For everyone who are huge Matt/Mello fans chill. Don't freak out because of this chapter...or something. Read, Review and enjoy.

Visitation

"No." Mello's voice cut through the silent apartment breaking the tension that had set in immediately after he hung the phone up from Near. The blond didn't even know what had happened in the conversation just that he didn't want to have anything to do with it. He still sat on the floor on the other side of the living room staring at him with enough intent that Matt was debating looking away even if it made him look guilty. "What I do want to know is how the fucking hell did Near get my phone number?" He hissed still not moving. Matt could see that he wanted to charge over and possible incapacitate him but he didn't move an inch.

Matt shrugged lightly. "I don't know Mell, maybe he got it from Roger." A blond eyebrow twitched as Matt held his hands open in surrender. "Roger has a large network of intelligence working for him and you do get around. That's how I got your phone number when I found you all those years ago. Yeah, the Internet played a part of it but I had your number the whole time."

"Then why didn't you call?" He questioned pulling his legs around. Matt watched with dismay as he began to retie his laces without looking up. To think he was so close to cracking the blond that if the other wasn't here he'd probably cry. "I wouldn't have turned you down Matt. We're friends even if we hadn't seen each other in forever." He glanced up locking eyes with the red head who frowned back at him. "Okay, maybe I would have thought you were suspicious because you had my phone number but I wouldn't have turned you away."

Goggles came down to hide green eyes once again. He lit a cigarette and took a long heavy drag. "If I would have called you with the number I got from Roger you wouldn't have so much as thought about meeting up with me. I know you Mello. Anyone that works with Roger, works for Near and I don't work for Near." Mello didn't respond. "So I'm not going to tell you that I wasn't scared because I was. I was really scared that you wouldn't meet up with me but there was something scarier than that for me."

Mello stood heading into the kitchen probably to make himself tea or hot chocolate. "So what you thought I was going to shoot you on sight?"

Matt was silent for several minutes. "No." He mumbled. "That wasn't even on my list. I didn't know what you did then but I certainly didn't think you would shoot me. Even if I worked for Near you would have shot…just not fatally." He heard the blond laugh in the kitchen. He wasn't joking and Mello knew it to be the truth. "I was scared about how I was going to feel when I saw you again." His voice had dropped significantly. "It still scares me because I know we won't work."

Mello was still in the kitchen, "Why?" He mumbled clearly not wanting to go there right now. He had only been half paying attention to the conversation. Matt knew that much. Despite the new territory Mello was versatile and could contend with a conversation while he spent the rest of his mind thinking about everything that had just transpired.

He sighed, "Because Mello, sooner or later you're going to flip shit. I know you like the back of my hand. You're not gay and we both know I'm just using this time to exact my own personal fantasies on you." He closed his eyes and took another long drag finishing the cigarette before lighting another. To think Mello had finally gotten the smell of cigarette smoke out of the apartment, which must have been a feat, too bad. "So when you feel like not dealing with it anymore you won't. I'm just waiting for it to happen."

The sound of clinking glass came from the kitchen. "Matt, you know that's not true." He mumbled resentfully but the silence that followed showed that he felt the same. "I don't know how I feel but that's not what we're talking about." He turned the subject back. Matt knew it was coming but as far as he was concerned this was more important than anything Near was going to say. "First you never let me tell you what I want you to hack and secondly Near can fucking wait."

The red head sighed, "You should know better than that. I have to go see Near if he went through so much to contact me." He folded his arms watching the blond who was standing in the walkway back into the living room. His eyes had narrowed, that wasn't what he wanted to hear. That was too bad because he had to go to Near and if he could he would drag Mello with him. Near didn't say specifically for him to come alone so he took it as an invitation for Mello. With a little supervision they were good together. Sometimes, but not usually.

The blond shook his head, "Like hell I come before Near."

He frowned, "And why is that?" He questioned lighting his third cigarette since this conversation began.

Mello looked close to chucking his drink towards the other man but he held his ground instead. "Because Matt, I'm your boyfriend, not Near."

"Only when it's convenient for you." He sighed lightly. The last thing he wanted was to be caught in a fight with Near and Mello. "If you come with me to deal with Near I'll make sure that I do your job before the end of the week." He frowned watching the blond look disbelieving. "But anything you say I have to go see Near. He must really need something."

"So fucking what?" He withheld a scream as he cross the floor so that he was glaring down at Matt in all his unreadable glory. "How many times do I have to tell you that I don't do things that I don't like. If I didn't like you then I wouldn't be dating you."

Matt glanced up completely calm. "You mean benefit you. You don't do things that don't benefit you. Dating me and keeping me happy is because I'll still be on call for you and you don't want me to leave you. It's not because you like me or feel the same way about me."

"You don't know how I feel." Was the simple reply. The blond was clutching his rosary as if it were keeping him from doing something to the other. "Stop assuming that I don't feel for you Matt."

The red head looked bitter, "You do as a friend. We're friends Mello, tell me now how you feel. Tell me the truth."

The blond looked uncomfortable. "Fuck this Matt. If you don't want to see for yourself then how about I take away that title you've been wanting for so long. We're just friends, you're right. I just wanted to make you happy and keep you around. I don't feel the same way but I know how important it is for you…"

Matt snapped, "I don't fucking need your sympathy or your pity Mello. I don't need you touching me and telling me you give a fuck when you don't." He stood. "I'm going to Near, tag along if you like. I don't give a fuck anymore."

The blond stood his ground watching the red head heading towards the door. "You know I won't go there Matt. If I go to Near it'll be to kill him personally or to take the L code from him. Call me whenever you grow the fuck up."

Matt didn't turn back, "Yeah fuck you too Mell." He shut the door quietly behind himself.

~*xXx*~

Mello watched the red head leave; he didn't even slam the door. That pissed him off more than the actual argument. The red head walked out of their apartment, or what used to be their apartment pretending like he didn't care. He cared because Mello cared. He was just too proud to go after the red head. He dropped down onto the couch shaking his head slowly. He had broken up with Matt. He had hurt his feelings.

"Matty, I'm so sorry…"


	28. Near was a friend of mine

Authors note: Oh yay, another chapter. Read, review and enjoy.

Near was a friend of mine

Matt didn't like large places. Larger places meant more people and more people would mean that he would have to interact. He didn't spend all his time in cyberspace because he wanted to meet people face to face. It assumed that they wouldn't expect much out of him. He only believed that because by now everyone here should have seen how strange Near was and if they hadn't at least they would hear rumors. He inwardly begged that this wouldn't be as strenuous as his conversations with Mello but Near and Mello were one in the same. As stubborn as Mello was, Near was just as deadpan and condescending. He dealt with it at Wammy house. He could deal with it here. At least, he hoped that he could.

The damn door didn't open like it was supposed to. Automated doors were automated. That meant that once he got close enough they should have opened on their own. Instead he was stuck on a busy street while people flooded around him looking as him as if he were insane. He smiled awkwardly at a young woman who eyed him wearily from a café at the other side of the street. She didn't return it. He turned quickly putting his head down wishing that he would have somehow gotten the number before running out on Mello. It was clear that the blond and he wouldn't be talking anytime soon.

Minutes passed before the door actually opened on its own. He was greeted by an icy chill of air conditioning but there was no one on the lower level. He stood a firm step in not wanting to show fear at the first opportune moment but the longer he stood here the more he thought that something was going to jump out at him. Something did come, someone actually. A young woman with blond hair appeared from a side room watching him with interested but cold eyes.

"Who are you?" She questioned aloud as the door slid shut behind him. He didn't mean to but he took an involuntary step forward. "Strangers aren't welcome in this business. It's by appointment only."

He smirked, "Swanky business Near's running here in that case." His voice was light but he could tell by the way her shoulders tightened that he was in the right place. "I'm Matt, Near called me about two hours ago and requested that I come in."

She nodded a gun sliding out from nowhere. Somehow it wasn't nearly as frightening as when Mello did it, or as hot. He cursed inwardly. Mello should be the last person he was thinking about at a time like this. He held his hands up in surrender. "Where's the blond?" She questioned stepping forward her gun still raised. Her finger wasn't on the trigger though which was a relief.

He cocked an eyebrow, "Right in front of me." He gestured to her blond hair. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know that she was speaking of Mello. She frowned but didn't respond. "Mello didn't come here with me." He said. She was such a killjoy. "We're not on speaking terms right now."

She nodded lowering the gun as if that changed everything. She gestured with her hand. "Then come along." She turned heading back through the side door where he had watched her appear from. There they stood quietly waiting for an elevator to take them up.

If the hallway was weird standing in a closed space with her was worse. Matt's claustrophobia kicked in after only a few seconds and he couldn't figure out why. He busied himself with his hands in his pocket hoping she wouldn't try to break the tension by talking. He wasn't lucky enough. They still had fifteen more floors to go.

"Why didn't Mello come with you?" She questioned aloud and he instantly felt the prickling of annoyance in his ears. He pushed it down and shrugged. "Near said that he would come with you out of spite and I've never seen Near wrong." Her eyes had narrowed into close slits as if she were trying to read him.

In a slow casual move he pulled his goggles over his eyes. Checkmate. "He's busy." He replied his eyes sliding over to the indicator. Seven to go.

"He's still in the same business?" She asked airily. She was doing a terrible job not hinting that she had met Mello before and apparently they had something going on if she was so worried about him.

He leaned back. "We don't talk about his business." He replied just as lightly but he caught the flash in her eyes. She was taking him as a challenge. He wasn't going to fight her for Mello. She didn't understand the tree that she was barking up. The pretty box of Sex and Christianity tied together with a beautiful blue bow the same color as his eyes.

Deep down he could feel something stirring the more he thought about it. The secrets that he had been keeping all these years. They threatened with each passing second to rear up and swallow him whole. He couldn't breathe for a second. The elevator spun, closing and opening with his breathing and then it all stopped. It was only then that he realized that she was speaking to him.

"…Mafia." She frowned. "I'm surprised that he won't discuss those things with you. I guess you're not as close as I thought." He couldn't ignore the smirk that passed over her lip is he tried.

The door dinged and slid open. "Guess not." He mumbled pushing past her to get into the huge open room. To the right were computer monitors, hundreds of screens lined up flashing things from news programs to code. His eyes scanned over the chair turned towards them but it appeared to be empty. Besides himself and the blond woman there were three other people in the room. Two of which were armed to the tee the final was crouched in the middle of the floor stacking blocks with something in his hand.

Near didn't stop when Matt stepped into the room but he did glance up to show the other occupants of the room that he had been invited. "Matt." He said softly in his blank voice continuing to stack. "You did not bring Mello?"

Matt snorted, "We both know Mello brings himself. I couldn't bring him if I wanted." He watched a ghost smile curl over the others lips. The boy looked the same. Long white pajama sleeves and bottoms brushing over his hands and feet, white hair that brushed his neck and curled upward, and dark eyes that were circled dark with lack of sleep.

He nodded slowly finally setting his toys down. He looked up at Matt his hand instantly flying up to curl in his hair. Just like that Matt knew that they were down to business. "What was your expertise at Wammy house Matt?" His soft voice floated over watching with boredom but Matt knew better. The genius was working as it always was whether he was tired or bored.

"Hacking Near you know that." He didn't take any steps further into the room. Mostly because if something happened he wanted to be as close to the elevator as possible. He hardly believed Near would kidnap him but sometimes things between Near and Mello got out of control. He didn't want to transport back completely to those years at Wammy house. "What do you care about it?"

"I attempted to hack into a system that I believed belong to Kira." He said bluntly. "There I encountered two problems." Matt felt a growing uneasiness in everyone in the room but Near. The boy didn't seem to notice because he continued. "I encountered another hacker within the system that I had to evade off and moments after encountering said hacker another of a higher caliber came through and attempted to remove me from the system." Matt swallowed. "It was simple to remove the first hacker but the second that I can only assume the computer belonged to was of such a high caliber that after hours I wasn't any further in than when they began to attack me." He finger curled slowly, surely.

The red head didn't move. He knew he looked nervous. He knew it now that it was Near he had been battling but there was no way that he could have wound of working for Kira. Or was there? He had no remembrance of anything while he was…away locked in the recesses of his mind. He paled, oh hell. "I see."

"There are, of course, many hackers in the world and some of which are a very high caliber. Although, I attempted to reenter the same system the next day only to find that someone had completely rewritten the whole system. You are the only person that I know that is capable of something like that. It was you, wasn't it Matt?"

Matt shrugged, "What can I say, I'm good."

Near didn't seem to find it nearly as humorous. "Indeed. You do not deny working with Kira?"

Matt frowned, "No, I'm denying that. If I do I didn't know." He winced at his own words. In front of Mello it would have gained him nothing but a slap and a painful pin to the floor.

Near didn't do anything before cock his head to the side. "I see, in that case you won't mind being my person wire?" He questioned as Matt frowned. "If you're not working for him then the least you can do is agree."

Matt folded his arms over his chest. "And if I refuse?" He questioned aloud.

The smirk on Near's lips grew greatly. "Then you'll force my hand and I'll reveal your secret to Mello. I'm assuming that he still does not know?"

"He knows enough."

He nodded standing up and sliding across the floor. Matt watched wearily. He wasn't used to this. He reached forward onto the control panel pushing a flashing button.

"Near." Mello's voice broke the tensioned silence.

"Mello." Near answered softly.


	29. Near's legion

Authors note: Oh look yet another chapter. Took me a while to write and while writing it I came up with another story idea. Though, I'm not sure if I want to do it with Death note or Fruit's basket. Or maybe, I could do both. Same idea, different characters and different reactions. Tell me what you think about both this chapter and the possible new stories. I guess I should tell you tell you about the idea, right? Matt and Mello, or possibly the Fruit's basket cast move into a new home and it's haunted to hell. Personally, I would love to write Mello freaking out or maybe Kyou and Yuki. I'm not sure yet. Ah, supernatural awesome. Anyway read, review and try not to kill Near.

**Extra: So you don't kill me I'll warn you. Pervert Matty is back and he's better than ever. He's someone everyone loves to love and hates to love. Personally I welcome our lovely red headed overlord. **

Near's legion

_Matt didn't move when the blond came storming back into the room the door slamming heavily behind him. His eyes were narrowed, hands gripping the rosary tightly in his hand as he mumbled something under his breath. He stomped past Matt throwing himself on the bottom bunk and curling up. He didn't understand why Mello put himself through this. The weekly list went up today and by now everyone already knew their standing. Matt was always third. He didn't even think about looking anymore. Mello was always second and Near was always first. It wasn't a big deal. So what? Near was the heir and Mello was the second, as far as Matt was concerned it only meant that he wouldn't be cramped in a dank room filled with security while they jizzed themselves over his problem solving abilities. _

_Anyone who knew Near would know that the spot was ideal for someone like him. Anyway you looked at Near he wouldn't be able to function properly and would constantly need help. If he were to just remain at Wammy house his intellect would be wasted, much like Matt wasted his own playing super smash brothers all day when he should have been studying. Mello had once asked him how differently he thought the standings would be if Matt took everything seriously and studied. The answer was simple. He would be third. Mello would be second and Near would be first. Nothing would change because he wouldn't upset the order. _

_It wasn't serious. Being L didn't matter to Matt. Taking care of Mello mattered to Matt and right now Mello wasn't in the mood to be taken care of so he remained silent going as far as the pause his game. He stood grabbing the handheld on his way up before strolling over and taking a seat beside Mello's curled up form. He flicked the switch, began to play and waited until Mello was in the right mood. _

_It didn't take as long as he suspected for the blond to turn over. He didn't look nearly as upset as he did when he came in but that didn't fool Matt. Under those blue eyes was an inferno of anger and rage. He didn't speak for a long while watching Matt's hands clicking away as if it were somehow interesting. "Second." He whispered in his soft voice his eyes closing as if the very word brought pain to him. _

_Matt nodded in response treading carefully. He turned the game off looking at the other with green eyes. "Mello." He mumbled softly watching the other roll his eyes as if he already knew what Matt was going to say. Then again it was Mello, he always knew what Matt was going to say. "Why do you do this to yourself? The ranking are nothing but a way to turn us against each other." He watched the others eyes narrow and hastily backtracked. "I mean, we're the only two close people here." _

_Mello's lip quirked, "Are you saying that if I had a room to myself I would be better than Near?" He asked as Matt shrugged lightly. "If that's the case pack your stuff and get out." He dropped back closing his eyes as his hair pooled around him. "It's the same every time. Even when I study, even when I stay up late and skip mealtimes nothing changes. I can do it. I know I can do it." _

_The red head sighed, "Yeah Mello, I know you can too." His voice was light. He stood moving back across the room to his paused game. "Maybe you should take some time off. Near will eventually burn himself out. Poor kid." _

_Mello jerked upward, "Excuse me?" _

_He glanced back, "Near doesn't sleep nearly as much as he should. He's constantly moving and thinking, he'll burn himself out." _

_The narrowed eyes didn't change. "Not that, the other thing. What did you call Near?" _

_Matt paused the game again sighing. "Let's not go through this Mello. I'm sure he's lonely and maybe a bit misguided. He spends all his time alone and playing with toys. They're like his only friends." _

_The hiss from Mello's lack of response penetrated the quiet of the room. "Out." _

_Matt frowned, "Seriously? Mello, it's not that…"_

_"Out!" The blond roared moving to stand. Matt was on his feet and heading to the door before the other could even think about forcibly removing him from the room. He didn't slam the door behind himself, he paused for a second before quietly shutting it and walking away. He faintly heard the sound of something colliding with the closed door. A few more seconds and it would have collided with him. _

_He headed down the corridor…_

* * *

><p><em>It was cold, colder that it should have been inside of his bedroom. Matt sat up realizing with shock that he wasn't in his bedroom, he was lying on the polished wooden floor of one of the rooms in Wammy house. At least he assumed that he was lying on the floor in Wammy house. His eyes widened as he racked his mind thinking frantically about the night before. <em>

_How was he only sure that it was a night? It's happened longer than a night before. His fingers brushed backwards through his hair, they were shaking like the rest of him. He was growing hysterical as he racked his brain. Mello had thrown him out of the room. That wasn't unusual, Mello was prone to fits of annoyance. He prayed to a God he didn't believe in that he didn't encounter Mello while he was in that state. He was walking down the hallway irritated and then nothing. It was as if bleak darkness swallowed up his memory. _

_"This can't be happening." He whispered hearing something moving across the room. He jerked back releasing a sigh only when he was able to figure out who it was. Near sat quietly across the room, his blank features taking in everything about this moment. He swallowed reaching up and searching for his goggles that he didn't have. "Stop it Near." _

_The white haired boy didn't look away. Instead he tilted his head to the side as if wondering what Matt was talking about. The innocence didn't fool him. "So that's not the first time?" He questioned holding one of his figures in his hand and using the other to twirl his hand. "Interesting." _

_Matt glared, "I don't know what you're talking about." He moved to stand only to find that his joints were rigid from sleeping on the floor all night. Toys littered the floor all around, Stacked dice, figures and trains laid around in disarrayed order. He had to be in Near's room but he couldn't figure out why or how he had gotten here. The best he could do was play stupid and hope they hadn't had an actual conversation while he was in his state. _

_"You do." Near replied his eyes unblinking. "I found you last night standing outside in the snow without shoes on. At first I thought that you were just stupid but the longer I watched you the more something seemed off. Eventually you asked me what I wanted but the way you spoke was not you. Your shoulders weren't tight and bunched up like they usually are because you're shy. You did not fiddle aimlessly with something; you just stood there calmly watching the night sky." _

_He frowned, he didn't remember anything like that. "So? Maybe I just wanted to be alone for a while." _

_"If that is the case you would have turned me down when I told you to come back in. I did not expect you to follow me back to my room. You asked me a few questions, simple questions. Then you sat down on the floor and started stacking dice while I asked you why you were outside. You told me you did not know but you felt like it had something to do with Mello. After about twenty minutes you said I was boring you to death, stood up and left. I woke up this morning and you were sleeping on the floor. I did not bother you." _

_"You sleep?" He questioned watching the other give him a slow nod. "That's new. Where did I go when I left?" _

_He shrugged, "I do not know. You just left, somewhere through the night you came back." _

_He frowned moving to stand. "This stays between us Near." The white haired boy shrugged. "I mean it. I don't mean you, me and Roger and you definitely can't tell Mello." Again the boy shrugged lightly. "I mean it Near." _

_"Your secret is safe with me." Near mumbled as Matt marched out the door slamming to behind him, "For now." _

_Matt paused outside the door to his bedroom. For all he knew Mello was in there waiting for him to show back up. He didn't remember a thing from the night before. Why couldn't he have just stayed in the room and played with Near all night? Why had Near let him get up and wander out? His mind instantly answered that, because Near couldn't stop him if he tried. The boy kept his distance from Mello because of the blond's volatile reaction to him. It usually took Matt forcibly restraining the blond while everyone scattered for cover. He could handle Mello, even at his worse. _

_He took in a deep breath pushing the door open. Mello stood with his back turned picking up a group of books that looked as if they had been thrown. The blond jerked dropping everything in his hand as he glanced over his shoulder. "Matt." He looked a bit more shocked than he should have that the red head was returning. _

_Matt gulped, something had happened the night before. "Mello, I'm really sorry for last night." He whispered gently feeling his fist clench. The blond stood, gaping and wide eyed before nodding slowly. He desperately wanted to ask what had happened but his pride wouldn't give in. Mello couldn't know. Mello could never know the truth. _

_He cleared his throat, "Okay." Was all he said before backing slightly towards the closet and disappearing inside for several minutes. _

_"Are you okay Mell?" He asked quietly shutting the door behind himself so everyone couldn't overhear their conversation. _

_"Yes." _

_He sighed, "I really mean it though Mello. I'm sorry about last night." _

_"Okay." _

_This wasn't working nearly as well as he needed it to. He needed Mello to rage, if he raged he would tell him everything that happened last night. This Mello was meek, quiet and hiding from him in the closet. "Come on Mell. It's okay." _

_"I know." _

_He took a step before nearly tripping over something in the floor. His goggles lay cracked on the floor. "What happened to my goggles?" _

_"You." _

_He winced. The softness of Mello's voice scared him more than anything. He crossed the room, crawled to the top bunk and went to sleep. The other would be more comfortable if he wasn't lurking, so he didn't. _

* * *

><p>Matt's mouth opened before closing once again. It was Mello that spoke first, "I hate to feel like I'm out of the loop. What is it that I know enough about?" His voice was clipped in irritation. "Not sure which I should be more pissed off about, that Matt's been hiding more secrets or the fact that fucking Near knows about it and I don't."<p>

"I've known for years." Near mumbled taking a seat in the previously empty chair. Instead of studying the endless amounts of monitors he stared down at the mike that Mello was speaking from. "Look Mello, you're in second place again. I knew first and you knew second." The humor that touched his voice made Matt cringe. He was baiting the blond.

Mello was silent for several seconds. "Fuck you." He spat coldly back at the white haired boy. "Matt's suddenly so fucking quiet. He seemed so interested in talking a few minutes ago. Spit it the fuck out Matt." His voice had dipped into icy cold.

Matt felt faint, he didn't have to look around to know that all the eyes in the room were on him. "Why does it sound like you're in a car?" He questioned softly hoping that Mello was at work or at least heading there. No such luck.

"Don't fucking worry about it."

Matt bit his tongue not to whine. Something told him and everyone else in the room that Mello was on his way here. Near wouldn't stop him from coming up. Contrary to belief Near liked having Mello around. The feeling wasn't returned and Mello was already hostile and armed.

Fear flooded Matt like icy lake water. He had been walking on ice for years now and it had finally cracked all around him. He was sinking but something told him Mello was going to drown him before he had a chance to do it himself. "Near…" His voice was strangled. The other was watching him with interested eyes now. His hands shook. "Near."

Near dropped to his feet returning to spot in the middle of the floor. "Mello cut the connection." He mumbled quietly bending back down. "You're safe to talk now but he'll be here any minute. Are you scared Matt?"

Matt's hands drifted up to the goggles before pulling them up to rest at the top of his head along with the hair that usually guards his eyes. He gave the other an incredulous look. "Of what? You have enough guards in here to take out blondie anytime but don't scar his face. He's too sexy for that." He grinned at the other. "Haven't seen you in a long time."

"Indeed." Near turned slightly so that his back was facing both Matt and the elevator.

The door dinged before a click came to the back of Matt's head. He held his hands up lightly, "Damn, don't take any time do you?" He sniggered. "So sexy did you miss me or what?"

Mello sneered, "Excuse you? I just told you to get the fuck out."

Matt frowned, "That's lame. Tell me that it was because you freaked out after we had sex or something. Wait, no don't tell me that. It's not worth it if I can't remember it."

Near sighed, "That's not Matt, Mello."

Mello glared, "Shut the fuck up Near. I know what's Matt and what's not Matt." He glanced around the room at the three individuals pointing guns at him unfazed. "Put that shit down. I didn't come here to shoot your golden boy, yet." He rolled his eyes dropping the gun he held to the red head.

Matt turned giving the blond the once over. "Damn you're a ten." Mello frowned, his nose wrinkling. "No? Okay, how about did it hurt?"

Mello glared, "What the hell are you talking about?"

He winked, "When you fell from heaven?"

Mello rubbed his temples, "Okay you're not Matt. You win." He watched the others face lighten. "No, that doesn't mean you can sleep with me." He shoved past the red head his feet loud on the floor with his heavy boots. He took a seat in the chair in front of the monitors.

Matt stood there watching the two with bright eyes, they glittered lightly from the monitors he was facing. "Actually, I am Matt. I've always been Matt but it's a long story. I rather hit on you so you'll get frisky."

Blue eyes narrowed but Mello didn't move. He glanced down at Near who still sat with his back turned. He could head shot that stupid bastard before his lackeys could even think about pulling the trigger. "Okay Near, you got me here. It's clear you want something so spill it."

The white haired boy turned slowly. "Fear." Mello's eyebrow rose. "He is triggered by fear." He shook his head slowly. "More importantly I wanted to relay a message Mello. You see that Matt is the key to Kira and as of right now he works for me. There is nothing you can do about it."


	30. Silent footfalls

Authors note: Oh look another chapter, I'm on a roll. Anyway, thank you all for the reviews. I'm currently writing the story I mentioned in the previous chapter. I'm not sure when it will be posted, but Matt and Mello move into a haunted house. Good stuff, it's like angst mixed with paranormal activity with all the epic fun of Matty and Mell. Anyway, I'm excited about it and you should be too, or not, it's all good. Anyway here's the newest installment. I'm loving the long reviews, they make me smile and want to update more. So as usual read, review and enjoy. Also, if you have any questions about any story or this one feel free to drop me a line. I have endless amounts of time.

Silent footfalls

_Mello glanced awkwardly around the corner his blue gaze running over the group standing in front of the post. Of course there would still be people here. He tried his best to wait until later so no one would be around when he examined his score. Only he should be so lucky to find three people looking back over their scores. What the hell did they think was going to change in a few hours? The new results wouldn't be out until next week so once this one was up nothing on it could be changed. There were no mistakes. _

_Second place. His mind rang with the words sending a cold chill through him. Ever since Near stepped through that door he had been Second. It was a position, but not the one he desired. He was behind someone else. The very thought of it boiled his blood. Near who always sat alone doing various childish things while he studied, worked and prayed through endless nights only to wind up back in Second place. He knew the looks the others gave him when he came around. They felt bad for him, to be the first previously and be beat out by that freak of nature. _

_His fist clenched in anger. Since Near reared his ugly head here his anger had spiraled out of control. They thought he was a liability, he would hurt someone because of his outbursts but he didn't know how true that was. When everything went red he acted on it, he needed to act on it because bottled up would only be worse. Days of therapy with Roger wouldn't do a damn thing for him. The only thing to release him would be to beat Near at his own game. He had to become number one. He had to be the one to take the L code. It's what they all aspired to be. It's what they all wanted. The person in first was envied, Godly in this dank world. To become L was all that mattered. _

_No, that wasn't true. Matt had no want or need to become L. He spent his time playing games and hiding behind those goggles all the time. Mello couldn't think of one instance that he had seen the red head pick up a book and study. He stayed up all night for their A-level's and Matt had went to bed around two in the morning and slept like a baby. In the end the red head came out at third and he was still second. It infuriated him that Matt didn't try but it scared him at the idea of the red head trying. If he could do that without attempting what could he do if he actually wished to become number one. His intellect could possibly surpass both Near and himself. _

_But Matt was his best friend. Matt was the only person he cared about other than himself. Matt, who was always there for him. Matt who he could confide in without fear of being judged. He was the first person that he had told that the teachers and Roger thought he was a threat to the other kids. The red head hadn't responded, he had simply continued to play his game and Mello almost didn't believe that he heard him. The next time in Latin that Mello had simply got an A, while Near made an A plus because he had found a flaw in the test he had freaked out. Before he could even completely act out Matt had tackled him to the floor. He still remembered the cool tiles on his face and back. The red head over him looking deadly serious as he held his hands down. He leaned down and whispered one thing to him, 'Don't let them win.' Matt was his best friend. He would do anything for Matt even if he wouldn't mention it aloud. _

_He opened his eyes finding his hand gripping his rosary. He frowned, being around Matt recently had been unnerving. There was just something about him that unsettled him. He wasn't sure what it was but he assumed it was because Matt was the only person he considered family. An occasional hug wasn't bad but the way the butterflies settled in his stomach…he didn't want to talk about it. _

_He turned the corner, be damned if they were still there or not. They were gone though, and his heart settled from the pattering it did when he thought about Matt too hard. He took a deep breath and strode forward to the list._

* * *

><p>xXx<p>

_The door gave way under his push before he slammed it heavily behind himself. Second. Fucking. Place. Second. Fucking. Place. Why? He worked harder than anyone he knew. He worked harder than Near and he still couldn't pass that smug bastard. His fists clenched harder when he saw the red head sitting in front of the tiny television playing that damn game. He didn't even look like he was paying attention to him. He glared but continued his pace past the red head dropping into the bottom bunk and curled up. _

_Anger swirled in the deepest recesses of his mind as he fought the urge to throw things. Matt was innocent. If he started throwing things in here the red head would certainly get hurt and that was something he didn't want. He had already done the other enough damage. Since the day he told Matt about the teachers and Roger the red head had made it his mission to stop him if he grew out of control. Matt went as far as actually running out of the class when he heard him down the hallway to stop him. Even if they digressed into a punching match the red head wouldn't go down as long as Mello was still upset. _

_The bed caved lower with another's weight and he knew Matt was there. The sound of a click and there he was playing his game waiting. Matt knew him. He frowned, Matt knew him too well. He peeked up but the red head didn't turn so he moved closer. What could possibly be so interesting about playing a game constantly? The best thing about Matt was that he was always bored and he was so easy to get into trouble with. Even now that steel concentration was on multiple things, Mello included. _

_He swallowed; he wanted someone to tell him it was okay. He wanted someone to tell him he could do better and then he could lick his wounds and get to it. "Second." He whispered and the sound of the word leaving his lips made his heart break. _

_"Mello…" the red head said slowly as the scowl crossed the blond's face. That wasn't the voice of someone who was feeling sympathetic towards him. "Why do you do this to yourself? The ranking are nothing but a way to turn us against each other." Mello's eyes narrowed at the words. Matt didn't know what he was talking about. "I mean, we're the only two close people here." Mello conceded to that. They were. _

_"Are you saying that if I had a room to myself I would be better than Near?" He smiled slightly. Matt made him feel better even when he wasn't trying. "If that's the case pack your stuff and get out." He lay back blowing a few wisps of blond hair from around his mouth. "It's the same every time. Even when I study, even when I stay up late and skip mealtimes nothing changes. I can do it. I know I can do it."_

_Matt sighed, "Yeah Mello, I know you can too." His voice was soft as he stood up walking across the room back to his game. Mello frowned, why did he move? "Maybe you should take some time off. Near will eventually burn himself out. Poor kid." _

_Mello jerked, he didn't say what he thought he said. Where the fuck did Matt get off sympathizing with the enemy? "Excuse me?" _

_He glanced back, "Near doesn't sleep nearly as much as he should. He's constantly moving and thinking, he'll burn himself out." Who gave a flying fuck if Near tired himself out? Roger dearest should be the only person who cared about Near not Matt, not his best friend Matt. Matt should be just as pissed that Near was back in first place but Matt didn't care about anything but videogames. _

_Blue eyes narrowed. "Not that, the other thing. What did you call Near?" _

_Matt paused the game again sighing at the others words. "Let's not go through this Mello. I'm sure he's lonely and maybe a bit misguided. He spends all his time alone and playing with toys. They're like his only friends." Matt was speaking like he was supposed to give a damn. He didn't owe a damn thing to that short, deadpan, monotone asshole. _

_"Out." Was all he could manage his fist balling. _

_Matt frowned, "Seriously? Mello, it's not that…"_

_"Out!" Mello repeated already moving to get on his feet. The red head was already on his feet moving hastily out of the room. He didn't slam the door behind himself, instead he paused closing the door in silence. Mello picked up his Math book and chucked it at the door. If he had been a few seconds faster it would have been Matt that he hit. Damn. _

* * *

><p>xXx<p>

_Mello didn't turn over when he heard the sound of the door opening. He didn't want to so much as look at Matt right now. He would just crawl up into the top bunk and go to sleeplike he always did. In the morning everything would be back to normal. Mello already knew that he would forgive him. Matt knew the same. He was just upset because of the rankings so it led to him throwing a fit. It wouldn't be the first time and it wouldn't be the last time. _

_His bed creaked slightly under the weight of another person. His body tensed in response before he felt the familiar touch of Matt. He sighed gently, was he trying to apologize? He rolled over to find the other watching him with an interested look. He cocked an eyebrow, "What do you want?" His next sentence was stifled when red hair brushed his forehead and lips met his own. Blue eyes flew open but he couldn't pull away. The other was holding him, tightly in place as his fingers trailed downward over the blankets. _

_Seconds passed before the red head pulled back. Mello tried to laugh but he couldn't. He was growing hysterical. His heart beat wildly in his ears the sound of pure horror. _

_"What are you doing?" He barely managed to whisper feeling fingers cup his face. "Matt, what the fuck are you doing?" _

_He couldn't make out the others eyes in the darkness. Black gaping and emotionless eyes stared into his own. "Does it matter?" He replied in a voice unlike his own. He sounded cocky, much more than he should have if this was also his first kiss. "Close your eyes and just like it, okay? I'm doing us both a favor." _

_Mello couldn't possibly figure out what he was talking about. Before his mind could clear the panic the other was on top of him again. Fingers brushed his hair, lips met his own and another hand roamed freely ghost touching the skin under his night shirt. Mello gasped at the touch releasing a whine from the others onslaught. Matt's tongue twined as if tasting him like the finest wine. He teased, managing an exposed groan from the blond. _

_Matt pulled back, he was close enough to see his eyes for once but they were pits in the darkness. Mello's hands dropped from around the others neck dumbfounded of how they got there. He swallowed watching the other leisurely move away from him. Cold air rushed to the spots the other had just occupied. His shirt had been torn in the moment but he barely noticed it as the light turned on. _

_"Matt?" Mello was still breathless watching the red head that stood on the other side of the room. "What the hell?" _

_He grinned, "You liked it. I thought you would but I rather be able to see my work so let's keep the light on, okay?" Mello wasn't sure but he thought he saw the other wink. Matt took a step, the sound of something crunching under his foot. He barely glanced down but Mello did. He had stepped on his goggles, something was wrong. Was he getting him back for being mean? He was at a loss. He didn't understand this. He didn't want to understand this. "Now, where were we?" _

_He was too close. The red head loomed over him. He leaned and before Mello knew it he had punching the other squarely in the face. Matt staggered giving him a dark look. Mello scurried off the bed picking up his study books chucking them at the red head who dodged with ease. "Leave me the fuck alone Matt. I'm serious." His hands were shaking and his aim was shot but if the other got close enough he knew he'd lash out. This wasn't the Matt that he knew. What had he done, broken him? _

_Matt held his hands up in surrender, "Okay, okay you win. I'm done for the night but don't ever forget you kissed me back. You enjoyed it, Mell." The way he said his nickname made the blond feel dirty. He shivered throwing another book but the other was already gone out of the room. His eyes widened before dropping to the floor. _

_His fingers gnarled in his hair. That was a lie, it was all a lie. He hadn't liked it, he wasn't gay. He was Catholic, that was impossible. Matt was gay, that was the only reasonable explanation. He snatched his rosary from the bed post and dropped back to his knees. His hands shook as he began to chant. He wasn't gay. He wasn't gay. Why would Matt do this to him? Faintly, from outside the door he thought he heard a chuckle. It only made him pray harder. _

xXx

* * *

><p><em>Mello stayed up all night in the same spot praying. The dark circles around his eyes told, he had been tiredly moving around picking up the books he had thrown. When he grew close to Matt's goggles he left them in place unable to bring himself to touch them. He couldn't touch them, there was no way. He jumped dropping everything in hand when the door opened. "Matt." He turned attempting to school his face into indifference but it couldn't come. He wasn't sure if he was coming off shocked or scared. Maybe, it was a mixture of both. <em>

_Matt looked awkward, completely different than he did last night. "Mello, I'm really sorry for last night." Mello picked the books back up setting them on his desk before nodding. What did he want him to say? _

_"Okay." He mumbled keeping his head down as he walked into the closet and pretended to be busy hanging clothes up. _

_"Are you okay Mell?" He continued shutting the door behind himself. Mello felt himself jump, he was locked in a room with him again. He pushed down the fear that bubbled in his chest. _

_"Yes." He whispered quietly. _

_He could hear the sigh, "I really mean it though Mello. I'm sorry about last night." _

_"Okay." Why couldn't he just drop it? Why couldn't he leave it alone? _

_"Come on Mell, it's okay." _

_He winced, it wasn't. It would never be okay until he was able to forget last night. He wasn't sure how long that would be. "I know." _

_He stayed where he was willing himself not to shake as the other began to move. "What happened to my goggles?"_

_"You." He replied. Did he not remember stepping on them?_

_Seconds turned into minutes. Mello didn't have a choice but to leave the closet but when he did the red head was lying quietly in his bed. His back was turned to the blond and Mello released a breath he didn't know he had been holding. _

xXx

* * *

><p>A muscle in Mello's cheek twitched at the others words. He had to be joking, right? "Oh look Near you finally developed a sense of humor. It's a bit late and it's not funny. Don't piss me off." His fingers were digging into the leather of the chair.<p>

Near smirked, "It wasn't a joke Mello." His finger twirled white locked. He barely flinched when Matt reached down to touch his hair. He glanced up slightly confused but the red head just shrugged mumbling something about baby soft. He turned back to the blond, "Now that he is here I don't have to release him from my custody. The same goes for you but I'm willing to reason with you."

Mello didn't look interested but he waved the other on. He looked like a king on his throne, blue eyes taking everything in but his calm look didn't fool anyone. His gun was still within reach, it only took one time for Near to say something to set the blond off. If Near knew this he didn't look bothered by any of it. "Shoot, because you're investing that I give a fuck enough to do something for you."

The white haired boy nodded touching the spot on his head that Matt had petted. Matt had actually wandered across the room and was watching the monitors a decent distance from Mello. "I'll be willing to release Matt to you in the case that you remain here with me to complete the Kira case. If not I'll keep him here and use him to complete the case. Either way I win."

"Win?" Mello snorted. "That's an interesting word to use. What exactly do you think that you're winning, Near? You're asking for help because you need someone to string along. Matt, of course, would be perfect for that, right? I'll be damned if it's me."

Near smirked, "Then he stays with me. Matt was third. With a bit of a push he'll be just as good as you."

Mello gaped at the other his eyes narrowed. "Like hell. Matt will never be as good as me."

Near didn't respond but Matt did. "I don't know Mello if he tried I think he could give you a run for your money." He didn't move to look at the other but he could feel the blue gaze on his back. "No offense, I hope this doesn't hinder our relationship. I'm really into you." He grinned. "And I can see you getting into me. Don't play coy you bad boy."

Mello face palmed himself not even sparing Near a look. "Matt is not just as good as me. I don't give a fuck if he's trying or not."

"Of course." Near's voice was soft.

"I mean it." He folded his arms. "But I still won't help you. Fuck that, I'm going to beat you fair and square. Besides, I'm not some pussy running around asking for help."

"You're lying. You need Matt to hack into Kira's computer system." He left out that it was him in the system with the other two but Mello quickly put it together on his own.

He slammed his hands on the chair causing everyone to jump except Matt and Near. "You son of a bitch, that was you wasn't it? That's bullshit, you planned that shit."

Near shook his head, "No I did not know you would be attempting to infiltrate the same system as I but I did rid the system of you." He heard the growl. "It was actually easy, fighting against Matt was the complication. I knew it was him so I allowed you back into the system in an attempt that maybe we could occupy him. It did not work."

Mello was scowling his leg shaking as if he wanted to move but didn't dare yet. "Fuck you Near. Whoop-de-fucking-doo you figured out Matt is good with computers. You're not further than I am."

"Mello calm down." It was the blond woman from the elevator. "We allowed you in here and we let you keep your gun. Near is trying to show good faith."

Blue eyes locked with hers. "Near doesn't have a faith, he's a damn atheist like Matt. You can't talk about Near and faith, it doesn't work so shut up. You're hired help so stay in your place." Her lips pursed slightly at his words but she did stay quiet.

"Well damn." Matt mumbled from across the room. "Hostile much. Calm the fuck down blondie, you have enough testosterone to run the whole fucking Olympics." He saw the others face. "Sir." He added softly.

Near cut off Mello before he could speak again. "The choice is yours Mello. Either leave Matt here with me or stay here yourself. Of course, if you're not capable of capturing Kira Matt will do well."

He frowned, "I'll think about it only if you let me talk to Matt alone."

Matt grinned, "I agree. We should talk alone. So alone, in a room, with a bed." He looked thoughtful. "Or the floor, maybe a wall. Oh yes, I like this idea."

Something passed over Near's face but he nodded lightly. "That is fine but I want my answer soon."


	31. Game Set Match

Authors note: I can't believe this story has so many reviews and so many chapters. Thank you to everyone here and still reading. I'm not going to say that this story is going to have a sequel, it might or might not. I will say that I enjoy reading everything that you all post and it makes me so happy. So please, read review and enjoy the latest installment.

Game. Set. Match.

The room adjacent to the room that held Near struck Mello as small, cramped and completely Near like. It actually looked like it was his bedroom. The bed itself was covered with a crisp white blanket and a single pillow sat at the head. The bed was a huge structure taking up a majority of the room something much too large for Near by himself but seeing as he was positive Near was the devil and didn't sleep it didn't matter what his bedroom looked like.

Matt shut the door lightly behind him as he entered behind Mello. Green eyes weren't visible under the array of hair but Mello knew inwardly that he was watching him. He was right to do so because Mello was still restraining the feeling he should punch the other but he wasn't sure why. Was he upset with how everything with Matt had ended? Was he upset that Near knew about him before he himself did? Was he upset that the other said that Matt could potentially be smarter than him? Was he just mad for the sake of being mad?

The answer was hell fuck yes to all those things but right now wasn't the time to take out his anger on Matt. He had questions and he wanted answers one way or another.

"The bed's big enough." Matt mumbled but he wasn't particularly talking to Mello. Something was off, he wasn't sure if Near being around put the other off but something strange wasn't adding up. Why would Near offer such a deal? The usual forcefulness of the other Matt wasn't there. He seemed lost and confused. "So what's up?"

Mello watched as he sat on the bed, it bowed under his weight. He didn't seem to notice it. "Why did you never mention to me that you knew Near?" The other looked uncomfortable, it was a fleeting blank look before it digressed back into his usual cockiness. "Don't give me some bullshit answer either. You pretended to play stupid all that time."

The other sneered, "Look blondie, I know a lot of things that I don't need to let on to anyone. What was supposed to make you different?" he pulled the goggles off and tossed them hastily across the room towards the door. They clattered harshly falling to the floor. Mello's eyes followed, the crack that had appeared on the lens triggered something but he pushed it away. "Why should I tell you anything about me? You're the person that spent literally years hurting Matt. I don't owe you a damn thing."

Mello's eyes narrowed, "Matt's my friend. I would never hurt him." His reply was frank but soft as if unsure. "That's why I should at least know more than Near."

He shook his head. "Matt loves you. Or at least he loved you. He spent years at Wammy house watching you, taking care of you and letting you take advantage of him. You knew Mello, don't lie. You've always known how Matt felt about you and you felt the same but instead of giving in you buried yourself under anger, Near and becoming number one. I remember, you ran under the Catholicism platform." Mello didn't reply as the other spoke but he also didn't break eye contact. "I've been in contact with Near for years even after Wammy house. How do you think he got your number?"

Mello's fist clenched, "Okay." He breathed in deeply. This room had to have camera's, it wasn't Near's style to be blind. He was reading every little thing that went on in here even if he couldn't hear it. He cooled himself desperately attempting to stay calm. He leaned back against the wall. "If you've known Near for so long how many time have you met in person?"

"Three." He replied lightly picking up something from the dresser. Mello wasn't sure but it looked a lot like an action figure. Typical for Near. "Once at Wammy house, once after Wammy house and today." He didn't elaborate. "As for you I've met you on multiple occasions when you terrorized him. You control him with fear. Fear that you'll leave him again. Fear that he's not good enough to stand up to your standards and fear of your relationship." He smirked, "It was you that created me Mello. Don't you remember?"

The blond gaped, wide eyed and confused. "Excuse you?"

He leaned back, "If you don't remember then I won't tell you. I'm sure it'll come to you eventually. As for Near he's been the only thing that I could call a friend. I didn't get much interaction from anyone but you and what can I say, he's better than nothing. I mean I'm into your looks Mello, that fine tight ass, but you personality is something only a mother could love. Luckily Matt has a masochistic personality. He gets off on your anger, you remind him of someone else." Mello watched the dark look pass over the others eyes.

The silence that passed through the room couldn't count as awkward. It was far away from it actually. Mello knew exactly what he wanted to say and Matt knew exactly what he wanted to hear but it was Mello that had too much pride. It was choking him, cutting off his connection to his best friend and the only person in his life that had made a difference. "Matt is important to me."

The red head shook his head, "Matt is useful to you." He corrected. "You can use Matt so you do. It's that simple, I don't blame you."

The blond closed his eyes, "That's not true. I care for Matt."

"As a friend." The other corrected standing. Mello could hear him in the silence the flooded the room, heavy boot steps crossing the room. He was right in front of him. "Matt is your best friend. Matt is your malleable best friend that will follow you to the ends of the earth and do anything for you because he loves you but that's okay because you can ignore that love and us e him. I know that, you know that and even Near knows that."

Mello didn't open his eyes. He wasn't right. He didn't use Matt, or did he? Matt had never complained. He always stood his ground, or did he? The shadow of doubt wouldn't disappear. He had spent all this time hurting Matt and he didn't know. He had hurt his best friend.

Mello faintly felt fingers sift through his hair. He opened his mouth to comment before he felt lips upon his own. He didn't know how to react, Matt had never actually kissed him, well not forcefully. He attempted to move back but there was nowhere to go, he was stuck in the embrace. It was soothing, familiar and cooling. For a second he had forgotten the conversation, he had forgotten the pain and most of all he had forgotten this wasn't Matt.

The other pulled back green eyes showing from under the fray of red hair. "Don't ever forget that you kissed back Mello." He stepped back shoving his hands back into his pockets. "Our conversation is done. I hope you have an answer for Near." He opened the door disappearing out.

The blond took in a shallow breath. He slid down the wall his mind still buzzing with questions but the Matt that had walked out the door wasn't the Matt to ask any of these questions. He had heard those words before but he didn't remember where. He didn't want to remember where. Matt was his best friend. He was sorry he didn't feel the same way. He just wanted to keep his best friend but everything was slipping away from him like water in his hand.

He leaned his head back against the wall hearing a faint knock as it collided. If his Matt was a masochist by nature than the other Matt was his opposite. Everything pointed to that and therefore he was a sadist. The sick bastard was getting off on reversing the head games. That's how he worked.

xXx

Near didn't turn when he heard the door open. He knew it was Matt walking with the same slow leisured pace as he always did. It would still be several more minutes until Mello showed his face. Either way neither of them would be leaving here. Mello would give in and stay here but because Matt was released into the custody of Mello he would have to remain with the blond. Mello would never leave Matt here with him alone and so Near would have both Matt and Mello at his disposal. He smirked feeling the hand on his hair again. He glanced up in confusion but the red head didn't seem to be paying attention as he absently combed his fingers through his hair. It made him feel weird but not bad. Instead he returned to the train set he had been building before either of them had come in.

"That talk did not last long." He said absently feeling rather than seeing the red head shrug. In all the occasions he had met this Matt he had always been constant. He held the same intellect as the Matt they grew up with but the way he used it was completely different. While normal Matt dallied and used his intellect to Mello's advantage this Matt used it to manipulate. He always had to keep a firm watch on him. He could feel him manipulating Mello with each of his comments as if the blond deserved the pain. The blond was so caught up that he hadn't noticed yet. It all worked out so perfectly.

Matt sat in the middle of the circle with the other watching the screens. "I won't be able to stay here forever. Once Matt's back you'll have Mello back on his A-game." He watched the other nod. The operatives around the room were poised in watching the two of them together. He would never hurt Near. He liked him far too much for that. "You have to be careful but I can assure you that Matt won't let Mello touch you." He grinned. "He thinks of you like a brother."

Near paused looking back at the red head. His green eyes barely showed but even without the sight of his eyes you could tell he was a completely different person. The way he smiled, the way he carried himself and the way he spoke. "Brother?" He echoed watching the other nod. He was still flipping the strands lightly with his hands. "And you?"

He looked like he was thinking. "Well…"

The door opened and Mello strolled out looking paler than Near had ever seen him. He paused momentarily his eyes narrowed on the two sitting in the floor. Near watched the annoyance, jealousy and possession before the blond continued back to the chair he had moved from previously. He glanced up at Matt whose hand had fell to his side watching the blond with little to no expression on his face.

"Have you come to your conclusion Mello?" Mello couldn't say that he imagined the annoyance in the boy's usual deadpan voice. Had he really interrupted something that much? Good.

He nodded, "I have. I've decided that both Matt and I will stay here. That's how you were planning it wasn't it? If I agreed to stay you would release Matt to me but he'd have to be here with me. You knew I wouldn't walk out the door without my best friend." He shook his head. "While I'm here I'm calling the shots. Got it?"

"Okay." Near's voice had resumed its calm.

He frowned, "I'm not doing this for you Near. I want answers and I know that you have them. I'll be damned if I lose to you Near." His eyes flickered over Matt. "At anything."


	32. Green eyes

Authors note: Another chapter. I already have three more written which is a wonderful thing. So now you know you have at least three upcoming chapters in the near future. Isn't that exciting? I think it's exciting also. Anyhow, please read review and enjoy...or something.  
>To bloo buscus: I like it when Matt pets Near. It makes me giggle too but probably for different reasons.<p>

To Awesomenessknowsnobounds: Your review made me smile so hard. ALL THOSE QUESTIONS WILL BE ANSWERED AND MORE...Or something.

To Carottal: Your reviews are always top notch. They make me happy each and every time. I actually look forward to them. Matt2 has a lot of things in store for Mello in the upcoming chapters and Near is more than he seems to be. That's the only hint I'm giving.

Green eyes

"You should have known he was going to flip out when they tried to take his gun." Matt leaned against the same wall Mello had hours previously. His eyes traveled everywhere but the bed where the young boy sat staring into space. He hadn't met many people in his spare time but something told him that not many of them Near's age had his hair color. He didn't understand how Mello hated such a cute kid. He couldn't hate Near if he tried, not that he would.

After Mello's agreement the blond woman had approached him with the idea of taking his weapons. The fight that followed had showed Near and Matt both how inadequate Near's force was when it came to things that should have been simple tasks. Twenty minutes of fighting and both men that had been watching Mello the whole time were lying on the floor on their backs while the woman was glancing awkwardly towards Near and Matt every few seconds for some form of help. In the end it was Matt that had taken the weapons away from Mello.

Near shrugged.

"There's a way that you have to deal with Mello. I would know. Matt spends all his time tip toeing around him hoping not to invoke that anger." Matt closed his eyes. He was tired, today was wearing down on him. "Is it wise to leave him in there with a group of people he just beat up?"

"They won't touch Mello if he doesn't give them a reason to." He replied softly. "You speak of Matt as if you are not Matt."

He winced lightly at the others tone. "It's not like that. It's more of everything he goes through I go through. I know how he feels, why he feels that way but the only difference is I face it differently. His complete devotion to Mello and even the way he deals with the world around him." He shook his head slightly staring into space still. "It's different for me. I don't feel that way towards Mello. Don't get me wrong, a good fucking wouldn't be bad but I don't love Mello like he does. Matt can't help himself, he craves Mello's love or at least he did."

Near tilted his head slightly watching the other with blank eyes. "Did?" He questioned softly. His eyes flickered towards the door that led back into the main room. Mello was still out there no doubt staring at the door to the room they were behind with hated. He remembered the look on Mello's face when he walked out and saw Matt touching his hair. Jealousy was a fearful thing and things would only get worse. He was willing to allow it to go there. He liked having Matt around.

Matt finally looked at the small boy who had curled up into a hunched look. "Matt and Mello had this huge blow out so right now Matt's in 'I don't give a fuck' land. I don't know exactly how long it's going to stay that way because Mello will try and weasel his way back in like he always does." He looked disgusted at the sound of the words.

The white haired boy nodded. He could use that. If Matt wasn't devoted to Mello then he could easily manipulate them against each other. If they were on opposing sides they wouldn't be able to come together and oppose him. "I see." Was all he said aloud. He was beginning to weave his words to the other Matt.

xXx

Mello was spinning freely in Near's chair glaring daggers at anyone who happened to come across his vision. The first thing on his to-do list had nothing to do with Near. It all dealt with Matt and how to deal with him. He refused to take anything that asshole had told him in the room for face value and where the hell did they get off disappearing into Near's bedroom together like they were some kind of fucked up couple? Matt would flip shit if he found out he slept with Near.

He snorted trying his hardest to withhold the laughter bubbling behind his lips. A quick glance up told him that all three members of Near's 'crack team' thought he had lost it. No luck there, if anything he was thinking better than he had been doing previously. Without Matt clouding his mind with emotions and friendship and stupidity he could think properly. His eyes drifted back towards the door and he scowled. If he did decide to get up and interrupt Matt and Near's crash session 101 in Near's bedroom it would make him look bad. It would make him look jealous. It would make him look like he _cared._

_'You're jealous. Just admit it.' _The voice deep in Mello's head sounded. He looked away from the door instantly refusing to so much as acknowledge that something that stupid could be true. _'If you're upset go make Matt talk to you. You've done it before. You can do it now. If you don't it makes it look like Near's won.' _

Before he could even consider it the door opened and Near padded out without so much as even glancing in his direction. Behind him he pulled Matt the two still in deep conversation. Mello's eyes narrowed, now they were holding hands? What the fucking hell was up with these people? The members of Near's team seemed more than concerned as they watched the two of them together. Mello knew Near, he didn't like being touched. He didn't like touching people so why was he suddenly so damn okay with Matt being buddy buddy with him?

Matt glanced over and Mello noted that his goggles were covering his eyes even with the crack in the lens. His heart leapt at the prospect that his Matt was back and he wouldn't have to endure this alone. Near was still holding his hand speaking quietly to the blond woman that had brought Matt up. She nodded in affirmation before shooting Mello a dark look. Her finger lifted as she gestured for him to come with her. He rolled his eyes. That's not how you spoke to him. He wasn't a dog and refused to be called as one.

"Mel." Matt's voice was light as he glanced around the room like it was his first time there. "Come on, don't make this difficult like you do everything else."

The blond shifted to glare him down. "Don't you call me that." He snapped. "Like I do everything else? It's not me that makes things difficult, it's you."

A smirk passed on the man's lips. "O rly?" He replied in the same soft voice. "I could beg to differ but if it puts you to sleep tonight then I'll give you that." Mello knew by tone of voice alone that it wasn't his Matt. He deflated a bit but he did get up and stalk across the floor stopping several feet away from Near feeling everyone but Near and Matt tense. What did they think he was going to do with him?

Near released Matt's hand and stepped away. "Good night Matt." He said quietly not looking at the red head that held his hand up in farewell before following the blond woman towards the elevator. Mello followed the two of them, "Good night Mello."

The blond frowned, "Whatever. You better get some sleep because I'm not dealing with your bullshit tomorrow if you don't get your baby nap." He folded his arms over his chest as the group stepped into the elevator. He could faintly make out the smile on Near's lips as the doors closed. "Asshole."

xXx

"Near decided that it was best for the two of you to share a room." The woman pushed the door open. Mello noticed that it hadn't been locked and it shot a decent amount of panic through him. He pushed it down under indifference. Near had to be watching them. He could play this game because he knew Matt better, right? "It's actually more like an apartment than just a room. Near is just upstairs and you can enter at any time." She didn't look happy on that. "He trusts you two. Not quite sure why." She mumbled under her breath.

Matt was absently nodding his head staring off into space. The apartment was spacious and finely decorated. It was everything Mello would have done to their apartment if nice things didn't bother Matt so much. One day he would have a house that would work for the both of them. Right now he had to figure out his relationship with Matt and the person who stood so close to him with that familiar face wasn't who he wanted to see or talk to.

Hal was gone as soon as she opened the door. He guessed he deserved that. She was annoying and he wasn't in the mood to hear the mouth of a woman at that point. They weren't friends and had only met on one previous occasion and he had been considering killing Near in cold blood at that moment. It would have been so easy, so simplistic but he had decided against it because Matt would hate him for it. Matt would never forgive him for killing Near. He could beat him fair and square but he couldn't so much as go and kill him.

He glanced at Matt now. The man had collapsed on the couch after removing his goggles and placing them on the table in the center of the floor. "You don't have to just stare, just come in and shut the door." Mello glowered but he did move across the floor in cat like grace. He slid down into one of the other chairs occupying the room and stared into space. "Don't be awkward Mello, there's something you want to say."

"You piss me off." He replied but it didn't have the full conviction of anger in it. He was speaking matter of factly. "All the time. I wish you would go away and never come back."

Matt smirked sitting up on his arms to be able to see the other. "Ah, that's what you wanted to say? I make it harder for you to bully Matt, right?"

He glared, "I don't bully Matt."

"You punch him." He shook his head slowly. "Maybe you should refresh your etiquette on bullying because clearly you don't understand it. You _scare_ Matt. "

Mello grinned, cold and deadly. "If I scare you then do I get my Matt back?" He looked about ready to pounce.

Matt sneered, "Is that what you think? If you think that's true then bring it on blondie. Be careful, I've been known to slap some asses in my spare time." He winked.


	33. Unknown territory

Authors note: Oh yay another chapter. I have four more already written so be expecting another update soon...hopefully. I'm happy Near's around now. He makes everything so much more...adorable. Sue me I think he's cute. Second Matt is still being himself and well...you'll have to read to find out. Please read, review and enjoy.

Unknown territory

"Near they're fighting." Hal's voice came from across the room by the monitors with a slight amount of panic. He knew both Matt and Mello and them fighting each other was normal. "Near." Her voice tapered off, he could feel the eyes on him. Even if he were to tell them to go down and stop the two from fighting it wouldn't do any good. Mello wouldn't stop until he got all his anger out. He couldn't do much damage without a gun or in the case of Matt it was all for show.

He shrugged, "Let them fight, it's not hurting anything." She made a disapproving noise from in the corner but held her hand up to call off her group. There was nothing he could do to stop them anyway. He glanced over his shoulder watching the monitors connected to their room. It didn't seem too bad.

xXx

Blue eyes blared in hatred while green eyes seemed to be searching the room for some kind of escape plan. When one didn't come he slowly lowered his eyes back to the blond and smirked. He figured Mello had no idea that all these years Matt had been holding back when fighting him. There was no better time to learn than the present.

So far Mello had managed to tackle him into a wall, bloody his lip and get several head shots while he was doing a decent job of just holding him off. He really didn't want to fight the blond but the idea of maybe ripping off some of his clothes and getting him worked up just wouldn't go away. He looked so good, so pissed off. He grinned inwardly thinking about how far he could probably push the other.

"Come off it Mello, you're mad because I won't give you your Matty back? What are you going to do apologize? Even Near knows that your words are bullshit." He smirked when he saw the others eyes narrowed angrily. "I guess I should tell you some things Matt's been keeping from you." He watched the blond turn and he turned also so that they were walking around to couch at the same slow pace.

Mello's jaw was set. In the lamp light he resembled an avenging angel. He was beautiful and frightening. He was everything that Matt himself would want in a person minus the violence and attitude. He couldn't blame Matt for being attracted to Mello's mind or his body but he couldn't fully comprehend how he could devote himself to someone like Mello. "What is it you want to say? I want to know."

He grinned, "Remember when we first started talking and I told you I slept with the nurse?" He watched the blond frown, his hair a halo of gold. "That was the truth but it wasn't the first time that Matt had ever had sex with someone." If Matt wasn't mistakened he noticed a muscle twitch in the others jaw. "Of course you didn't know anything about that. Matt's other companion that wasn't you? The person who filled his life before you walked back into it? Oh, excuse me, before he decided to find you."

The blond swallowed, "You're lying." He said simply but he wasn't unsure. Everything he had thought previously came rushing back. The idea that this person standing in front of him had to be sadist. He wasn't doing anything besides playing mind games. He was trying to upset Mello. He was trying to make him think unclearly and it was working. "Matt doesn't trust people enough to let them into his life like that. Matt doesn't even like to be touched."

He smirked, "Unless it was someone that he grew up with. Matt just can't stomach being touched by you." He replied. "I won't name any names but it's someone that you know well…enough."

Mello growled, a deep savage sound coming from the pit of his throat. He hadn't known it was happening until after the sound was made. It was taking everything in him not to kill the other. He wanted his gun. He wanted to go back and get it just so that he could shoot the other. "You're fucking lying. I'd believe that of you but never Matt."

The other took a step forward towards Mello. "Why do you care? You don't like Matt like that, you're just friends. Whoever Matt sleeps with isn't any of your business. Whoever Matt sees isn't any of your business. All his online 'friendships' were ways to replace what he felt for you." He grinned green eyes blazing. "But you don't want to accept that do you? You don't like the idea that Matt could ever not worship you right Mello? How about that there was a point after you left Wammy house and Matt lived with Near and took care of him?"

The blond looked fractured. It was satisfying, everything burned in Matt to continue. There were plenty of things he could say. The amounts of things were endless but it was all worth it to see that pain on Mello's face. He took another step and noted with satisfaction that Mello stepped back looking hurt.

"That's right Mello, Matt who you ignored all those years had a whole life without you. In the end he went back to you." He smirked taking another step. "Does it hurt Mello? The look you're giving me seems to say that it hurts. Three whole years passed but I'll let you in on something Matt left Wammy house a month after you. Would you like to know where he went?"

A buzz resounded in the room, "Matt that's enough." Near's voice was gentle but it held an edge of finality. "Come here."

Matt frowned towards the sound of the voice before shrugging. "Looks like I'm wanted top side." He flashed the other a large smile turning to head out of the room. Before he could take a step Mello was on top of him. He had tackled him roughly slamming him with full force into the floor. He couldn't see the blond's face but there was enough rage in his touched that told Matt he had gone too far. He chuckled quietly. "So now you want to be mad? Is that it? Oh wait, you might feel more comfortable with what Matt might say in this situation. How about this, 'u mad bro?'"

Mello's voice, which he thought would come out as a harsh scream was soft and nearly silent. Matt almost didn't hear him. "Say that you're lying." He whispered his hands were shaking but they held fast. "Say that you're lying. Matt would never do that." Inwardly he added, 'to me.'

He snorted, "Why because you didn't want him to. Why do you care?"

Mello mumbled something quietly in another language but aloud he managed, "Because I'm his friend."

Matt rolled and Mello released him. He pulled himself up into a sitting position. "And that's why you just don't get it." He replied standing up. "When you want to talk to me and tell me the truth about everything I'll be with Near. I mean it Mello. And just so you'll have to come to me Matt won't be back until you tell the truth about how you feel."

xXx

Matt came strolling into the room with ease. He didn't have to look around to know where Near was sitting. The boy was turned towards him curled up in the large chair. He grinned, "Don't you look cute. Like a kitten or something." The other didn't respond. "Well fine then, why did you stop me from playing with Mello? It'll all work out towards Matt's favour if that's what you're worried about."

He shook his head slowly, "Mello will be unfocused if all he can think about it his relationship with Matt."

He shrugged, "And if Mello is unfocused you can keep running the show like you've been doing." He barely paid attention when he slid into the chair beside Near. The young boy shifted over hastily giving the other a dark look that he ignored. "Or are you trying to take care of Mello?" He grinned at the others blank face. "Don't worry about it Near. I know what I'm doing."

Near didn't look sure. "Like how you found Mello for Matt?" He questioned gently. "What did you think would be different?"

Matt's head tilted back red hair shifting away from his eyes. "Nothing. I didn't think anything about Mello would be different but it wasn't a difference in Mello that I was hoping for. I wanted the difference in Matt. He was running himself out without Mello. Mello is the only thing that keeps Matt functional. I hate to admit it but he'll always go back to Mello even if I don't want him to."

Near curled back up tucked under the red head without looking at him. "So you're pushing Mello away so that Mello will pull Matt closer?"

He shrugged, "I'm playing it by ear and trying to have as much fun as I can." He grinned even with his eyes closed.

Gray eyes traveled up to the red head, "You're using me to make Mello jealous because Mello does not like me." He sounded bitter.

With his eyes closed Matt cocked an eyebrow. "No I'm not." He replied simply. "I wouldn't do that to you Near. If anything I like you. You're smart, quiet and adorable." He laughed to himself. "If I could get Matt to move on to you I would. Though, I think you're still a few years too young and Matt's not a cradle robber…I think."

Near shook his head, "I'm eighteen."

Matt glanced down at the boy with an incredulous look, "Well damn." He stifled a laugh. "I never paid attention. Remind me to take you out drinking one day."

"Okay."


	34. Out all night

Authors note: Oh look another chapter. I'm not currently writing anything because...I'm not in a good mood. At all. So think of this as the last chapter for a while. So please read, review and enjoy.

Out all night

Matt glanced over, he had been sitting here for hours. He hadn't wanted to return to Mello just yet. He had been enjoying watching the blond stalk around the room with anger in the tension of his shoulders before disappearing into the bedroom where there wasn't a camera. He glanced down, figures Near would respect Mello's privacy. He wanted to see if he made the blond cry. He had been close enough when he had left the room but of course he had gone somewhere to hide the fact. He wondered if Mello knew there were no cameras and if he was in there just waiting for him to return.

Near was sleeping, he had been for hours now. So Mello was wrong again when he said that Near couldn't possibly sleep. It was more likely that the darkness under his eyes came from stress rather than lack of sleep. He would have to mention it the next time if came up in conversation. The members of Near's force had long disappeared leaving the two of them together. He faintly wondered if they remembered Matt from when he first came to stay with Near all those years ago. Matt had never once mentioned it to Mello most likely because it was the worst kind of betrayal. He laughed quietly to himself feeling the boy shift next to him.

He smiled reached down and wrapping his arms gently around the boy. He didn't doubt that Near slept here most nights. He carried him, lightly towards the bedroom where he used his free hand after a bit of juggling to get the door open. The door opened with a soft creak, the light still on from when they had spoken in the room hours ago. He faintly wondered if Near were afraid of the dark and then he remember that Near wasn't as young as he seemed. Near looked young but he wasn't young.

Matt shook his head laying the boy gently into his bed. He searched the floor for one of his toys before wrapping it in the boy's hand. He noted with interest the figure resembled Mello. It was only now that he stopped to think about what Near could be planning with all of them. It didn't particularly matter to him but he had to watch him closer. Near didn't so much as stir and that was fine as Matt covered him up gently. He swiped the hair out of his face and smiled shaking his head. "Good night Near. It would do you some good to get out so remind me." He knew the other couldn't hear him but it felt good to talk to someone that wasn't Mello for once.

xXx

The first thing Matt heard when he woke up was the sound of the elevator door opening and heavy boots moving across the room. He didn't move mostly because they weren't heading in his direction they were heading towards Near's bedroom. If Matt knew him well enough Mello had been up all night and with sleep deprivation and annoyance he wouldn't be much of a danger to Near who had been sleep all night. He faintly wondered if it was Near he had heard hours ago open the door and peek out but he couldn't be too sure. In a room this quiet the mind played tricks on people.

Mello pushed the door open to Near's room without knocking. There wasn't much he could be doing in here besides sleeping but to Mello's surprise Near was sitting up staring blankly across the room. He shook his head slowly, "You're such a fucking freak." He mumbled under his breath before Near slowly turned his head to the side to look at him. He was expressionless, bleak and bored looking. It was almost as if he were expecting Mello to wake him up this morning. "What the hell are you doing?" He asked seriously but the boy didn't respond to his question.

Instead rolled out of bed and landed on the floor almost standing up completely straight. That was the tallest Mello had ever seen the boy. He watched with creeped out observation as Near began talking to himself heading towards a room to the side. It was a bathroom.

"Shower. Change of clothes. Breakfast. Playtime." He mumbled quietly disappearing into the bathroom without so much as a glance back towards Mello.

The blond frowned, he didn't even want to ask. Instead he shut the door moving back across the floor towards Matt who was turned towards the sea of monitors. "And where the hell have you been all night?" He leaned over the chair trying his best to keep his composure. He had helped himself last night. He told himself over and over that a sadist couldn't be trusted but anyway he looked at it if this Matt was the aggressor in their relationship then he was the aggressor in his relationship with Matt. He was the sadist. He couldn't be trusted. He racked his mind all night to solutions and the only one that he could come up with was to play the game along with the red head and Near. He could work just well with both of them against him. He had gone through worse before.

"Right here." He replied lightly not looking at the blond. "Why? Did you miss me last night while you pleasured yourself to the idea of Matt licking the soles of your shoes?" He smirked feeling that he had caught the blond off guard.

He frowned, "You're sick. You really decide to use Matt's intelligence for your creepy ass remarks?" He questioned.

Matt spun in the chair causing the blond almost to stumble. He managed a step back albeit less graceful than he wanted. "No I use Matt's intelligence and knowledge of you to fuck with you. I thought you were smart Mello, you should have figured that out ages ago."

Mello sneered, "I did. That's why you lied last night."

A dark eyebrow arched, "I never said I was lying to you. I said I like to fuck with your head. I didn't lie when I said that. The truth mindfucks a whole lot better than lies. Trust me." He watched Mello's face go slack and decided to change the subject. "Did you know Near was eighteen?" He shook his head slowly.

Mello frowned, "I don't see how that matters at all. I could care less how fucking old Near is but I do know how old he is." He folded his arms over his chest. "Unless you have a thing for Near. If that's the case you're fucking sick."

Matt shrugged, "I have a thing for a lot of people you included." He locked eyes with the blond. "Anything you want to say?"

Mello shook his head, "Nope." He turned and stalked back towards the elevator only pausing when Near came from the bedroom. He glanced over his shoulder rolling his eyes. "Done with your weird ass morning routine?"

Near nodded looking fresh out the shower. His white hair hung in silky looking curls and in some places stuck to his face. "You look tired Mello."

He glared, "Fuck off Near don't you have breakfast to be eating or some shit?"

"Maybe." He replied lightly. "It might do you some good to calm down."

Mello turned fully, "And do what? Be like you because that shit's out of the question."

Near locked eyes with Mello. "Why? Matt likes my demeanor more than yours."


	35. Ready Aim Fire

Authors note: Oh look another chapter. Though, I have to say of all my stories and all my chapters the next chapter is my favourite. It's so malicious in nature I'm proud of myself. Anyway, for all of those missing normal Matt he comes back. Be happy. Raito will be back in the story and doing his thing. Mello's still being Mello because well he's in denial and he's pissed and Near is formulating a plan that's working too well. Get ready to the showdown of sexy Matt and Mello over...Near?

Ready. Aim. Fire

Matt watched the stark surprise register on Mello's face but he was already on his feet before the expression could change and it did. The blond's fists clenched and he began moving forward clearly tired of Near's mouth this early in the morning. Matt slid into place grabbing the blond before he could get close to Near and swing. It didn't seem to do anything besides anger Mello more.

"Back the fuck off Mello." Matt's voice was clipped with annoyance but the blond wasn't looking at him. He was staring intently at Near who hadn't moved an inch since the beginning of the conversation. To his defense he was either very foolish or he had serious guts. Mello shoved forward and Matt shoved back. They were deadlocked for several seconds before the blond lashed out grabbing Matt fully by his hair dragging him forward in agitation.

He was almost thrown by the enraged blond. He managed to lock his leg around Mello's so the minute he attempted to throw the blond went with him. They landed in a heap Mello already in the process of punching Matt fiercely in the face. The red head reared up one hand clasped angrily around Mello's neck while the other was blocking the hits coming towards him in quick succession.

"Near. Go." He managed tightening his grasp around Mello's neck. "I'm tired of your bullshit Mello. I'll settle this shit right now." He thought he could hear the sound of Near patting across the floor back into his bedroom. Matt hoped that he locked the door if there was a lock.

Mello had somehow managed to break loose from the fight and was standing. His face was bloody but Matt couldn't immediately tell where the blood was coming from. He could tell that the blond was bleeding from somewhere. "Why does everything we do turn into a fucking fight?" The blond spat fiercely. He glanced over towards Near's bedroom and just as quickly back at Matt.

Matt pulled himself up, "I've been told I have a very sexy abrasive personality but I assure you it's toned down the minute you walk in. You're all brawn and abrasive." He watched his eyes. "I'm telling you Mello I won't let you lay a finger on Near. He didn't do anything to you."

Blue eyes had long ago narrowed into predatory hues. "Anything?" He questioned aloud. He almost sounded like he wanted to laugh but Matt knew better. "Near didn't do anything to me? You must be kidding." He seemed to be testing how hurt he was with slow deliberate movements. It didn't matter, Matt would stop him. "If I have to go through you to get to Near then I'll do it."

"No you won't." Matt's voice was final. "I don't want to hurt you Mello but I won't let you hurt someone who can't fight for themselves." The smirk riding his face told otherwise. "Okay bullshit, I want to keep kicking your ass. Come on."

The tension from Mello's shoulders seemed to drop as he stood straight, "And if I don't?" He questioned in seriousness. "Why are you protecting him?"

He gave the other a look that was a mixture of annoyance and questioning. "Are you serious? I like Near and nothing he said was wrong. I like his demeanor a lot more than yours. He's not running around here cursing and fighting people every few seconds because he's not going to get his way again. As a matter of fact I can tell you that even if Matt was here he wouldn't let you hurt Near. He's never let you hurt Near. Think about it."

Mello didn't want to hear it. His blood was still boiling but he was approaching this completely wrong. "I'm leaving." He replied simply watching the annoyance crease the others face. "Either I talk to my Matt or I'm leaving. I have no reason not to leave you here but I won't leave my best friend here alone with Near."

He sniggered, "What do you think Near is going to do to Matt? Hold him down and get him some?" He laughed quietly to himself hearing the door open behind him. "I'll let Near decide what I do. You go wait downstairs for his decision because if he says no I'm coming back to finish this fight."

Mello folded his arms, "I don't like being told what to do." He replied knowing he sounded childish. He gazed over Near who stood silent outside of his bedroom door watching the two. He didn't look scared in the least. He remembered days at Wammy house when he had gotten riled up and started throwing things. Near cowering in the corner until Matt came into the room to stop him. He had never attacked Near himself just the air around him, it pissed him off just as much. Did Near actually trust Matt to protect him because that would have to be literally the most stupid thing Near could do. If Mello wanted he could run through Matt any day. If that were true he would have been hiding now.

_Not if it was someone that he knew…_

Matt's words stung his ears as he moved towards the elevator. He didn't hear anything they said to him after he pushed the button.

_Not if it was someone that he knew…._

_After you left Matt left…_

_The time he moved with Near to take care of him…_

It had to be Near.

~xXx~

"You're hurt." Near's voice came calmly before the sound of footsteps echoed off the wall. He stopped a short distance watching Matt's expression go from fierce to gentle in seconds. He glanced over managing a crooked smile towards the other like it didn't matter. "I didn't need you to fight for me Matt."

He shook his head, "Not at all. I wanted to. I'm just glad I was up here so that he couldn't get to you." He saw something flash behind the eyes of the younger boy. He couldn't place the emotion but he was far too tired for that now. He almost wanted to say admiration but that's how Near felt for Mello not him. He didn't understand why the younger boy would want to be like Mello. "You want me to give him what he wants, right?"

Near stood stalk still for several seconds before glancing back up at Matt. "I do. I don't want him to leave." He said simply heading to the center of the room. "I can't watch him if he leaves Matt."

The red head glanced up running his fingers through his hair in slow deliberate movements. Near couldn't be sure if this was the exact ritual to get the usual Matt back but he couldn't look away. The hands dropped away and he just stood there staring up at the ceiling just like years ago when Near had caught him staring at the stars. He wanted to reach out to the other but it was too late.

"My fucking face hurts." Matt mumbled in his usual stoic voice before glancing over seeing Near sitting in the floor. He frowned his green eyes narrowing in anger. "You promised never to tell Mello. You promised Near."

Gray eyes watched the other with a smile. "I didn't tell Mello. I showed him. You never said I couldn't show him your other side." He watched the other think about it. "Loop hole."

He glared, "I know what it is. I've found enough of them in my life to know what they are. Mello probably hates me. I don't blame him. I'd hate me too."

Near shook his head, "He wants to see you but Matt…" His voice drifted off. The red head paused before he could reach the elevator. "Don't leave."

Matt sighed, "Is that it? You want me back here and that's why you forced Mello here with me?" He glanced over his shoulder suddenly looking much older. "Fine. I'll stay but you can't keep Mello locked here and I have a job to do. I can't just leave it." He stepped into the elevator disappearing downstairs.

Near smirked, "I wouldn't dream of it." He looked at the tiny figure in his hand with red hair and goggles. He toyed with it for several seconds before putting it into his shirt pocket where the figures of both the other Matt and Mello already were. "I wouldn't dream of it."

_**A special thanks to...:**_

_HeroofTwilight'sgf _

_Awesomenessknowsnobounds_

_And Guest/Anon. Thank you all so much. Your reviews make me want to update more. Anyway, I've posted a new cracked out story. It probably won't be long and was written at three in the morning tired from lack of sleep. It's meant to be funny so if you get a good laugh I'm happy. Check it out: Fix me right meow. Synopsis you say? Mello's a cat. Yeah, he's gotten turned into a cat. Matt is allergic and drama ensues.  
><em>


	36. Countdown

Authors note: So this is my favourite chapter. Hate me for it if you will but I seriously enjoyed writing this. I feel like the real Mello that's been hiding for so long has finally come out. It seriously makes me happy. If you missed the hints in the last few chapters it's here that Mello connects the dots. Read, review and enjoy.

Countdown

Mello closed his eyes but they opened immediately again. He still wanted to go up there and give Near a piece of his medicine but the idea that Matt would finally be back kept him sitting on the couch. His body ached in every sense of the word. He had no idea that the red head actually had it in him to throw a good fight. Apparently there was a lot in him that Mello didn't know about. He frowned at the idea.

_Near_. The idea reared up again, that it was the young white haired boy that Matt was with and it made him sick. Even if it wasn't true. Why would Matt not tell him all this time that he had went to live with Near? He just couldn't come up with an answer on his own. He stopped himself taking a deep breath. Matt and his counterpart had the same intelligence. The sick bastard knew where the idea would lead him to but he wasn't sure if it was a truthful lead or just something that the man wanted him to think to keep him off of Near's back. If he thought that would work he was dead wrong. He'd get to the end of this whether he liked the solution or not.

He felt like a kicked puppy sitting all alone in his room waiting for his owner to return and tell him it was okay. He should have never came here. He should have never thought about following Matt. He worked better without the constant stress of Near on his shoulder but with the young boy just sitting upstairs the idea of hurting him kept rearing up. It was kicking painfully at his thought process. If he just took out Near he could have everything that he wanted. No, not everything. He would certainly lose Matt. He leaned his head back against the chair. He could have bypassed all of this by asking Near to talk to him without Matt but it only occurred to him now. He hated that.

The smell of cigarette smoke reached Mello before the red head actually did. He looked pale and slightly relieved that it was Mello sitting on the couch. His counterpart didn't smoke or drink actually. He acted like a lunatic on his own without the hindrance of vices. He thought that seeing Matt would make him feel better, put him in some form of ease but that wasn't the case. He had so many burning questions he didn't trust himself to open his mouth.

"I walked in on the blond lady fresh out the shower." He said quietly his face hidden under long tresses of red hair. "It was a surprise, I'll give it that." He shook his head but Mello could tell despite how relaxed he was acting it was all fake. His shoulders were tensed with the idea of someone that was about to be hurt. His eyes were vigilant and intelligent instead of bored looking. He took in the mess of the room. He took in Mello's silence and he looked like he wanted to flee.

Mello didn't move his head even as Matt fixed the chair so that he could sit in it. He was across from the blond now but he still didn't move. In no situation was a speechless Mello a good, sane Mello.

The blond sighed softly almost in a tired way but he looked more awake then Matt had ever seen. "Did you think I wouldn't find out about him?" He questioned in full seriousness. His eyes hadn't narrowed to show that he was annoyed but his voice held an edge that made Matt want to disappear into the chair he was sitting in. "Do you know what he's like? Oh, of course you know what he's like. You know enough about him that you can mime him when you feel like it's necessary."

Matt frowned, "I had hoped that I would grow out of it but that wasn't the case."

The blond's fists clenched before he sneered, "Grow out of it? You don't grow out of another fucking personality Matt. Are you seriously that damn stupid or are you trying to play me for it? I'll come across this fucking table at you. I want the truth."

"I didn't want you to know." He replied seriously. "I didn't want anyone to find out about it. Especially you."

Mello's face twitched, "But Near found you out didn't he? Near found out something that I should have known years ago but you're much more secretive than I originally thought. Oh the things I've heard about you since you've left and your beloved other side has been paling around with Near. Tell me about Near, Matt."

Matt paled significantly more. "What do you mean?" He asked quietly looking down at his hands. "Near is the boy that entered Wammy house a few years after us and became number one."

Mello scoffed, "Let's try this again. Tell me about you and Near because I'd like to hear it from your mouth. If you don't want to tell me I could just go up and ask Near himself. Oh, well hell, I'm sure he's listening in. Enjoying yourself yet Near? Is this funny for you."

A quiet buzz was heard before Near's voice replied filling the room, "Mello misunderstands what Near believes is funny." His voice was soft.

Mello sat back, "Why don't you come down here and talk with us Near. I'm sure it's going to be very enlightening on my behalf."

"No."

Mello blinked, "Excuse you? I'm giving you a front row seat. You don't want it?"

"I do not wish to be in the room with Matt when he talks about me."

Mello smirked, "Looks like Near's leaving you in the cold Matty." His voice was mocking, angry, irritated in every sense of the word. "How about we come up to you Near? Would that be better?"

"No."

Matt put his head into his hands. He was shaking slightly Mello noticed with some satisfaction.

He held his hands up, "Well fine then Near you tell me about Matt."

Near was silent for several minutes and Mello frowned. If the boy was planning on lying now he was surely showing it. "Near and Matt are friends. Matt is like my brother." He replied after considerable thought.

Mello laughed quietly to himself, "Brothers? That's interesting. Explain to me how you were when Matt lived with you years ago."

Matt gasped but remained otherwise silent. It was Near that answered for them. "Matt came to live with Near at the discretion of Roger. Matt was lonely."

Mello glanced over at the red head. "Oh what, you didn't think I knew? So Near should we discuss your sexual history or should I say what I think happened?"

Near was silent. Minutes passed but the white haired boy didn't respond. Matt glanced up, "Mello it happened in the past."

"Shut the fuck up Mail." His voice was a deadly whisper. The red head sighed quietly. "Let's try this and tell me if it's true or not. I left Wammy house to capture Kira. With the death of L, Near takes over and has to leave Wammy house to capture Kira, right? Roger needs someone to go with Near because Near doesn't like new people, right?" He glanced at Matt but he wasn't looking at him. The red head was staring into space. "Who better to go with Near than Matt because he's feeling fucking dejected at the loss of his best friend. A best friend, I might add, that left Wammy house and Matt behind in it because Matt would be of no use or help. He was dead weight, useless…worthless." His eyes narrowed on the last word. Matt looked back down.

"Mello." Near's voice sounded strained. "That is not how you felt."

Mello held his hand up, "Don't you fucking tell me how I felt when I left Near. L failed and it was our place to take over in his steed but of course Matt doesn't know about that. He was third. Always conveniently third. He wasn't in the running for L's position and so he was overlooked. But he shouldn't have been overlooked at all because Mail Jeevas is a master motherfucking manipulator, right Matt?"

Matt shook his head slowly but his eyes never left the wall.

"So Matt leaves Wammy house with Near still feeling dejected, lonely and because he's a whiny bitch, abandoned. Instead of crawling into a hole he decided to shack up with the one person in the world I hate more than Kira. Near, he decided to move in and take care of Near. The only person in the world that I want to shoot in the face multiple times and I wouldn't care about my immortal soul." He stood stalking across the room towards the red head. He snatched his hair roughly pulling his head back so that the redhead would look at him. He wasn't crying like he originally thought. He was actually just watching him blankly, completely shutdown. "And what did Matt do while with Near? Anyone mind answering that question? Near, you wanted to talk shit earlier. Tell me, what did you do with Matt?"

Near once again remained silent. "Mello, stop it." Matt stood up shaking his head towards the other.

Mello glared, "No Matt sit down. I'm not done talking." He watched the red head pause for several seconds. "Would you be so kind as to answer my question?"

"It doesn't matter." Matt whispered softly. He was facing the door standing stalk still. "It's none of your business what I did when you weren't here and it's none of your business what I do now. We don't date Mello."

Mello's mouth twitched, "I thought that's what you wanted. Or has everything changed because I know about you now."

"Mello, you don't know shit about me." Matt's voice came out harshly while Near said at the same time, "Mello you're being jealous."

Mello laughed, humorlessly in a loud, cold way. There was no mirth in his movements, "I know more about you now that I ever have Matty and I don't like it." He stood there watching the red head before it finally clicked what Near has said from behind. "Near there will never be a fucking day of my life where I'm jealous of you. Never."

Near's voice held humor despite the situation. "That's fine Mello then you shouldn't worry about Matt and me." The way he voiced the words sent a shiver through Mello. He glanced at the door where Matt still stood not looking at him.

Mello's fists clenched. "Of course. I should butt out right Matt? That's what you wanted."

"That's never what I wanted Mello." He shook his head slowly staring at the ceiling. "But now I want you to stay away from me. I'm a master fucking manipulator, right? I can pull you and Near along on a damn string better than anyone else. It's best if we part ways now. I don't know what you owe Near but I'm leaving. I never asked to stay here."

Mello sneered, "You can't leave here because you're under my care." His voice was cut off and distant. "So you're telling me it's true?"

The red head shrugged. "I guess you could say that. If you really wanted but I'm tired of this Mello. I'm tired of what we were trying to be. I regret every second of it." The blond was silent. The words stung worse than any cut he'd ever received. "So let's leave it behind and from now on I'll live my life and you'll live yours." He didn't give the blond a chance to accept or decline. Mello wasn't even sure which he would have done. "Near, I'm coming up."

"Okay." The voice was soft and void of any emotion now. "You're welcome up here now Mello."

Mello glared knowing the boy could see him. "Shut the fuck up Near. I don't want to be anywhere near you right now." He stomped off towards the bedroom slamming the door behind himself.

xXx

Near slid back in the chair, the room devoid of any sound. "Sour because I won Mello?" He questioned aloud picking up the figure in his pocket the represented Mello. He toyed with it for several seconds before beheading it and tossing it in front of him. "It's all fair game Mello but you won't get him back until I say it's time. Say goodbye Mello."

_A special thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter: _

_Awesomenessknowsnobounds_

_Carottal _

_HeroofTwilight'sgf_

**_Thank you guys for being so kind and taking the time to review. _**


	37. Treasured

Authors note: I've been super busy getting ready to go back to school. A lot of stuff has happened and through all of that I've been able to finish this chapter. Hopefully I'll be able to post the next chapter before I'm out and without Internet again. So please read, review and enjoy.

Treasured

"Near have you eaten today?" Matt's voice was lighter than it had been in past days. It had been nearly two weeks since the fight with Mello and he had been alternating his time here with Near and back at his base where they were sure Kira was hiding. The red head hadn't mentioned anything of significant detail since he returned besides that the group trusted him slightly more since he rewrote the whole system for them. It was good that they were so accepting. Mello sat a few chairs away watching the monitors with a dull expression and taking down notes like he always did to make decisions. The two of them hadn't spoken a word since two weeks ago.

Near spun in the chair holding the figure of Matt in his hand. He had been questioned about it a few days prior by Matt who seemed to feel special Near went through the trouble of making one of him. That was, of course, before he dropped his cigarette and found the decapitated version of Mello that lay just under the sea of monitors. When asked about that one he merely said, 'he broke.' Matt didn't question it and Near didn't give details.

It was now that the blond slowly glanced over to watch the two of them together. He had spent whole days thinking about it. He couldn't get the idea that he had lost to Near out of his head. If he told himself he didn't want Matt back at his side he knew he was lying to himself. If he told himself that this was just a phase it didn't change anything he would also be lying. Matt had completely thrown their friendship away and he felt lonely. He felt betrayed and in the end it was all his fault. He just wanted a few minutes alone with Matt to be able to at least apologize but Near had made that impossible. He scowled coldly. He was making it so that he couldn't get Matt back and he had to talk to him before his other side came back. Near with Matt's other side was like an impenetrable wall.

He barely noticed that the two were talking in front of him. They never talked in front of him. If anything their words were few and far between unless it looked like he was leaving the room. They both knew he had too much pride to make it known that he was listening in on them. It seemed like they had finally stopped caring now.

Matt was holding a multi-grain bar in front of the boy's face with a wistful smile on his face. He grinned when Near snatched it and turned back around in his chair. He slid into the chair bedside the white haired boy continuing their conversation.

"I asked you if he had an actual name." Near was repeating taking a bite of the bar and then looking down at it unfavorably.

Matt shrugged, "I would guess Matt." He replied lightly laying his head down on the controls. "If I'm Mail then his rightful name would have to be Matt." He watched Near think about it. "Unless he gave himself a name and he never told it to anyone." He wasn't wearing his goggles most likely because of the crack in them. Near continued to stare blankly. "What? You like him or something."

"No." Near's voice held humor in it but he didn't smile. At the distance Mello coughed. He glanced over watching the other with tired eyes but the blond looked completely refreshed. "Is there a problem Mello?"

He looked away back at the monitors. "Nope. Unless you think there is?" Near shrugged one shoulder his other hand was now holding Matt's lightly. Mello sneered but turned away completely from the both of them. "They haven't said anything to you about the case Matt? I thought that they were beginning to trust you or something." He mumbled a string of things under his breath but they were repressed by the air conditioner in the room.

"They haven't said anything Mello." His voice was light but it was coldly directed towards the other. "I thought you weren't talking to me anymore?" He felt like he was seven again and Mello was upset because he wouldn't give him the chocolate cake on his plate. He remembered when that was the worst thing he could have did to Mello.

The blond frowned, "I don't know where you got that idea." He replied in the same crisp voice that he used instead of complete sarcasm. "Maybe Near's been doing his best to keep me from talking to you."

Matt frowned, "We both know that's not true. Come on Mello, grow up." He watched the others fist tighten and bristled. He wasn't in the mood to fight the blond right now but he simply released it and turned back towards the monitors. "I'm sorry Mell."

Near frowned slightly turning his head so the other two couldn't see his face. Mello glanced over once more, "About?"

Matt shrugged, "Everything. I don't think we should be friends anymore but I apologize if you feel like I betrayed you somehow."

Mello sneered, "Betrayed? To betray someone you have to trust them. Matt, you're nothing but failed competition to me. As far as I'm concerned we were never friends and we never will be. Don't worry about it, I don't need your apologies. All I want is to get this finished so I can go home and probably move somewhere else." Mello felt his body tense at his own words. Why was he still trying to hurt Matt? Why was he saying these things when all he wanted was to have the red head back there with him? He truly was an idiot. He truly didn't understand any of this…friendship but he knew he didn't want it to end.

"Matt is always welcome here with me." Near spoke quietly still keeping his face turned away.

The red head was silent for several minutes staring at the blond who was actively lost in his own world. "Yeah, I may take you up on that Near."

~*xXx*~

"Thank you for coming on such short notice." Raito took a seat on the opposite side of the table the red head already sat at. The other looked stressed, almost to his breaking point as he stared at him. His eyes held dark rings under them and he seemed perpetually tired. He almost thought about telling him to go back to the room and get some sleep but this was more important. Matt would have plenty of time to sleep in his new world. Until then there would be nothing but push and no one was safe. "There are something's that I wanted to talk to you about alone."

Matt flashed a smile but it didn't reach his eyes. He almost looked sickly. He had been spending long times either locked away in his room or gone to a place where Raito had yet been about to follow him to. He would have asked but at this point that would be overstepping his boundaries. "It's no problem at all." He replied not looking up at the other. He kept his gaze locked squarely on his hands but the other did note the lack of goggles to cover his face. He looked lost and slightly out of place. He couldn't help but smile at that. "What's the problem?"

The brown haired man smiled, "No problem. I just thought that maybe it would do you some good to get away." He offered noticing the look of surprise on the others face. "I don't know where it is that you go but it's not doing well for your health." The red head looked up locking eyes with him. The emerald orbs bespoke of so much intelligence that Raito wanted to pick his mind. He wanted to divulge everything to him. He wanted to make the red head his so that everything that passed between them would be their secrets. It would be between them, and Raito though King, would not feel alone.

Matt made a choked sound and alarmed the other but it was a laugh. He shook his head slightly, "My family is caught in a huge argument that started with me. I have to make sure they're not killing themselves or each other every seven seconds." He took a sip of the water he had ordered before the brown haired man had arrived. "I'll be fine once everything is over."

_You have no idea…_

Raito shook his head, "sometimes it's better to just let family fight. They love each other right?" The look that the red head gave him almost made him cringe. "Or not. I guess they don't love each other?" Matt shook his head slowly taking another long sip. "Well either way it's best to intervene only when it's needed. If they truly cared they wouldn't be running you down like this."

Matt shrugged lightly. "Maybe. They're like my kids."

He nodded, he didn't know what that felt like but he could only guess that's the same feeling he felt for Misa. "Maybe you should get away for a while. If you'd like we can go together. Maybe to the beach?"

Matt laughed again, "you want to go to the beach with me?"

Raito leaned back, "If you want you can think of it as a date. If it makes you feel more comfortable." He watched the others mouth open before closing. He had caught him off guard in the best way possible. The blush crept from the exposed part of his collar up to his cheeks. "I'd like to get to know you more unless you want to turn me down?"

Matt shook his head. "Um no but my family…"

Raito reached forward and took the others hand. "Can wait." He finished for him. "Take some time out to de-stress." He knew he basically had this in the bag. Only an idiot would turn him down.

"Oh." Was Matt's only response.

~*xXx*~

"Da fuck you mean you're going to the beach?" Mello's voice rose several octaves. Nearby Near sat twirling his hair listening in. "Don't you comprehend that we're working our asses off to catch Kira and you're going to the motherfucking beach? Fuck that shit, bring your ass back over here." He was silent for several minutes before nearly erupting. "What the fuck do you mean that you don't have to listen to shit I say? I swear for God Matt I'll make you pay for saying that. I don't give a fuck if we're not friends anymore. As far as I'm concerned you're still my bitch." He threw the phone abruptly in Near's direction.

The white haired boy almost had to jump from the chair to avoid being hit but luckily due to Mello's anger his aim was off. He reached forward taking the phone, "I'll take care of Mello. Have fun Matt." He said simply ignoring the sound of Mello slamming his fists on the keyboard. He hung the phone up.

"What do you mean take care of me?" Mello hissed looking like he was ready to spring.

Near shifted, "Go pack Mello. We're going to the beach."

* * *

><p><em>A special thanks goes to...<em>

_bloo buscus: I love Near and he's turning into one of my more complex characters and more evil also. _

_Carottal: Mello's just getting started. If you think he's been bad so far he's getting ready for more. _

_Awesomenessknowsnobounds: Near's working things the only way he knows how. He has reasoning behind everything but it'll slowly be revealed. The best you can do is look for subtle hints in the way he acts towards the different characters. __  
><em>

_Teenage-Vampire-Girl: Thank you so much for reading! This is going to sound crazy but I can't read my own work. Thanks for doing it for me! Matt two will be returning...eventually. _

_Guest: I know exactly what you mean. Thank you for reading.  
><em>

_**Thank you to all the people who reviewed and read the last chapters. Please keep it up and I promise to keep the chapters rolling out! **  
><em>


	38. Puppeteer

Authors note: So here is a long chapter for you because...well I'm leaving for a while frankly. This might very well be my last update for about a month. It may be more or it may be less. I'm not sure but certainly the next twoish weeks. I'm moving and when I do I won't have internet to be able to do anything. It's coolio, I usually come back. I'm to a rage quitter. Yay? Anyhow, here is the infamous flashback chapter of THE PAST TIME OF THE PAST TIME! It actually brings more questions than it does answers as most of the things that I write do. For that I apologize. Sooo, thank you to everyone that has review I wish more of you would. I miss ten reviews on a chapter, that was pretty awesome. Feel free to send me a message. I'll happily respond to it. So, as per usual read, review and enjoy.

Puppeteer

Roger wasn't accustomed to the boy that sat in front of him right now. Sure, he was used to Matt but he was used to Matt with Mello. This sad individual was no longer that person. His usual stoic, cool and blank mannerisms had been replaced with stark nothingness. His eyes had lost their gleam, he had discarded his goggles for wherever and he looked much paler than he was used to. It was frightening, it was worrisome but that wasn't Roger's problem. He knew why it had all happened but even going through all his books written about Mello and his different case studies he never would have believed that the blond would leave and discard the red head completely. Enter this young boy in front of him now.

In the end it all worked out in his favour. Matt no longer wanted to revisit the rooms and places that he had been with Mello. The look on his face was enough, if anything Roger tried to offer that unless Mello came back he would be number two. He turned his blank eyes on him and smiled sadly and it chilled Roger more than anything he had seen before. This child had his spirit broken. There was nothing left but pieces and that was the most frightening.

"Matt?" He questioned aloud watching the red head glance up from looking at his hands. They didn't hold anything and he wasn't jittering as usual if anything he appeared normal, dulled almost. "I have a request for you now that Mello is no longer within the institution. I had wanted to ask you since L passed a few days ago but the idea that you wouldn't leave Mello kept coming to mind." He slid the cup of tea forward towards the boy but he continued to stare down at his hands. "Now that Near is the new L he must leave Wammy house and begin life as L. With that comes quite a bit of responsibility and I was hoping that you would go with him. If you do go of course any of your demands will be met. It is, if anything else, a favour for me."

Matt shrugged lightly, "I don't require anything. I'll go." He slid off the chair dropping to the floor and turned his back away. Roger watched in slight confusion as the boy ran his fingers through his hair a few times as if that would change something. "Don't worry about it old man, I'll go back and be ready at the end of the day." His voice now held humor in it but Roger decided not to touch it. If Matt was agreeing to go then maybe just maybe he wouldn't have to study what was happening to him.

"Of course." He replied lightly watching the boy leave and shut the door behind himself.

~*xXx*~

_"You're one mopy motherfucker did you know that? I mean really? Of all the people that you think you should be upset with leaving you and you decide that Mello is your best bet. I told you for years that the fucker was unstable and really, really annoying. Plus, it wasn't like you ran him out. Actually he left on his own and I say good riddance." _

Matt frowned stuffing things into his suitcase. Roger had it brought to him as Mello had taken his old ones. "That's not why I'm upset." He replied aloud keeping his head down as to hide the tears forming. He couldn't fathom from whom. He knew himself and even on the inside he knew he was crying.

_"Is it because you love him?" _He offered blankly. _"Which once again is a very, very bad decision." _

Matt sighed, "There is nothing wrong with Mello. He just has so many emotions running through him that he thinks he should act on them when he shouldn't." He shook his head slowly before sitting on the suitcase remembering when he had done just this when Mello had left to go spend time with L. The blond had been so excited. How had things ended up like this? And now he was going to live with Mello's worse enemy.

_"You're crossing the line by going to live with Near. I don't mind though so I think we should go. In the end maybe living with Near will get you over your depression. If you just throw yourself into working with him then maybe everything else will go away. As for Mello there's plenty wrong with him. He uses people. He whines. He's annoying. He whines. He gets angry for no reason. You've had to stop him from physically putting his hands on a boy two times smaller than him because he's jealous of him. I mean, really? Near's harmless to everyone." _

Matt finished the zipper, "Physically." He mumbled. "And you have to admit Near isn't as innocent in the fight between Mello and him as much as he makes it seem. Near's more underhanded than anyone that I've ever met. I mean, he's never directed it at me…"

_"Because you're third. You let Mello take all the heat for you instead of becoming number two you decided to slack off. That way Mello being number two hid you from Near's wrath and you got to keep Mello for that short period of time and jizz yourself over him. He's not worth it by the way. He kind of looks like a chick and when he gets manic it's some scary shit. His expressions make the younger kids cry."_

"Mello is not scary." He was trying a defense for the other boy but he didn't know why.

_"I know how you feel. I know what you think. I know everything about you, even the things that you don't know about yourself Matt. Do you really think you can sit here and tell me that you're not afraid of Mello? That his outbursts and violence have never made you think twice about your own feelings for him. That the only reason that you stayed by his side is because you love him or at least you think you love him." _

Matt paused, "Do I?" He questioned hearing the door open behind him.

_"Do you?" _

"Matt, it's time." Roger's voice was nearly silent under all the questions now buzzing through his head. "Near is waiting in the car."

~*xXx*~

"Have you even tried to eat anything?" Matt asked from his chair across the room from the small playing boy. He had been sitting there for hours playing with his times, from time to time he would glance up at the sea of monitors but he never said anything. He seemed to be lost in his own world and Matt was just fine with that. He didn't have much to say to him anyway but as long as he stayed here he would certainly do the job that he was supposed to do.

When the boy didn't respond immediately Matt stood with an audible creak and headed towards the elevator only to return minutes later with a few bananas, apples and juice boxes for the small boy. He dropped to his knees right beside the boy.

Near glanced up and blinked. "What?"

Matt shoved a banana in his face, "Food. Eat it or else." He watched the other with a blank face. Sometimes he wondered what it must feel like to be Near but he never asked. That would certainly be too strange and all the while it was nothing but another trigger to make Mello go crazy.

Near didn't take the banana. Instead he turned his back slightly and continued to play with his toys. Two could play at that game as far as Matt was concerned. Anyway he looked at it he wasn't the only person that felt bad that Mello had left in the way that he did. Near hadn't been the same since they came here but he would have to get over it. Matt had to get over it too and if anything they could do it together. He reached forward snatching the action figures out of the boy's hands before turning and beginning to take down everything that Near had built in the last few hours.

The boy gaped for several seconds before frowning. "Stop." Matt continued gesturing towards the food and juice he had brought. "Matt, stop it." He continued going die by die until the boy gave in. He heard a sigh before the banana was picked up by Near. He slowly, methodically began to peal it. It didn't matter as long as he ate it like he was supposed to.

"You're not the only person hurting Near." Matt's voice was tight as he spoke. He hadn't said Mello's name aloud since he had left. The idea left him cold and he almost felt as if the name itself could choke him. "I know that Mello's gone but that doesn't mean that you have to discard your duties. L left this for you, for us and even if Mell's not here I am. I'm here."

Near stared at him for several seconds tilting his head to the side. "Do you really mean that? You're never fully here, are you Matt?"

The red head frowned, "What are you talking about?" He already knew but he didn't want to admit it aloud. He never wanted to talk about that night again but here alone with Near he knew it would have been brought up sooner or later. He rather it would have been later than sooner.

"Wouldn't you possessing a second personality mean that something inside of you is fractured?" He questioned aloud. The red head frowned, he never really thought about it like that. "Was it Mello?"

"No." He replied instantly. He couldn't remember how his other side had been created but he knew that it wasn't Mello that did it. "I don't know how it happened."

Near had eaten half the banana at this point and discarded the rest. "If you don't know how it happened then how do you know it's not Mello that did it?"

Matt forced a smile, "Because it happened before I met Mello." He replied seriously. "You know, emotional trauma and all that jazz." He winced at the flippancy of his own voice. "Not that it's a problem. Nothing is wrong with me."

Near shrugged, "He's your opposite." He replied matter of factly.

Matt nodded, "I know. Trust me." He stood completely missing the look that passed over the other boys face. "Drink your juice also." He dropped the toys back in front of the boy. "Be good Near."

~*xXx*~

Matt spun in the chair keeping his gaze resting squarely on the far wall. The several individuals in the room 'guarding' it weren't paying him much attention though they never really did. He was trusted by Near and that was enough for him. If anything they should at least be polite despite Near being their golden child. Who gave a fuck anyway?

He could hear the patter of Near's footfalls before he entered the room. Before the door even opened he reached up and pulled the rubber band out of his hair allowing his hair to fall over his face like Matt would. He had to do everything just like Matt. If he did it certainly made things easier and usually there would be a shitload of less questions. Needless to say he didn't need any more of those after spending years dodging Roger.

The door slid open and there was Near sluggishly moved his way inside but he didn't fool Matt. He was analyzing every little thing before he sat on the floor. His eyes rested on the red head for several seconds before he stopped in the middle of the floor. He cocked his head to the side forming conclusions. They were almost tangible. So much for attempting to keep the questions on the low. He never got what he wanted.

"What should I call you?" Near asked keeping his place at the distance as if he were dangerous. He almost laughed at that. If he had wanted to get Near he would have done it the last time they met. Lucky for him if was Mello that Near was after and not Matt. He would remove anyone else that would try to hurt Matt, Mello included.

"Matt." He replied simply crossing his legs in the chair. Despite that he took his hair out he had incidentally not bothered with keeping Matt as Matt. The goggles were discarded somewhere unknown. Instead of loose fitting jeans he was wearing a pair of slacks and a nice shirt that looked almost as if it were ironed this morning. "I'm Matt. He is Matt. We are Matt." He replied simply.

Near nodded slowly, "I see. Are you here for a reason in particular?"

The chilling smile cross the others lips, "Matt needed a break." He replied simply waving lightly towards Near. "It's been a while, hasn't it? Still as adorable as ever."

The boy straightened up slightly, "Is Matt still depressed about Mello?"

He shrugged, "A bit. Thank you for pretending like you cared to ease his pain." He flashed the boy a softer smile. "For the sake of Matt no less. To think Mello went on about how you can't care for anyone. That's not true, right?"

Near frowned, "I can."

He nodded, "Like Matt, the only person capable of holding Mello off. The only person that sacrificed himself for you." The boy didn't respond so he continued. "So you voiced a 'fear' of leaving Wammy house alone knowing that Roger would send someone with you to make you more comfortable. Because it couldn't be Roger himself because he has to care for the remaining students the only reasonable person to send with you would be Matt. Why? Because he's dejected over being left by Mello and wants to be taken away from that place." He chuckled. "You played the game and you played to win."

An expression passed over Near's face before disappearing quickly. "If you can't play to win then you shouldn't play at all."

Matt pushed himself up, "I couldn't have said it better. Too bad for you I play for keeps. If you want Matt you have to go through me but I don't have anything against you personally so do whatever you think is right." He shrugged slightly. "You have to remember Mello is never fully out of the picture. Matt will never fully let him go."

~*xXx*~

Matt rolled over, red hair brushed something else. He jerked back automatically, it wouldn't have been strange had he been at Wammy house. Mello was known to crawl into bed with him sometimes and vice versa but he didn't remember Mello even being around. With further examination he remembered that Mello had discarded him. He had left him and now he was working with Near, well with wasn't the right phrasing. He was working for Near without pay. He just spent endless hours watching him, and taking care of him.

He sat up feeling around for his goggles. He couldn't remember anything. He remembered going to bed. In his own bed but this wasn't his bed. It was softer, to fit the comfort of someone else. It was wider. He frowned easing the blankets back to find the smaller paler boy curled into a small ball and frowned.

_"What did you do?" _Matt spoke frantically in his head. _"What?" _

The response came lightly, " **Nothing. I didn't do anything. You did it. Not me.**"

He nearly fainted at the words. _"But I don't remember doing anything. I didn't do anything. You're lying!" _

**"You can call me a liar. If you like I'll call myself a liar but it doesn't make me any less true. You are me. I am you. We are one. What I do, you do. What you do, I do or so I've come to know." **

Near shifted sitting up himself before glancing at the red head beside him. His face was as blank as usual but it was almost as if he were waiting for something. "Matt?"

The red head winced, "Yeah?" He felt awkward. He felt out of place and mostly he felt confused. He had never had to be in this kind of situation. He didn't even remember anything that could have happened last night.

"You look scared." His voice wavered before he looked away. "Would you like to know?"

"No!" The red head struggled to keep himself from screaming. "No, Near. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

Again Near tilted his head. "Why? All you did was share my bed." A flicker of a smirk appeared. "I was afraid of the storm and you offered to sleep with me."

He blinked several times before sighing gently. "Of course. Of course I did, I mean that's what I'm supposed to do, right?" He laughed quietly to himself. His other side was a sick bastard. This wasn't funny.

"What did you believe happened?" He questioned as the red head shrugged pulling him into a hug. "Why?"

Matt sighed, "I'm just happy to see you Near." He slid off the bed finding a discarded dress shirt and slipping it back on. "Make sure you eat before I get back."

"Of course."

He nodded sliding out the door without another word.

Near frowned instantly. "Is it okay to lie to make you feel better?" He questioned aloud to himself. "I'll lie only for a while Matt." He smirked. "I promise."

~*xXx*~

"Mello?" Near's voice was leveled as he glanced up from his dice towers to look at the red head at the door. "You're leaving me for Mello?" He asked aloud watching the red head shrug slightly at the idea. "I see."

He frowned, "We've been here for years Near, I'm sure you can do okay on your own." He attempted quietly. "I'll visit when I can."

The white haired boy shrugged. "It's fine Matt. You may leave, I can live alone fine now." He heard the sound of doors closing before rolling a die in between his fingers. He frowned to himself shooting the die out of his finger and onto the towering castle he had created with them. It toppled in a cascading motion leaving none standing. "Goodbye Matt."

~*xXx*~

Mello hadn't even arrived early so the fact that Matt was later than later was just plain bullshit. He wasn't quite sure what he expected of the red head but it certainly wasn't to be this late. He leaned against the door not wanting to go in without the other. Get an apartment together he said. It would be nice to live together again he said and then the asshole doesn't show up until he feels like it.

He frowned when he saw elevator doors open and the red head come strolling out. He tried to keep the excitement out of his face by looking away. "You're late. Where the fuck were you?"

Matt shrugged, "Talking to a friend." He replied as Mello stuck the key in the door.

The blond shook his head, "A friend, yeah right."


	39. Thy enemy is my best friend

Authors note: So here's the update. It's been a while and it may be so before the next update. Sorry, school is more important. I'm swamped with work. I guess the upcoming chapters will develop the five wayish thing going on and reveal the origins of Matt2, or Matt's other personality. Which ever you wanna call him. Anyway read, review and please do enjoy.

Thy enemy is my best friend

Near and Mello weren't allowed on the beach. Why? Because Matt was on the beach and he wasn't to know that they were there. Instead they were stuck on a balcony together overlooking the beach, Matt and his mysterious companion with his arm around Matt. It boiled Mello's soul that someone other than himself was touching Matt but he couldn't risk their cover. He could never risk their cover, well maybe if the time was right he might be able to get Matt alone and finally be able to talk to him.

This whole trip was nothing but a side track to everything they had been working on for so long. Near was perched under a large umbrella holding several figures in his hands but they were turned away from Mello. Besides he didn't want to look at the little freak long enough for him to notice that he was paying him attention. He shook his head slightly using the binoculars to zero in on the two again.

A month ago if you would have told Mello that he would be sitting directly beside Near and not be trying to kill him he would have shot you in the face. If you would have told him that him and Matt would no longer be friends anymore because Matt walked away he would have shot you again…twice. Mello felt horrible, more than horrible but he be damned if he let Near knew how he felt. Therefore he was using make up to cover up the dark lines under his eyes from sleepless nights and he had been eating a constant amount of chocolate and snapping it loudly to upset the white haired boy. Though if Near was paying any attention he didn't say anything nor make a move to tell Mello to stop.

A slightly triumphant smile appeared on Mello's lips. Near hadn't done anything to cross him since they had gotten here which means that white haired boy had remained completely and totally silent. Mello could care less as long as the boy didn't talk to him.

Beside him Near shifted staring blandly into space. Mello couldn't tell by side glances if the boy was actually watching Matt or not but he assumed that he also was. The thing that freaked Mello out the most is that it always appeared that Near didn't have emotions. The only times he had actually seen the boy smile was when he was talking to Matt and as far as he knew Matt hadn't had contact with either one of them since leaving.

~*xXx*~

Cool was the best way to describe the sand on the beach. It probably should have been hot but sitting under the umbrella that Raito had brought out had helped that quite a bit. In the distances the waves crashed against the sand sending ocean spray into the air and giving it a salty taste. The family sitting not too far away from them quietly made sandcastles while their children frolicked in the smaller waves running intensely from the larger ones. Matt only watched quietly from his seat, what else was he to do?

Beside him Raito had placed his arm around shoulder and he inwardly felt as if he should brush it off. He didn't. Instead he occupied himself by not looking at the man beside him. He had never had someone interested in him before and he wasn't exactly sure how Mello would react to something like that. 'Yeah Mell, you know I tried it on with you and it didn't work out because you're an egotistic crybaby that can't iron out his own feelings without replacing them with religion but I've found this new guy and he's pretty cool. So yeah, I'm going to try it on with him instead, is that cool with you? No? Well too damn bad we're not friends anymore.' He cringed at the very mental imagine of a starkly pissed off Mello hearing that message and decided to store it away. It could never be heard by human ears lest Mello become even more of a murderer.

"Do you like the beach Matt?" Raito's voice calming, almost too calming and it usually put Matt on edge. Unfortunately he was at the beach and the whole point was to relax. He still hadn't achieved that manner of relaxation that Raito had bummed. The man was lying back with his arm draped around the other man, golden brown eyes observed everything in a quick succession but Matt but his voice was languid and smooth as if it were all just a dream. "I thought that maybe it would relax you enough because of your family issues."

Matt snorted, "That's one thing to call them." He replied but the word family sent a hard shock to his core. He tensed momentarily before forcing himself to relax. He wasn't even sure why he had that kind of reaction. Maybe it was because the only person he considered as family he no longer really talked to. It had only been a few weeks but that he been enough. It was actually more encouragement that Matt was willing to admit that he was able to move out from under Mello's tense grasp and possibly move on. "It's nice, thank you for considering me." He replied lightly.

The brown haired man glanced over finally taking in Matt's pale almost lucid skin in contrast to his red hair. Under the sun tinted goggles green eyes watched the world with so much intelligence. He had hoped that maybe the red head would let down his guard a bit so that they could have an actual conversation. Being alone was such a problem especially in a world where he couldn't trust anyone, ever. Matt was no difference. No, that was wrong; Matt was different because he wanted to trust Matt. He really did. "Don't worry about it. This is a chance for you to let loose and finally get the rest that we've both needed."

Matt smiled slightly, "Maybe you're right." He leaned back allowing his body to get some well-deserved sun.

~*xXx*~

Did Mello actually believe that Near didn't see him watching him from the corners of his eyes? He could, quite easily actually. His gaze didn't even need to drift sideways in order for him to figure that much out but Mello was the last thing on his mind. Matt was sitting down there by the beach. Yes, Matt, not his counterpart that had waltzed his way into all their lives leaving nothing but mystery and annoyance in his wake.

The other half of Matt never gave reasoning for his existence. He never questioned the actions of anyone and yet he was so intensely aware of Near's feelings and Mello's true feelings that it unnerved Near to even think about it. That night all those years ago when he first met that man, or that part of that man…if he would have known what this all would have led to…

He shifted slightly keeping his gaze rested on the distance so that he could think better. If Watari, Roger and L knew of the existence of Matt's other half they never let on. He was allowed in the general population with the rest of the students. Maybe Matt was some form of social experiment gone wrong. The reasoning of his other side wasn't clear nor was his formation. If Near had to really question it he would chalk it up to Mello's mental abuse but he remembered strictly being told that it was not Mello that created him. Some form of painful past has split the man into two people, nearly polar opposites of each other. One serves as the protector and the other serves as the one to be protected.

His fist clenched roughly. Nothing added up and it annoyed him. "Mello, stop staring at me." The blond's shoulders tensed for a second before he fully turned his head a sneer readily on his lips.

"What the hell makes you think that I would waste my time looking at you?" He hissed coolly. "We're supposed to be watching Matt, right?"

Near blinked, his head slowly turning his head to look at Mello. "No. We're supposed to be relaxing." By the sound of his voice Mello couldn't rightly tell if he was being sarcastic or serious.

Instead he just sat back and glanced back over to Matt who was packing up. He scowled. They were apparently in some hotel under assumed names and Near hadn't bothered figuring out which one. He kept mumbling something about Mello's jealousy being the reason why things would have never worked out. He bit his lip to keep from yelling right now.

"Oh fuck this." He threw his hands up storming from the balcony. Near remained shaking his head wearily. Something about this didn't sit too well with him. Then again, nothing usually did.

~*xXx*~

Raito sat quietly on the bed in the hotel room. Matt hadn't seemed to have too much opposition to them rooming together on the trip which bode well for what he needed to happen. The red head was in the shower washing off sand and dirt. Inwardly he wished he would have asked if Matt needed help but that would be taking steps too quickly. Matt had to be the one. He just had to be.

His eyes snapped to attention when the red head came strolling out of the bathroom. Green eyes blinked belaying so much intelligence Raito wanted to take him then and there. He wore a black silk Chinese shirt buttoned down to the naval and a pair of slacks. It seemed a bit off from his usual attire but Raito wouldn't object to a bit of skin.

"Good shower?" He asked aloud watching the man fold his dirty clothes piece by piece and placing them back into the suit case. All except for the goggles that he sat out in plain sight.

Matt glanced up, "The best. You look apprehensive." He said sliding into the seat across from Raito without asking. "What's up?"

Raito opened his mouth wishing he would have rehearsed something hours ago. It all seemed so simple back then and now that he had to do it he was worried it wouldn't come out the wrong way. He took down the likes of L and he was worried about getting tongue tied in front of this man. "That's not it. I wanted to talk to you Matt. You have a brilliant mind, good looks and everything that I've actively searched for."

Matt blinked, nonplused. "You want to date me?" He questioned aloud a slow smile spread over his lips. The brown haired man returned the smile. A million thoughts passed through Matt's mind but his other side would have to deal. "I don't see why we can't." He said aloud allowing Raito to take his hand. Near would be proud.

~*xXx*~

"Nope." Matt's voice was tired and slightly annoyed. He stood outside at three in the morning talking to Near and Mello apparently on a damn party line. "Why can't this wait until the morning?" He questioned. There was no way they could have known about what he did…well almost. If they had bugged the room they definitely would know. Unfortunately this didn't seem to be the case.

Near's voice was deadpan. "It is customary to check upon individuals that you are close with. Mello charged his way in, as usual."

"Shut the fuck up Near. Don't pretend like you're fucking golden." He growled. "I can get to you in a matter of seconds.

Matt shook his head, "I don't care or understand what's going on between the two of you though I would say that sex would get rid of all that tension." The silence that filled the phone almost made him laugh. "I just got laid, I don't see why you two can't put your differences apart for a few minutes and do it. Really helps."

Mello snarled, "Sex? With whom?"

Matt took perverse enjoyment in this. "Why, Matt's boyfriend of course. It was pretty nice, didn't live up to a certain someone I've played with before but I won't name names." He sniggered. "Right Near?"

"Right." The white haired boy replied softly.

Mello sounded furious, so much so you could hear him in the background of Near's phone also. "What the fucking fuck is going on?"

"Mello calm down." Near's voice sounded tight.

"Shut the fuck up Near. This is bullshit! Motherfucking bullshit."

Matt shook his head, "You're right. This is bullshit, it's early in the morning. I'm going back to sleep. Good night Near." The response never came. The phone was simply hung up.


	40. Equivalent exchange

Authors note: I'm supposed to be working and I'm about to get back to here. Just so you know that I'm not forgetting about you here is a new chapter. it's a flashback, sue me. Everyone wanted to know where Matt's other half came from here it is. Feel free to message me, I'll reply when I can. Thanks for reading and I apologize for errors. I haven't read over it and I was in a rush. Here it is. Read, review and enjoy.

Equivalent exchange

The thumping had been going on for nearly an hour. During this time Mail had learned from past experiences and crawled under his bed, covered his eyes and put his hands over his ears. Daddy was home again and Mother had changed the locks so that he couldn't get in. They both knew the truth though she believed him too young to comprehend what was happening. It was always the same. She would vow it would be the last time, she would change the locks and then he would get in anyway. Daddy would only leave if he were dead. For mother the death of daddy would be a bad thing but Mail wasn't too sure about how he felt about it.

He understood death. Once a dog in the neighborhood had bitten his hand and made him bleed while mother wasn't paying him attention. They took the dog away and later mother had said that the dog had died. Death. It meant that dog would never bite him again. It would never bite anyone again but it also meant that he would never see it again. That was the only part that bothered him. It would make mother sad if daddy never came around anymore but Mail was positive that death was the only option for the bad things to stop.

The pleading and screaming had stopped. He could hear it in the muffled silence before a loud, angry kick broke in the front door or maybe a window. He wasn't sure. The instant sound of footfalls on the wooden floor as his mother scurried towards his bedroom.

"Mail, Mail! Where are you Mail!" She cried instantly dropping down to her knees and spying him back far against the wall under the bed. She smiled, red hair falling over her eyes. Red hair much like his own. It curled and cascaded down her back but now she looked so disheveled, so worried that Mail couldn't think of his mother as pretty. She was scared. Her green eyes were wide and fearful but not for herself. She was worried about him. She pushed herself back up backtracking to the door before shutting it as quietly as she could and locking it. Seconds pasted and Mail nearly thought she had gone out the door before she dropped back down and crawled under the bed beside him.

Gently her arms wrapped around pressing him lightly into her chest as she rocked the two of them. The banging had resumed, this time at Mail's bedroom door. She removed his own hands and tilted his head up, "Mail I need you to promise me that you won't come from under this bed." Her eyes were dark but he assumed it was because of the light under the bed. "No matter what happens I need you to be quiet and stay under the bed."

He blinked, "You'll come back right?" He asked softly.

She smiled sadly, "Of course. I always come back. Don't worry about that just don't move."

The door rocked heavily on its frame as she glanced up. "You fucking bitch!" The deep angry tone came as the door rocked again. "I told you I would come back. Who the fuck do you think you are taking that kid and running away? Where is that little bastard anyway?" His voice was slurred, angry and a bit distant.

Gently his mother eased away. "Stay Mail, don't come out. No matter what." He nodded reluctantly releasing his mother. Something about this didn't settle right in him. It was something about his demeanor that spoke that something more was wrong than usual. She spent several seconds just gazing into his eyes before leaning down and kissing him gently on the forehead. Then she slid from under the bed just as the door splintered under the ministrations by daddy.

"Please calm down…" His mother screamed before the part that Mail didn't like the most about daddy happened. He grabbed his mother by the shoulder before a spray of language came from his father. He wasn't sure what any of it meant but he was positive that daddy wasn't saying he was leaving. Instead mother begun to cry and speak back to him in the same language as before.

Mail pushed himself further back against the bed as his father switched to English. "You thought I wouldn't know? Who the fuck do you think you're fucking with? Where is he?" He hissed shoving Mail's mother and stalking through the room and jerking the closet door open. He always looked in the closet first.

The woman spun around, "You leave him alone. He's not home." Her voice wavered and from under the bed Mail could see her fist clenching over and over again.

The man stumbled back over towards the woman. "And why did you send him away?" He asked in a mocking voice. She didn't respond. "Who did you send him to? Where is he?" She continued to stand her ground in silence. He laughed, coldly, as he stood in front of Mail's mother. "The kids not mine, right?" She didn't respond. "I should have known that shit. That kid's too smart for his own good. No kid that smart could be mine and not you either. Where is he?"

"I will never give you my son." She said defiantly. "He did nothing to you. Your quarrel is with me."

He sniggered, "Quarrel? Did you learn that from your bastard son?" He snarled using his hand to grab Mail's mother by the curls on her head. She released a strangled scream, her hands swinging upward to block the hit that was surely coming. She was late by several seconds as the first hit struck her on the side of her head. The next few followed knocking her off her feet and onto the floor. She laid there on her stomach doing her best not to look at Mail under the bed.

"Leave. Him. Alone." She hissed in response as the subsequent hits came to silence her. His fist struck her several times in the face, shoulders, neck and just when Mail believed he would leave his mother alone a new wave began. He wanted to cry out. He wanted to help but his mother was enduring all this for him. His mother loved him and because of that he would obey her wishes and stay silent.

He sneered, "You think you're getting away with this right?" A familiar click sounded around the room and Mail stiffened. He had watched enough television dramas with mother to know what a gun sounded like. "I'll ask you again, where is he?"

Her eyes, though swollen, grew large. "Please don't. Emilliano, please." Her voice shook in desperation. "Who will take care of Mail? Don't do this. Please, don't do this." The gun came across her fact once throwing blood across the floor towards the edge of the bed. Mail nearly gasped as the woman stared long and hard at him. She smiled, calmly and mouthed 'mummy loves you. Be quiet.'

"I said where is he?" Before the answer could come from her lips the shot echoed around the room. Mail's mouth opened before closing as he stared at where his mother's head once was. Pieces of brain and skull flew upward and splattered elsewhere. The green of her eyes faded but the smile remained. Fluids that Mail couldn't fathom dripped down the side of her skill mixing and dabbling with her red hair. "You should have just told me Juliet."

Again Matt's mouth opened and closed. He couldn't speak, his throat contracted. This was too much. The world split dropping into things so diversely different he couldn't even begin to think of it. For several minutes he couldn't remember anything. The world around him tilted on its axis and then completely blacked itself. Darkness enshrouded everything.

Matt crawled from under the bed doing his best to avoid the mess that was all over the floor. The man had left, or at least he assumed the man was gone at this point. Most people fled from their crimes, right?

His head hurt. It was the pounding of his other half in an emotion uproar while he wished for silence and calm. The first thing he did was pad across the hallway into another bedroom.

_"Where's the gun Mail." _

The tiny voice came back, "Who are you? Why are you here? Why didn't you help my mother?" He gasped as if through heavy crying but in reality the tears had never come.

_"I'm you. Or a part of you. I just want to help you but we can't help Juliet anymore. I'm sorry but she helped you. Don't let that go to waste. What should I do if he's still here?" _

The boy was silent for a few seconds before whimpering. "**In the top of the closet**." He whispered.

Mail nodded beginning to stack shoe boxes on top of each other to get to what he needed. He wasn't too familiar with guns, he didn't know any more about them than Mail did. He didn't know anything other than what Mail knew and that it was his duty to protect the fragile individual that was torn into piece. He would protect him. He had to.

The gun wasn't big but it was enough. He worked his way through figuring out how to load it one bullet at a time.

**"What are you going to do with that?" **He asked softly.

Mail shrugged. "Don't know yet. Maybe nothing, maybe something. We'll just have to see." He laughed quietly to himself before stopping. Footsteps in the hallway. "Maybe something after all."

He jumped landing with a light thump on the floor his eyes wide.

"Where are you brat? I know that bitch was lying." He hissed stopping at the door to the bedroom. Mail cocked the trigger but didn't respond. "Where are you?" He stomped forward into the bedroom turning the corner to where Mail had the pistol leveled on his face. "What you know about shooting a gun kid?" He chuckled.

Mail tilted his head to the side like he didn't understand. "Just about as much as you do. You pull the trigger. Bam." He smirked. "Why don't we try it out?"

~*xXx*~

"His mother and father were both found dead inside the home." The female ambulance attendant whispered to the man beside her. She gave Mail a side glance but he continued to stare into space. He hadn't spoken since the emergency call. "They're not sure what happened but they don't want to question the child. What could he know?"

Mail glanced over towards the road where his mother's car still sat. He shook his head. _"Sleep Mail. I'll deal with this. I'll make sure I deal with this." _

"Are you Mail Jeevas?" The voice startled Mail out of his silence. He jumped glancing up towards an older man that smiled kindly. The smile reminded him of mother and almost instantly he was soothed. He nodded simply. "I've been watching you Mail. You know now that you no longer have your parents they'll send you off somewhere." He watched the boy look down and shrug. "I can offer you safety. Your intelligence is probably wider than any of the people standing here and I want to help you cultivate that intelligence. Would you like to come with me? There are other children for you to play with."

He glanced up, intelligence beyond his years communicated within the depths of his eyes. "Will you take care of me?" He whispered. The man nodded. If this man would take care of him then it wouldn't hurt to let Mail go with him. There was nothing wrong with safety.

~*xXx*~

"This is Mihael. Mihale this is Mail." Roger, Mail's new caretaker spoke gingerly tapping the red head forward. "He's been here a while and I'm sure the two of you would get along."

Mello blinked, large blue eyes. "Why do I have to share a room?" He questioned aloud.

Roger frowned, "Mello you need human interaction. That's why." He stepped back leaving Mail alone in the middle of the floor. All his stuff was new. Nothing to remember his previous life. "I have other things to attend to. He's new. Don't upset him, he's still very fragile."

Mihale nodded slowly as the older man disappeared out the door. The blond boy sat on the bottom bunk of the bed. "So, what happened to your parents?" Mail blinked. "Everyone has a story. What's yours."

Mail shrugged. "I-I don't remember."

_Good. You don't need to. _


	41. One last time

Authors note: Oh look. New. Review. Do it. Sorry, don't have time to type something cute.

One last time

Matt slipped out the door without looking back. It had been days since he had allowed his other side to come out. It was mostly because he was wavering on his own personal decision to put him in a relationship with Raito. Raito was certainly better than Mello but to Matt Mello was all he wanted. He didn't know what he did but something about the situation didn't feel right. If his other side was still in love with Mello then being in a relationship with someone else wasn't going to work at all. It wasn't that he thought his idea was stupid. Matt deserved someone better than Mello but nothing ever worked out that easily.

He punched the ground floor button shaking his head. He couldn't ask anyone about it because he was the final choice of every decision that the red head made. He was the one that should always know what was best but what if what he thought was right for Matt actually wasn't. Matt would be devastated without Mello even if he willingly gave up their friendship. It didn't matter. He still didn't want it happening.

The doors opened as he stalked through the open lobby. The woman sitting behind the counter slightly dozing watched him walk by in a confused stupor. The less people that saw him the better it would be for everyone.

The car rolled to a stop in front of him as he slid into the seat in the back. Near's dark eyes stared into his green ones. He sighed, "You rang?"

The white haired boy nodded slowly. "Mello is becoming restless. It seems the longer he goes without speaking with Matt the more erratic he becomes. Today he began using knives to cut his chocolate into smaller pieces for him to eat. When I told him he didn't need it he stared into space for several minutes and ignored me."

Matt blinked, "That's not unusual. Mello never listens to anything that you say but I can understand what you mean." He sighed. "I guess we have to do something about this before it gets out of hand right?" He watched the white haired boy nod slowly. "I'll do something about it. All I need you to do is to run Mello out of the hotel that you're staying in."

Near frowned, "That shouldn't be difficult."

"Didn't think so."

xXx

The world crashed heavily onto Matt. Darkness reigned in perpetual anguish of untold fears and painful thoughts. Everything tightened roughly almost as if the world around his were trying to suffocate him. Somewhere deep he burned to be released the voices of the past playing over and over again on repeat. Each time the words became more and more distorted, dark and cruel. The voice was supposed to protect him. Isn't that what the voice always did? The voice had always been there hadn't it? No. There was a time where the voice didn't have a vote. A time where things were better but they weren't the best.

His breath caught as a hand tightened roughly around his hand. It was almost as if the hand was pulling him upward, though the depths of pain and misery until he breached the top. He took in a deep breath, blinked and looked around. He frowned; he was sitting on the beach in pure darkness aside from the moon that hung wearily in the sky in the distance. It highlighted a dark figure, still holding his hand. He almost thought it was Raito until the man leaned down to get a better look at him.

"Mello? What the fuck?" He questioned almost snatching his hand back from the blond. He thought against it and instead used his other hand to help him sit up properly. He didn't even know how he managed to get outside. He didn't remember anything besides laying on the beach, maybe walking back to the hotel with Raito but that was about all.

The blond raised an eyebrow slightly before dropping into the sand beside the red head leather and all. "I came out here for a walk and saw someone trashing around. I assumed that something weird was going on until I saw it was you." He didn't let on that his heart dropped when he thought that the red head was hurt. He didn't let on that he wanted to pull his best friend into a hug and apologize until his voice wouldn't let him speak words anymore. No, that would be too much. Right now he was just content that he was able to talk to the red head without Near or someone interrupting him.

This was Matt. This was his best friend. There was nothing that he could say to Matt that the red head would take wrong. They had known each other for far too long for that to happen. Incidentally, it didn't account for all the time that Mello had been racking his brain for a proper way to get his friendship back on track. All his mind had been on was what his other side had been going on about. Matt had a boyfriend now. Or at least his other side had made it seem that way but he didn't put it past the other side to lie. Everyone lied.

Matt swallowed, "Oh." He said roughly glancing around again. There was no one out here but himself and Mello. "Why are you even here?"

Mello shrugged, "Near packed us up and moved us here to watch over you I assume." He kept his gaze away from the red head. The last thing that he wanted was to make eye contact with those beautiful green orbs. Instead he would stare restlessly into space and hope that the other could tell what was going on. Then again he wasn't even sure that he understood what was going on anymore.

He sighed, "Since when do you listen to anything Near has to say?" He questioned seriously. The blond didn't respond. Instead he just shrugged. One of his hands digging roughly into the sand beside him leaving long gashes. "I can't imagine you handing Near's hand let alone sitting around and listening to the things that he wants you to do."

Mello glared, "Watch it Matt. I don't follow anyone. I came because I wanted to." He hissed struggling to maintain his calm.

"I see," was the only response. "So you came to see me?" He felt the blond look at him. "Did you?"

Mello scoffed, "Of course not. I came to catch Kira. When Near said that he thought that Kira was with you I rationalized it and decided to come."

Matt smirked, "Near wouldn't tell you that Mello. Near doesn't tell you anything. Near relinquishing information to you would mean that he is accepting your help. Plus, coming along with Near means that you're accepting his help." Mello gaped. "You're losing your touch, Mell."

"Maybe." Mello replied softly. "Hey Matt, I'm sorry about everything. I took our friendship for granted and didn't believe you. Not to mention that I overstepped my boundaries as your friend." The words flowed less elegantly than they did in his head but as soon as they were out he was content with them.

Matt shrugged, "Shit happens." He replied. "I missed you man."

Mello smiled, "Me too Matty. Me too."

xXx

Mello stood awkwardly in front of the doors to the hotel. "So I guess this is goodnight." He whispered softly to himself. "You should, um, come home soon or at least call me Matt. You know I wor…I mean…just fucking come home, okay?"

The red head smirked, "I'll be home soon Mell." He couldn't help the smile that ran over his lips. "I worry about you too." He leaned forward closing the gap between the two of them before pecking the other lightly on the lips. "Maybe I gave up too quickly." He mumbled pulling back. "Goodnight Mell. See you soon."

The blond blinked rapidly before he suppressed the blush attempting to ride his face. "Yeah, maybe we did. Tomorrow Matt. I want to see you back tomorrow."

The red head shrugged walking through the sliding doors. "Maybe." He said though he doubted the blond could hear him. "Maybe."


	42. Right and Wrong

Authors note: So I still have school work so right now I'm running on lack of sleep and boredom. Here's the newest chapter. Not sure if it's on par, but I tried and it's better than nothing.

**SUPER IMPORTANT NOTE: **So I've had a few people ask me about the last chapter and how Matt got on the beach. That was no you being confused, that was completely my fault. I started the chapter at one point and ended it much later and I had forgotten to include it. So be clear, Near dropped him off at the beach. I'm so sorry about that. I hope that clears up any problems, if not please mail me and I'll explain. Thanks guys! So read, review and enjoy.

Right and wrong

Mello reclined quietly in his easy chair for once. Across the room Near sat watching him apparently deep in thought. He couldn't even bring himself to tell the freak off because he was too happy for Near to bring him down. Matt was talking to him now. Matt had missed him. Matt had _kissed _him. The side of his lip twitched, not because he was happy that the red head had kissed him but because in a way he felt that he was stepping all over whatever Matt's other side had been attempting to do. It felt good. Late last night the two had returned to headquarters when Mello returned begrudgingly telling Near that Matt would be back with them today. And now it was time for the waiting game.

Hours passed and eventually night time approached all while Near sat stone still staring at the blond. The elevator dinged and the two glanced over to find the red head with a bag sung over his back. He was dressed in a pair of slacks, goggles replaced with dark expensive looking shades and his button up shirt finished the outfit. Gently he dropped the bag and stepped out of the elevator. "'Sup bitches."

Mello's gaze locked fiercely with the other man before he tilted his head. For once Matt looked away before Mello did. He grinned to himself, apparently Matt's other half had known he was alrady in the winning court about this. "Welcome back." He said aloud watching the scowl set on the other's face. "You took long enough to get here."

Matt held his hand up, "Yeah, yeah at least I actually showed up." He dropped his bag by the elevator. "I came here instead of going back with Raito so what do you two want?"

Near spoke up first, "What game are you playing?" He questioned his dark opaque gaze lifting to look the other in his green eyes. "M, Mello and I need to understand your thought process to be able to help it. How does this fit in?"

It took several long minutes before the man answered, "It wasn't for Matt for once but he's willing to live with it." He told the two before leaning against the wall staring ahead instead of looking at either of the other two men. "You need help figuring out who Kira is; it's a common goal for all of you. I guess the same can be said about Matt so all I'm doing is what he wants deep down. He wants help and what better way than to date the subject?" He questioned watching Near shrug. "Think about it, if I can deal with this long enough he'll open up and then I'll know for sure who he really is."

Mello frowned, "So why didn't you run this by us before you actually decided to go for it?"

He shrugged, "No time." He replied lightly. "Sorry sexy but I can't call you at all times making sure that everything is okay for me to do. Just trust me, I know what I'm doing if you haven't noticed."

Near sighed, "You do what is best for Matt and for no one else." Their eyes met and the red head grinned shrugging.

"It's my purpose. I am here to make sure that Matt is safe and sound at all times. Sometimes it comes down to some very difficult decisions but through it all I left Mello. He's like my anti-cause." He said seriously. "He does everything to Matt that I've spent so long attempting to stop from having. If only you knew what was…locked inside of his head you wouldn't be so willing to play around in there."

"What's in there?" Mello questioned softly, almost tenderly. It was enough for Near to look at him for a long second before turning back towards the red head.

He shrugged, "Enough to send him into screaming fits. It's enough to haunt him to the day he does. It's enough that I can never let him remember something so terrible." He whispered his voice coming out husky and dark. "You're right when you say I only do what's good for Matt but sometimes I'm not even sure if I'm right when it comes to that. I block what I think is wrong and…" He stopped closing his eyes for a second. "He went back to that place."

"Place?" Near and Mello echoed aloud together.

Matt rubbed his temples, "The place that I never wanted him to step foot in again. He's too curious for his own good. It's wrong. It's bad, it's where Mr. Wammy took him from. He had no one left. He had no one in the world and Mr. Wammy saved him." He took a deep shuttering breath as if he had gone back to the place that was locked in his head. "He had no business going there but I hadn't been needed since Mello had come back into his life. Mello did a decent job of acting as me unless he was angry and irritated and decided to hit Matt. It's a lot more than I would like but Matt's developed a sort of masochistic feeling towards it so I allowed it to slide."

Mello thought, "You mean the place where he was coming back from when he got into his car accident?"

Matt looked pained, "I swerved the car." He whispered watching Mello's face change. "I had to." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I fucking had to. He was going to implode upon himself searching through the part of his memory I don't want him in. I had to do something to stop him from it so I pushed him into another lane. I didn't think we'd actually run into an embankment and total his car but what happened happened." He took another breath. "I put him out for a while so I could work. I dealt with Mello in the way I knew how but I can't be Matt. Only Matt can be Matt, that's not my purpose. So, I set Mello up."

Mello stirred, "Excuse me?"

He shot the man a glance, "I needed someone or something to keep Matt's mind off of what he saw and what he was looking for so I used you. I dropped hints about his journal and you took the bait. I waited until I knew you had read it, I even made it easier to get into. I left his warning intact on purpose. It would just cause more problems and I needed all the help I could get. If Matt was brooding about the fact that Mello knew he was in love with him then he wouldn't go digging where he didn't belong."

Mello's mouth was moving but nothing was coming out. He blinked several times, "What's so fucking terrible that Matt can't find in his own head?"

Matt looked down at his feet. "I can't tell you that." He replied just as softly. "I'm sorry that I made you do what you did." The fact that Matt had manipulated Mello hung in the air but no one called it. "I can't tell you what happened."

"If we ask Matt?" Near questioned aloud and the red head almost jumped. His eyes were wide, worried…almost scared. "I see." He said aloud. "As far as we're concerned now we know you're hiding something from Matt. If you don't do as Mello and I ask we will mention it to Matt. Clearly you don't want that happening."

The red head looked desperate, completely different from his usual cocky, self. "Even if it meant that the Matt you have now might not be the same Matt you'd have tomorrow?" He questioned aloud as the room went silent. "I don't like being blackmailed Near. It works both ways. I can easily reveal to Matt what it is and only I know how he's going to react if he finds out. You wouldn't be able to protect him from himself so I suggest that you keep quiet, both of you." The forcefulness had reentered his voice. He coughed once, "I would hate to have to do something like that. I can stop you from telling Matt but you can't stop me from destroying him. I'd rather him destroyed than told I've done wrong."

The two looked fearful as he gave a slow smile.

"Now, where were we?" He questioned aloud. "I need to get home so comb through these details so I can be on my way."


	43. Where you don't belong

Authors note: So everything's about to get crazy. A war just began in the last chapter and only one person is going to be able to stay standing at the end. So it's Mello and Near VS Other Matt, Other Matt VS Matt, Other Matt VS Mello and Everyone against Kira. Things are just getting started. Look at this chapter as the beginning to an end.

End of the semester chapter FTW! Almost Christmas break guise! It's gonna be awesome! Anyway be looking out for new stories, chapters and fun upcoming. Read, review and enjoy!

Where you don't belong

Mello hadn't spoken in hours since Matt had left again. No, that wasn't Matt. It was his other half; Matt still hadn't come back yet. The conversation the group had still hung darkly in the air. He would rather destroy Matt then have Matt find out that he was hiding something from him. The idea sent chills down his spine. He closed his eyes thinking, racking his mind for a solution that would never come. He was right on that account. They couldn't stop him from destroying Matt. That was something that scared him and he was pretty sure the idea scared Near also.

Near still sat in the middle of the floor, unmoving. He was almost as deep in thought at Mello. Finally he glanced up, "We must find out what it is that M is hiding from Matt." He said quietly moving to stand up. "If we can find out what he's hiding then maybe we can figure out a way to shield Matt even if he were to find out. Currently M is nothing but a ticking bomb. Anything that he does wrong or he perceives that he does wrong can trigger him to cut his losses and let go." Mello nodded at the others ideas. "I can find out about Matt's past from Roger but it's going to take more than just that. We have to actually…"

"Go there." He replied softly. He nodded, "We do. I know." Mello took a bite of chocolate keeping his gaze rested squarely on the wall. If he kept looking there he could forget that he was speaking to Near. This would be more than just him. It would take the both of them to be able to possibly save Matt. The idea irked him. Not only because Near was involved but because it was only a possibility. There was no definitive way that they could save the red head unless they were able to bring his personality back together but it had been fractured for years. "Then you get on the phone with Roger and have him send Matt's file. You are his boss."

Near nodded, "Yes but that was L's place. I'm not sure if L may have put a hold on Matt's files because if we've noticed that Matt had something going on inside of him as young children there's no doubt that Wammy and L noticed it also."

"Are you saying that Matt was a test?" Mello questioned shifting in his chair.

Near shook his head, "No, I'm saying that Matt is a genius like no other."

~*xXx*~

_Matt glanced down at his phone for what had to be the third time since arriving. He had actually sat in his car down the street for nearly two hours unsure if he should be doing this. He hadn't told Mello exactly where he was going just that it was important and that he needed to go. Usually the blond would have questioned it but not this time. He had barely been home in recent days and Matt had been flying way under his radar when it came to Kira and the Mafia which in this case was good. If Mello knew what he was doing Mello would certainly want to come thinking that he was going through some kind of mental breakdown but he wasn't too sure that he wasn't going to do that. What he did know is that he needed to come back here. He's always known that he needed to come back here. _

_Eventually he gained enough courage to get out of the car and make his way down the street covered in litter and shady looking individuals. He took note to faces. If he came back and his tires were missing someone was going to go missing. He ignored the jeers and calling across the street glancing down at the paper that held the address written in his own scrawled writing. He stopped firmly in front of a home he didn't remember. Due to the maintenance of the rest of the neighborhood it didn't look like it could have possibly been renovated. It didn't look like much of anything. _

_It was larger than the other houses on the block but empty anyway. The door had been opened sometime recently leaving Matt to believe that maybe homeless people could be staying on the inside. He wasn't sure but something was tugging him in. _

_"Yo, what are you doing?" A boy maybe a few years older than Matt said from the house next door. _

_Matt shrugged, "Does anyone live here or can I go in?" He questioned. _

_The boy shrugged lightly. "I don't know why you want to go in there. It's haunted." He whispered folding his arms. "A man killed his wife and then himself in there. No one goes in there except stupid and crazy people. Which one are you?" _

_Matt shrugged pushing the door open, "I don't know. I'll tell you when I get back out." _

~*xXx*~

"Matt's fucking folder is like ten times larger than either of ours." Mello mumbled shuffling through the papers that had been delivered only moments prior. "Why?"

Near shrugged lightly looking over the pages. He was actually standing straight for once; Mello didn't even know how tall he was until now. Everything before had just been an estimate. "There's a lot here to go through. It seems that L and Watari did know about M."

Mello nodded, that would make sense. L and Watari weren't stupid, they were brilliant and talented individuals. Of course they would notice that Matt acted differently on some days than others. What bothered him is how he had never noticed it until just recently. He thought back. Maybe he had noticed some time ago and just didn't chalk it up to anything.

"What's that?" Mello questioned leaning forward and picking up a CD. "They recorded some of Matt's therapy sessions?" He questioned and Near shrugged still shuffling papers around.

It only took a few minutes to pop it into the player. A voice from the past resounded around the room leaving both Mello and Matt in momentary awe. L. His voice, deep and blank as he spoke sent both of the Wammy house Alums looking at their hands like back in their Wammy house days.

"Matt, are you enjoying your time at Wammy house?" L asked quietly from somewhere behind the camera. Sitting in the lone chair staring into the distance was a very young Matt. Mello hadn't seen him like that for years. It brought a long forgotten smile to his face. That was the Matt of a time before, a time before everything became complicated. A time where they were still closer than anything he could think of. A time where they were nothing but friends and it was okay.

Matt shrugged lightly, "Fine, I guess." He whispered softly unsure of what to say to the man behind the camera. All of his nervous habits were there. He twitched his thumbs like he was playing a game, his eyes darted unsurely, and everything about this Matt was familiar. "Why wouldn't it be?"

L joined Matt slouching slightly against a side wall. Matt didn't look at him but maintained his stare at his hands. "How is Mail enjoying his time here?" The red head shrugged slightly. "If you don't talk to us about him then we'll just keep asking." L mused softly a small smile playing on his lips. "Or we can talk to Mello and ask him if he's talked to Mail before."

Matt jumped, "I'm fine. We're fine. What do you want? Don't tell Mello." His voice wavered slightly. "He's just starting to like me."

L nodded, "Mello is your only friend here so far?" The red head shrugged again. "I see. I want to talk to you about that night; you know which I'm talking about right?" Matt shook his head finally looking at the man staring him down. "The night that your mother and father…"

"Stop it." Matt shifted slightly in his chair. His legs folded and his gaze became slightly darker. "If you wanted to talk to me all you had to do was ask. I'm prone to fits of kindness in some cases."

"I see. You're a lot different from Matt. You seem a lot older also." Matt shifted slightly at the words. "Why don't you tell me about that night then? All we have is what the police report says."

Matt frowned, "I couldn't save her. Juliet, I couldn't save her." He looked down at his hands for a few seconds. "I could only do what I did for Mail." He whispered more to himself than L. "I took care of what needed taking care of." He folded his arms. "That's all you need to know."

"And what if Matt wants to know what happened to his mother?" He questioned aloud.

He sniggered, "Well we can't have that happening now can we?" He replied giving the other a slight glance. "Matt is under my care until I am unneeded."

L frowned, "Let me phrase it differently, who killed Juliet?"

"Emillianio." He replied instantly.

Their mentor shook his head, "Emilliano was seen in a bar downtown at the time that Juliet was killed in her own home. Emilliano Jeevas was killed afterwards upon arriving home. Who killed Juliet?"

The smirk twitched slightly into a dark grin. "Oh no did you figure it out?" He sang as their mentors face darkened. "If you must know _I _killed Juliet and Emilliano Jeevas." He frowned, "They were worthless anyway. Juliet was weak always allowing her husband back into their lives. I was tired of it. He would never change. It all started the same. He would come home drunk and begin with her and wind up beating Matt. Weak bitch, I gave her chances and then can you believe that she thought I was the trouble? That I was more dangerous to Matt than her drunk of a husband and her own stupidity." He snorted. "So I removed them from Matt's life."

The CD froze but neither Mello or Near moved.

"Fuck! That's what he's hiding." Mello hissed running his fingers through his hair. Near had paled significantly. "He killed his fucking parents. Oh my fucking God." Mello crossed himself muttering a prayer under his breath.

"This is bigger than us Mello." Near whispered quietly. "This was bigger than L and Watari from the beginning."

Mello couldn't help but nod. He turned away from the white haired boy that had put his head down on the table with the papers spread across it. Mello clenched his fingers fighting back the tears that threatening to break free. He had always been close to losing his best friend and he never knew. Now that he did there was certainly no way to go back and worse he wasn't sure he could save him from something like this.


	44. Losing a losing fight

Authors note: Look, I finally updated. It took some time but I finally did it. Anyway, I hope that you've been enjoying it so far. Maybe, if it's not too much trouble could you read and review my new story "Bent N broken," please. Anyway, here's the newest installment and I think things are about to get serious but before we get there...here is a softer side of Mello that we're not used to. Please read, review and enjoy.

Losing a losing fight

Mello had left Near soon after that admission. Neither one of them was in the mood to argue, because there was nothing to argue about. They were both in too deep. Deep in a situation that had started before Matt reached Wammy house. Deep to the point that there may be no benefaction in continuing anything further. The more that they continued, the deeper they would get and if it was fighting a losing fight they didn't know what to do. There would be no satisfaction at the end of the tunnel and now they both knew exactly what M knew. It was something Mello could live without ever knowing. If he could go back and stop the other from telling him, would he? Of course not, that wouldn't help Matt and that had been the whole point in his life right? To help Matt in any way shape or form that he could.

He closed his eyes leaning back against the headboard. He missed his apartment and living with Matt. He missed waking up in the morning when he was home and finding Matt sitting curled in the living room playing his playstation or in a huddled ball sleeping while his game waited for him to continue. He missed making coffee and tea, the smell of Matt smoking. He missed the easy laughter than only they could share. Back then he couldn't dare believe that Matt would have so many secrets, so many lies and so many worries.

How did Matt feel every day when he looked at Mello and pretended that everything was okay. How many times had M talked to him like Matt and he didn't notice the difference? Where was he on those long dark nights where Matt had to have been haunted by his past? He wasn't there, that was for sure. Now he understood why the red head was so interested in losing himself in the virtual world where nothing could actually hurt him. Everything had already hurt him. He released a small whine at the idea. He couldn't stop it because the thought was right. He kicked himself, exactly how much had he hurt Matt?

He pushed himself off the bed heading back into the living room. How could he start in a problem so big he couldn't even fathom it?

~*xXx*~

_"_What were your parents like?" Mello asked looking up at the top bunk where the red head was sitting playing his handheld. He had always wanted to ask the boy the question but had decided not to on the basis that Roger insisted that privacy on certain matters, matters being the past of each and every child that walked through the doors of Wammy house. Mello cared much less now that he was older when it came to what Roger had to say about anything. "I mean, you should remember them still right? You didn't get here until you were like six or seven."

Matt paused his game before staring thoughtfully at the ceiling. "I don't know." He replied after a while. "I assume that my mother was motherly and my father was father like, if I had one." He added as an afterthought. Mello frowned at the idea of Matt being such a smartass so early in the morning.

He leaned over the top bunk, "You don't remember them at all? I mean I even remember how my parents were killed." He frowned at the thought but didn't continue any further. If Matt wasn't going to divulge his personal cry fest then he certainly wasn't going to.

Matt shrugged, "They're dead, Mell. Me thinking about how they were offed isn't going to bring them back." His voice had dropped to a soft whisper and Mello knew he was pushing into dark territory. Matt didn't whisper. He was naturally quiet and an introvert but he wasn't soft spoken like this. "Just drop it okay?"

Mello didn't just drop things but for Matt this time he would make an exception. "Fine, it's almost dinner. Come on, we're going to be late."

Matt continued to stare into space, "I'll meet you there just save a seat for me." Matt barely gave notice when the blond agreed and slipped out of the room.

"What were my parents like?" Matt asked himself aloud. The images were cloudy, distorted and blurry. It was as if his own mind was working against him, but why? His parents were probably just average people that bad things happened to, right? Right? The questioned was posed and faded after a few minutes. There was no intimate reply from the excess of his mind. Instead he pulled his knees up to his chest and closed his eyes.

Matt never made it to dinner that night and Mello, well Mello barely noticed he had struck a nerve.

~*xXx*~

The hallway smelled of stale urine and something that Matt couldn't think of. Inwardly he felt hands on his shoulder as if something inside of him wanted to turn back and forget all about this. He kept his gaze ahead of him until he forced the feeling down in sheer annoyance and anger. He wouldn't turn and hide anymore. He couldn't.

He took a forced step and instantly his mind flashed to his childhood nightmares.

_Blood…._

_Laughter…._

_Fear…._

_So much fear…_

His breath hitched slightly but he refrained from touching the walls that were graffitied to all hell. Instead he forced himself forward taking in short shallow breaths. He had to do this but his inner child was screaming and what was worse he was mentally pining for Mello. He needed the blond by his side at this moment to help him through but he could only think of the comments Mello would have coming to a place like this without an explanation and he couldn't think of an adequate one where the blond wouldn't ask questioned. Mello asked questioned and expected relevant and clear answers. Anything otherwise wasn't worth his time and that was why he was here alone.

**Stop.**

The voice boomed in his head before he could will himself to take another step. Matt almost ran right then but he stood his ground. He forced another step and another and another until he was standing in the living room.

Here more flashes occurred. He remembered dumping legos on the floor and playing with them here. He remembered the smiling, proud individuals standing in the corner observing him as he built his cities and people. Their faces were shadowed but the unmistakable red hair was there on the woman. She was his mother. He could see his mother's outline standing there watching the younger version of himself.

"Mama." He whispered reaching a pleading hand out as everything faded away. Nothing was left of that daydream. Instead an overturned couch with its springs and cotton pulled out littered the floor, broken bottles and newspapers. His body wavered attempting to force the vision back into place several tears slipping from his eyes that he quickly wiped away.

**Stop looking for someone that's never coming back. Go home Matt, you don't belong here. **

~*xXx*~

Mello leaned forward staring at the computer screen. "Juliet Marrianette Jeevas and Emilliano Raul Jeevas. Juliet was twenty-five and Emilliano was twenty-six. They had no children together." He leaned back in his chair admiring the work of old man Wammy for once in his life. It had to be the old man's doing. They both died on the same day but hours apart. He read the police report.

**After several calls to the residence and no response several friends of the Jeevas family decided to visit the home. Upon arriving the door was not answered and the friends decided to contact the police. After knocking the door down the bodies of both Emilliano and Juliet Jeevas were found within the house. Juliet was murdered by a gun found in the hand of her husband. Juliet was found in a spare bedroom while her husband was found in the couple's bedroom. An investigation is underway. **

"Of course it is." Mello mumbled reading the address out loud. The only thing left to do was to go there. Tomorrow he and Near were going to Matt's childhood home. A chill ran through him. Something in him was saying that this wasn't a good idea but unfortunately it was the only idea that he had and so he was going to go with it.


	45. Mistake

Authors note: Oh look, I updated! Um read review and enjoy. I have to get to class but I hope that you enjoy. Yay drama.

Mistake

"I don't think this is a good idea," Near whispered grasping for purchase on the back of Mello's motorcycle as the blond revved it several times most likely to scare the wits out of his compassion. It was working, which was for sure. The white haired boy was shaking as if he were doused with freezing cold water but Mello paid no mind. If he didn't hang on properly then when he pulled off Near would fall off. He smiled, maybe that would kill him. Oh, he could only hope but instead when he pulled off Near's grip tightened to an almost painful claw and he climbed half way up Mello's back crying something awful. Mello just continued on his merry little way. The brat had a helmet on, he would be fine.

For the sake of cruelty he took the long way to the house listed on the papers as the Jeevas household, or what was once the Jeevas household. He slowed down breaching into gang territory. If he was noticed here in a place that he wasn't meant to be then it could possibly mean something less than amicable for himself and Near but luckily a quick glance around showed that this was one of his neighborhoods. A shootout with Near clinging to him didn't sound ideal.

Slowly he pulled up on the side of the sidewalk barely glancing at the men sitting around. In retrospect they did the same to him instead focusing on Near that stumbled off the side of the bike. The group burst into laughter but Near was too occupied with checking himself to make sure Mello hadn't murdered him on the road. He took corners too close. He ran yellow lights and sometimes red. He decided it was a good idea to go _between _cars and drift with his leg no doubt he learned from Matt on a good day.

"Yo, Mello what are you doing here?" One of the men standing around flashing the blond a carefree smile but he still seemed worried that Mello had just shown up in their neighborhood. Usually that mean someone was about to either be pulled out their bed in the middle of the night or worse. He shuttered at the idea that it could be someone that he knew but instead Mello just pointed to his bike. The man wanted him to watch his bike and he nodded dutifully. Though he didn't look like it the blond had to be packing. He always was packing.

"You ready N?" Mello said aloud looking back at the young white haired boy that winced slightly. He glanced up at Mello but he didn't look like he had been crying which was pretty good considering the intent he had to not fall off the bike.

The boy nodded tugging at his sleeves in either annoyance or fear. He kept his gaze locked down the street before shifting when Mello turned back to the group.

"Which one of these houses was the Jeevas house?" Mello talked like he expected an answer. The group exchanged several looks before pointing towards a dilapidated house down the street from where they sat. "Good, make sure no one touches my stuff." The group watched silently as Mello stalked off down the street with Near not too far behind.

The grass in front of the house was untrimmed with several articles strewn across the yard. It was clear that no one had lived here for years. The windows were shattered, the door slightly unhinged and crossed with a large red X in paint. Mello wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean but he crossed himself anyway. The shrubs were long dead like everything else around here seemed to be. He was sure back in Juliet and Emilliano's days this was a good respectable neighborhood to raise children in. They had even painted the house a now faded light blue color with lavender shutters. Even now he could picture it how they had it and that made him swallow, hard.

Mello pushed the door open taking care that it didn't give and fall on him. It was already hanging haphazardly to the side. Near moved past him most likely taking advantage of the space before Mello let it go and possibly hit him. The house smelled of decay, water and urine and Mello's nose wrinkled accordingly. If Near could smell it he gave absolutely no hint that it was bothering him in anyway.

The entrance hallway spread out before him with lackluster wallpaper that had faded years ago. This place was beginning to depress him. He shook his head taking the few steps forward until he reached the living room that didn't hold much beside an old overturned couch that had been ripped from front to back, discarded newspapers and broken glass. He could only imagine how Matt could have felt coming here alone. He could have asked him to come along, he wouldn't have refused him. Most likely he would have just been annoyed by it but either way he would have come here. Seeing your family home like this had to be traumatizing.

"Matt's parents were found further in the house," Near whispered as Mello nodded surging forward.

~*xXx*~

He knew that. His mother had been dead for years but he hadn't expected to be able to come here and see any part of her. Seeing his mother for the first time in years made his knees weak. He whined inwardly taking several steps towards where he saw her. He couldn't remember his father as well as he could her but he wasn't sure why. He did have a father, his outline was there with his mother's. He smiled sadly turning towards the bedrooms in the back of the house.

The first bedroom he came to seemed to be the master. It was large and mostly empty aside from a few discarded beer cans and bottles that didn't look as if they had been touched in a very long time. He stepped in wondering if it would trigger another memory, something that would help him see his mother again or maybe his father but nothing happened. He simply felt suppressed. Something or someone was pulling him away from this room and further down the hallway but he could feel something in this room. He walked halfway in his eyes gliding over the floor before glancing towards the closet. It seemed more familiar than distant but he didn't dare go any closer to it. No, that seemed like that would bring something that he wasn't ready for yet. Maybe later. He stepped backwards slowly until he stood at the door again before moving on down the hallway.

~*xXx*~

"The report said Matt's father was found in here." Mello mumbled keeping his eyes leveled as best he could. He was sure at one oint this place must have been cozy but now it was just a dump.

Near stood beside him shaking his hands awkwardly at his sides, "We don't know that the man was Matt's father. He could have been adopted or…"

"Shut up Near." Mello hissed resisting the urge to shove him into the wall and just continue without him. "Like I said Matt's father was found dead here of a supposed self-inflicted gunshot wound which we now know to be false."

Near shrugged, "Not necessarily. You are aware that he could just be lying about killing his own parents, right?" He felt Mello give him a dark look.

Mello sighed, "As true as that may be Matt's father was supposedly killed hours after his mother was. Why would he kill his wife and then wait eight hours to kill himself and if that were true where was Matt the whole time?" He glanced over at the white haired boy who didn't look like he was going to consider that Mello could say something plausible to him. "If what M said was true it would make sense. He killed his mother early in the day and then waited for his father after work."

Near sighed, "I would suppose that could be true." He gestured down the hallway. "Matt's room must be the one with the door shut."

~*xXx*~

Matt slowed as he reached the bedroom that must have been his at one point. Slowly, gently he crept around the corner and paused. For a second everything was new. The Mario themed boarder on the wall in pristine condition, toys scattered across the wooden floor, the walls painted a gentle aquamarine. His bed was made and his toy box sat opened at the end of the bed. It all looked so familiar.

He reached forward before a startling scream broke through. He nearly stumbled out of the room but he was alone in the house. Where could it have come from? Again the voice screamed sending him backing against the wall. He nearly slipped and looked down paling. Blood, there was blood everywhere and something he couldn't place. He wanted to say brain matter but he had never seen that before so how could he say? He shook violently turning away attempting to get away from the blood that was covering the wall in artistic spray. He nearly screamed his eyes panning frantically before a vision of a woman appeared. She crouched desperately on the floor her shoulder bleeding.

"Mail." She whispered in what should have been silence. "Mail, please stop it. Give mommy the gun." Matt was back against the wall again before remembering the blood. Quickly he turned the find the wall now clean and his eyes widened.

He was going insane. Shaking he turned towards the woman again who was still begging. He still couldn't see her face and at this point he didn't want to. Then the second gunshot echoed and he nearly ducked. The sound of a body hitting the ground made him want to vomit, the sheer weight of it dropping to the floor sent him in a panic. He looked down and screamed high pitched and terrified.

It was his mother with half her face blown off. One green eye remained visible as matter oozed from her head and blood glittered against the wall. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't see as he stumbled blindly and desperately from the room. He gasped his throat burning in stark pain. He had to get out. He had to get out. He had to leave this place.

~*xXx*~

Mello paused at the closed bedroom door and glanced at Near. He had to admit Near was doing well without all his bodyguards but then again Mello was a walking army.

"Mello." Near breathed.

Mello barely had a chance to look back before the door opened on its own. "You should have known better than to stick your nose where it doesn't belong." M hissed shoving the blond roughly.

th it.


	46. Left alone

Authors note: Oh look...it's the latest chapter. It may seem like things have just ended...but that's not the case. There's still more to come. So, read, review and enjoy!

Left alone

Mello stumbled colliding with Near who didn't stand too far away. The two went down heavily with grunting and curses. Near backed away slightly wide eyed and Mello didn't blame him. What were the actual chances that M knew they were coming? His mind seemed to answer his question on its own. 100%. This was the last plausible place that they could go for answers that wasn't M himself. All he had to do was lay and wait for them to show up. Dammit. What good was Near if he didn't look this far in the future?

"Why won't you just let it die?" M waved his arms in frustration. It was weird looking at Matt like that. Somewhere deep inside this irritated man Matt was sleeping. He was completely unaware of the events that had already unfolded in his life. Mello wasn't sure if he should be happy about that or rip his hair out. "I told you to leave it alone. First, he had to come here when I told him not to. I hate it when he doesn't listen to me. I hate it." He turned away from the two running his fingers through his hair. He glanced back to make sure they weren't moving yet. "He came here and remembered. He remembered everything that I fought so hard, so long to protect him from."

Near didn't move but he spoke, "You didn't protect him from anything M." His voice sounded rough like maybe Mello had bruised something on their way to the worn wooden floor. "What did you protect him from? You murdered his parents."

M paused staring off for a few second. He looked so unlike Matt at this moment. He looked so unlike M at this moment. It was as if he were warping into a completely different person. M was normally put together, smooth and easy going. At least it had seemed that way. This man standing before the two of them looked frantic, erratic and pained. His familiar green eyes narrowed at the white haired boy. His mouth moved for several seconds before words actually came out of it.

"What do you know?" He hissed pointing at the white haired boy. "Everything little thing I do, I do it for Mail. Everything. His parents had to go! They had to! It wasn't a lie that his father beat his mother. They had their good qualities and good days but it always collapsed into a screaming match, punching, kicking! Do you know what that was doing to him?" His voice was heavy, dark almost. "His father never abused Matt directly but Matt watched when he would throw his mother into the dinner table and then proceed to beat her with anything within reaching distance. Sometimes, he would have Mail join in to keep her "in place." He shook his head looking as if he were watching it all over right then. "They were hurting him. All I did was stop the hurt."

Mello shifted to his knees. "That wasn't your call to make. Matt may not have had the best…"

"Shut the fuck up Mello." He began to pace watching the two. "That day I told him over and over again that this was a bad idea. None of this would have happened if he would have just accepted that they were dead but no. No, he had to know what the fuck happened to them. Why they had to go." He chuckled to himself. "He went to Roger and that dumb asshole gave him the information. He should have known what was going to come of this but he did it anyway." He braced himself on the door close to hysterics. "So he came here and he triggered it. He triggered the memories that I had done damn well at hiding from him. He saw his mother and I knew what was to come. He witnessed his mother's death at his own hands...my hands but he didn't know that."

Near watched as the smile turned more serpent like but took the time to move closer to Mello who was shaking lightly. "You had a choice to let Matt keep his family."

M waved off the words, "But I didn't. You should thank me Mello if it wasn't for me you wouldn't have a lover. That fucked up attitude of yours would have left you friendless and without a fuck buddy. Lucky for you I took care of that and I allowed you to play with his feelings."

Mello looked indignant, "I didn't play with his feelings." He mumbled as Near glanced back and forth between the two.

Green eyes glittered in the setting sun. "You're right. You're just too much of a dipstick to figure out that you love him. I got it. Then when the idea occurred to you that maybe Near wanted him you lost your shit. Scared that Matt would be fucking your arch nemesis?" He sniggered bending down to the others level. "Seeing as Near wants to be on your side so bad you want the truth about what happened Mello?"

"M." Near voice almost sounded like it cracked.

"I brought comfort to Matt by fucking Near." He winked as the look of realization crossed his face. "Matt couldn't tell you because he doesn't know for sure what happened those nights. When you black out as much as he does it's not a wonder to think you may have done something a bit…fun."

Near backtracked. He began moving towards the end of the hallway to get away from Mello. He knew exactly what was coming and he wanted to get out of here and find a ride back to his safe place as quickly as he could. The pangs of betrayal rang through his chest but he couldn't focus on it now because when Mello snapped he didn't need to be here. Mello was closer than anything to snapping.

Mello swallowed pulling himself off the floor. His gloved hands twitched with the need to hit something, no someone. He wanted to punch M in his giddy looking face. Instead he took a deep, harsh breath and spoke. "Matt, I know you're in there." He wasn't sure he could get through but he could try. "Stop being weak and letting him control you. Matt, I know I haven't been a very good boyfriend but give me another chance and I'll make it better. I let myself hide behind God instead of seeing what I really wanted but we can't be together if you let him control you. If you don't come Matt…then I'll walk out that door and never come back."

M snorted, "You think it's that simple? Call him and he'll come?" He taunted but his lacking smile was more telling than anything he could have said.

"Mail fucking Jeevas I'll never forgive you if you ruin this for us. I know you need help and I haven't been there in the past to give it to you but I'm here now. I'm trying to understand you Mail. Let me."

M made no more sounds and taunting phrases towards Mello. Somewhere deep there was a struggle happening. Mello couldn't see it but he knew it was there. Matt had hurt him and like M had told him, Mello's relationship with Matt was what was most important to Matt. The eyes softened after several minutes of silence before a lone tear rolled down his cheek. "Mello, I should be in prison."

The blond shrugged, "So should I. If I can keep moving with my eternal soul burning then you can move on from this Matt. You don't even believe in God." His voice sounded tired but warm. "Near to keep me from murdering you right now I suggest you go call a car." He reached for the red head but the man flinched away. "We're going to Wammy house," he managed before the red head dropped to his knees clutching his head as if in pain. Whatever the man was feeling it wasn't physical, not anymore. "This isn't over."


	47. Just the beginning

Authors note: Sorry about that whole not updating thing...I've been busy with final exams and all that jazz. But alas, look here I have finally arrived and with a new chapter no less. So before I begin to ramble please read, review and enjoy.

Just the beginning

Mello had never seen Matt look so fragile. Not even Matt when he first entered Wammy house as Mail Jeevas had looked this bad. Sure, the boy was bloodied and frightened but he had never completely shut down. Little Mail lost himself in video games and forgot that there was a world around him constantly working. This person wouldn't even look at the game and lost himself, instead, in his mind for hours on end.

It was only now that Mello regretted everything. What he should have done was take care of Matt, but not because Matt wanted to be his lover but because Matt was his only and oldest friend. In a sick and twisted way Mello felt responsible for this. Matt had reached out and Mello had been too near-sighted to see. M had reached out too at the prospect of helping Matt but Mello still didn't grasp it. Now M was a wreak and Matt was even worse.

The only remotely good thing about this was that Near had locked himself up in his old bedroom. Roger had made the comment that Near would be okay in time and Mello didn't give a damn. If he ever saw the little roach again there wouldn't be just a choice few words.

"How is he today, Mello?" Roger leaned forward from behind his chair watching Matt stare awkwardly at his hands. He didn't speak much and even when Mello made jokes he wouldn't laugh. It seemed like the old Matt was gone but just like Near Roger said to give him time to work everything out on his own. What worried Mello was that Matt had had years to work things out and never wanted to and now that it was thrust upon him he didn't believe that it would work out for the better.

Narrow shoulders shrugged lightly, "The same he's been for the last week." He replied fingering the chocolate bar in his hand. He didn't feel right indulging when Matt wouldn't play his video games and smoke his cigarettes. Actually, the red head had stopped cold turkey. Mello had brought him a pack only to come back and find it ripped to tatters and thrown away.

Roger nodded, "Has Anne looked at him?" He asked lightly almost in passing.

Mello frowned, "No? Why would Anne need to look at him?" He asked settling in the chair beside Matt. The red head didn't stir but he hadn't expected him to.

The older man paused momentarily before picking a pencil up and writing something lightly just a ways away that Mello couldn't see. "No reason." The man added quickly but Mello was already suspicious. "Matt, it would better if you decided to talk to us." He tried to force a smile but whose benefit it was for the blond wasn't too sure. In some sort of weird way Roger was the only parent like figure that any of them had really known but Mello had grown to hate the man after years of 'therapy.' He tried again in a soothing voice, "Matt, Mello would like it if you actually talked to him."

Matt glanced up for a few seconds, "I don't have anything to talk about." He replied seriously moving to stand before he was stopped by Mello.

He glared, "You haven't said two words to me in a week that that's the first thing that comes out of your mouth?" He hissed holding the other. "Now I understand that you have some serious shit to move through but I'm not just going to sit here and hear you brush me off." Ice blue eyes narrowed into slits. "Now let's try this again what do you have to say Matt?"

The red head stared at him for several seconds before angrily shaking the blond's arm off. "How about you go fuck yourself Mello?" His voice was leveled but his eyes told a different story. There was no Matt behind those green orbs that looked clouded over and dark. "I don't owe you shit so stop pretending like you give a damn now." Mello was speechless as he watched the red head storm from the room and slammed the door behind himself.

Mello blinked, debated going after him but didn't. "Mello," Roger began, "This is normal. Let him be angry. Actually, I think it would be better if we separated the two of you for a while. It's only because currently you're the closest thing to Matt and you will become the face of his anger. He'll try his best to push you away." Roger's voice drifted off as he watched the blond.

"Is that all?" He questioned moving to stand. "Trust me I've done worse to Matt. I deserve him being angry at me, yelling, everything." He sighed, "I'll take care of him."

xXx

"So why are you here?" The young boy sitting across from Mello whispered conspiratorially. As much as he wanted to eat dinner alone he wasn't allowed to so he ended up sitting surrounded by new generation Wammy house kids. He irked him more than he could imagine. All these kids that had so much potential and were being trained to be the new L. He shook his head glancing at the young blond boy. "I heard that your friend is mad. Is he?"

Mello frowned, "Where did you hear that?" He asked twisting the fork in his hand. He observed the room grow quiet as the other students began listening to the conversation. "He's not crazy."

The boy shrugged, "I saw him outside mumbling to himself earlier before Anne made us all go back to our rooms. If he's not crazy what's wrong with him?"

Mello thought about it for a few minutes, "He's going through a difficult time right now." He decided that was a proper answer for a child. Unfortunately it wasn't an adequate answer to a Wammy house child.

"Difficult? We've all lost our families in traumatic instances and then we get stuck here. What could have traumatized him so much that he decided to come back to this place?"

"Life." Mello mumbled to himself.

The boy frowned, "That's not very sufficient."

Mello glared, "Deal with it." He replied moving to stand before the swinging doors opened and Matt wondered in. The room froze as he braced his shoulders and moved towards where Anne had a plate already set out for him just in case. Blue eyes followed the red head and he slowed almost like he was going to say something but turned his head away at the last moment picking up the plate and taking a seat.

Anne sighed lightly giving Matt a gentle graze of the head but the red head flinched away and she removed her hand. Slowly her eyes shifted to Mello who seemed to be trying not to look at his best friend. She wasn't sure what had transpired between Matt, Mello and Near but she knew that she didn't like it. Mello and Near never got along but Matt and Mello were inseparable. During their time here it was unheard of that they didn't show up to meals together and even more so if they decided not to sit together. She just hoped that everything would clear itself up soon enough.

~*xXx*~

Matt bristled at the sound of the door opening behind him. Mello was coming out of the shower and despite his mental state he wanted to look at him. He wanted nothing more than to lie under the blond and let him coddle him all day and night until he felt better. That's what Mello always did, made him feel better. Now he wasn't sure if it was him that would feel better. He had gone through so much recently and so many of his secrets had been found out. It was no wonder he didn't think he could go back to living with Mello at the flat.

"There's still hot water." Mello said gentle toweling his hair dry in the center of the room. Now Matt did look at him watching the slow deliberate movements. The anger bubbled deeply inside his gut thrashing to get out a second time but this time they were alone. Mello wouldn't dare lose it and strike him in front of Roger but he would certainly come after him if they were alone in the room together. The blond seemed calm enough but that was just a facade. He could tell that the other was ready to spring at a moment's notice. "If you want to take a shower there's still hot water."

Matt's eyes drifted around the room before eying the door but he didn't make a move to leave. He wasn't sure anymore what he should do or how he should feel. Somewhere deep told him that Mello could be blamed. It wasn't difficult to blame someone but all Matt had been able to come up with alone was that it was his entire fault. A part of him had murdered his parents. The mother and father that loved him were taken away from him by him. He winced at the thought and noticed Mello's eyes narrow as if he were trying to read his mind. He couldn't. There was nothing going on in Mello's mind aside from his own voice. There was no M to take him in the right direction. There were no flashbacks to take him to a different time. There was just him.

"I took a shower this morning." He responded turning his gaze back to his feet.

Mello sighed, "If there's something you want to say to me Matt then say it." His voice was strained and weak. "I know there's something eating at you. Roger doesn't understand you like I do. Sure, you may pawn your anger off on me but it doesn't change the fact that whatever is actually hurting you…you'll try to keep it locked inside. Scream at me. Yell, punch, hit but please don't stay quiet."

Minutes passed as the red head seemingly wandered back off into his head. "You had no business." He whispered gently. "You shouldn't have begun to pry Mello. Everything fell apart once you started over analyzing things."

The blond agreed with that much, "but now I'm here trying to help you and I can't do that if you block me out."

Matt chuckled gently, "If I block you out I'll ruin, what did you call, it? Us, I'll ruin us." He still seemed sullen slightly. "It's going to be a long road Mello."

The blond nodded, "I know but I promise you that I won't leave your side for it."

Matt smiled for the first time in a long time, "I know."


	48. Looking glass

Authors note: Annnnnnnnnddddd I'm back...or something. Expect a few more updates today...if you message me quickly I'll start on a chapter of another one of my stories. I'm in a writing mood so you should totally act fast. Don't freak, I'm a nice person. I won't bite your head off or anything and you'll get an update! What more could you ask for?! Anyho, here's the newest chapter. For those that want to know it's about to head back towards the Kira case and...maybe an even mysteriouser (lol wut) Matty. So, read, review and enjoy.

Looking Glass

Near refused to leave his room. Days passed as he wondered, idly if Matt was going to be okay. He didn't dare check on the other with the blond lurking around every corner. It was none of Mello's business what transpired while he was away from Matt but there was no doubt in Near's mind that Mello took it personally. It must have looked that way. Even Near could see how someone that didn't understand would believe that he took advantage of Matt in his state without Mello and only Mello would think that it was because Mello cared for Matt.

He sighed lightly loosely holding the newest figure he made. M, who had so easily disappeared a week ago and hadn't shown himself since then. The figure itself didn't have a face and looked more anonymous than anything else. He couldn't make the figure look like Matt because M wasn't Matt but a part of him. He couldn't give the figure a face because there was no way in telling how M actually looked or how he believed he would look if he wasn't in Matt's body. So after high consideration Near left it blank with a peg mouth and little dotted eyes. That way only he could know who the figure represented.

"Locking yourself in a room without actually locking the door? I don't know Near maybe in your distress you've actually lost a few brain cells." The familiar voice said coolly. "I must say after my last act I'm assuming that I'm the last person that you would want to be talking to." Near didn't have to look over his shoulder to know it was the red head standing there with a smirk unlike Matt's. M wasn't so far gone after all.

Near glanced down at the figure before tightening his grip on it. "Actually, the first person would be Mello but you currently come at a very close second." He felt the smile appear on the others lips even without looking at him. "What game are you going to play now? Pretend you're Matt? Run away from all of this, what?"

He shrugged lightly, "You know I was thinking about that. It would certainly be easy to run away from this place but even if I ran Matt would return." He folded his arms gently, "Besides I have a special thing for Mello's aggressiveness and I can't lie when I say it turns me on. Why in the hell would I leave such an opportunity? If I play my cards right I can get into the perfect situation to fuck Mello." He sighed as if dreaming. "But that's not what I'm here for."

"Then what do you want?" Near's patience was growing thin. He knew Roger was watching them on the monitors. They were installed to alert everyone in case Mello came looking for him but now they were being put to use in a different way. "If you want to be with Mello so bad he's right down the hallway." His normally deadpan voice turned bitter before he turned back around in his chair. Only then did he allow the figure to fall from his hand. It landed with a soft clatter on the hard wood floor.

Minutes passed as Near wanted to believe that the other had left. Unfortunately he hadn't heard the door open to signal his departure but on the other hand he never heard the red head come in.

The voice was timid, "I wanted to check on you." He said gently. "I know I've done a lot of hurting and I apologize for that. It was only…"

"In Matt's best interest, right?" Near finished for him. "Kill his parents, estranging him from his best friend and possible lover, attempting to rule his life is for Matt's best interest."

M frowned at the others voice. "Yes, his parents were weak. Mello does not understand Matt in a way that he should and therefore he is expendable. I don't rule Matt's life, I help it along to where it should be."

Near's fist tightened, "You play with people's emotions. That's what you do. You play with people that are close to Matt because you know them well enough to do so. You play with Mello, me, and anyone else that you can get your fingers into. Matt should be allowed to live his own life. He shouldn't have to suffer for something that you did. He shouldn't have to even think about something that you did but he has to because you're a part of Matt. You're a piece of him that he can't force away no matter how much it hurts his life. You've managed to almost take everything away from him."

He shrugged, "You have to take to give." His voice was straight but his eyes looked dark. "It's a life philosophy."

Near was about to respond when there was an impatient knock on the door behind M. The red head paused but his gaze flicked sideways as the door opened anyway without anyone telling Mello he could enter. The blond stood at the door in a pair of sweatpants and a baggy T-shirt that had to belong to Matt, frowning.

"I thought that maybe you were down here with this rat." His eyes narrowed on Near who seemed to be trying to figure out if he could fit through the space beside Mello and run to Roger if need be. "Don't worry Near, I didn't come here to fuck with you. At least, not right now." He folded his arms over his chest. "So you're back again?"

M sighed, "Mello, just because you can yell Matt out doesn't mean that I'll disappear. I've been around longer than you have and I'll be around once you're gone."

Mello hesitated. Did the other just threaten to kill him? It wouldn't be weird seeing as he killed Matt's own parents. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Of course not." He gave the other a sultry smile. "Why, oh, why would I want you to go anywhere, Mello?" The blond didn't reply. "You've already fucked Matt enough anyway."

Blue eyes narrowed, "I didn't fuck anything up."

M strolled towards the door and paused beside the blond, "If Matt's need to get away from his parents abuse and bickering created me then what do you think you leaving him all those years created?" His voice was light, almost playful. "What if I told you there are more of us but I'm the only one keeping them from taking over. Matt couldn't stop them, he couldn't when you left and he won't be able to now. I would suggest you be a bit kinder to me, Mello. Remember, I'm on your side….for the most part." He pat the blond on the chest and pushed past him out the door.


	49. Revelation

Authors note: I really enjoyed writing this chapter. It also opened up a whole new world for everyone involved. I hope you guys are still enjoying it. Please read, review and enjoy.

Revelation

"Shut up." Matt's voice whispered from the bottom bunk. Mello was doing his best to ignore the other but when it was right there it was difficult. He decided it wasbetter to listen because he could but not make comment on anything that was said. At least not now. With M's last bombshell both he and Near were running close to the edge. At least Near didn't have to share a room with the red head to make sure he wasn't doing anything too dangerous. So far the worst thing that he did was pick up a pack of cigarettes and chain smoke out the open window. It brought a smile to Mello's face. Back in their Wammy house days Matt would sneak cigarettes in and smoke them once in a blue moon. It was hard to imagine that boy as the shattered man he could hear now.

"I said, shut up." The words were clipped in annoyance. Mello knew that he was talking to himself. He wanted to go to the red head and hold him close to his chest and tell him it was all going to be okay. Everything would work itself out but even he didn't believe that disillusionment. Besides if he were to hold the red head the boy was simply clam up against him and it would be like talking to a silent brick. There were so many walls and it was his fault. All of it. "I didn't ask you to do anything for me. I don't need you."

"Of course you do," Was the answer in Matt's voice. Mello had a feeling they had forgotten that he was still in the room. It was most likely because he had returned while Matt was showering. He had come straight out the bathroom and lay down in his bed. He had been talking to himself ever since. "Why would I be here if you didn't need me? I take care of you, Mail."

Matt snorted, "You pushed Mello away. You did it on purpose."

The response took several minutes. "No, you pushed Mello away." Mello could only guess that he was having a discussion with M himself. Until this point he believed that M had just moved on his own without Matt knowing. He had no idea there was a way for them to communicate. Actually, what was more surprising is that Roger had managed to know about this for so long and no write a whole book about it analyzing Matt's childhood and his present. It would be a messy tie together but it was certain to be breakthrough for something.

"Mello is no longer needed." A voice interjected completely different from both M and Matt. Mello felt his heart drop. M hadn't been lying. "Mello was only needed for a short period of time. The time has passed. Faze him out."

M answered neatly, as usual. "Matt wants Mello in his life. As long as Matt wants him there I won't get rid of Mello even if he is an irritating git that won't let me into his pants."

"Stop fucking talking." Matt hissed. There was movement on the bottom bunk and out of sheer fear he pressed himself against the wall. Seconds turned into minutes and he finally relaxed, the red head was just shifting.

"I want him gone. M, if you don't do the honor I'll do it myself." The higher voice had returned. It almost sounded feminine. "The point was to keep Mello for protection. Matt no longer needs protection, let him go."

Before he could stop himself he was hanging upside down staring into the bottom bunk. Green eyes almost black stared at him in pure disgust. He gave a slow chilling smile, "You can try and get rid of me. I'm not going anywhere. Bring it on."

"Pleasure." The voice replied trailing a tentative finger across Mello's cheek. "Give it some time, Mihael."

"Mello." Matt's voice held warning and fear. "Stop it." The dark eyes had returned to their sleep deprived emerald gaze. Mello smiled seeing his best friend once again. "You don't have to put yourself through this. I wouldn't if I were you."

Mello did the best he could to shrug from upside down. "You're my best mate. Why would I leave you after all you've done for me?" He questioned watching green eyes blink slowly as if remembering everything. When his eyes opened again Matt looked slightly hurt.

"I'm just telling you that you don't need to." He replied quietly watching as Mello dropped from the top bunk. He shifted slightly before sitting beside the red head.

Blue eyes locked with green as the blond smile. "You heard what I said. What's one thing that you know for sure about me?"

Matt took a few seconds before replying, "You like motorcycles and leather." He felt a light punch. "Fine, you're a fickle bastard but once you set your mind to something you stick to it. I just don't want you to feel obligated to help me or anything."

Mello shrugged, "You didn't feel obligated to help me when I burnt half my face off. You stuck with me because…"

"I love you." Matt finished for him as Mello grew silent. "You already knew that, don't pretend it's new."

The blond sighed, "I know." He could feel Matt's eyes on him. Minutes passed as the blond stared into space until Matt subconsciously began feeling around for his cigarettes. "I love you too, Matt." He felt the other still beside him.

"What?" Matt sounded slightly shocked. Mello watched a cigarette roll across the floor. He assumed it fell from Matt's mouth at his revelation.

A shift and creak of leather, "You heard me Matt. I'm not repeating myself. You know I hate that."

The red head nodded, "You mean as a friend. Right."

"Is that what I said?" He questioned aloud. "I said I love you not I love you as a friend, Matt."

Green eyes were large in the mirror across the room. "Mello…I…we…I…"

A blond eyebrow raised, "Calm down. You already knew that, don't pretend it's new." He watched a smile etch itself onto the red head's face in the mirror before a telltale tear trickled from his goggles. He quickly wiped it away but another came and then another. Mello wrapped his arm around his longest and only friend in the world. He pulled the goggles off and allowed the boy to silently sob into his chest. "I'm here for you Matt, to the end."


	50. A bright and cloudy morning

Authors note: Well sorry about the long, long hiatus or whatever I've been on. With school and everything it's hard to find the time and there was one point I didn't have Internet but here it is. A new chapter and a whole world of new fun. It's about to get serious so buckle up and I'll explain where we're going when we get there. Anyho Read, review and enjoy!~

A bright and cloudy morning

It had been a week since Mello had basically confessed his love for Matt and it had also been a week since he had last seen last. Almost immediately after telling Matt his most well-kept and guarded secret, submitting his soul to hell Roger sent him home. It didn't take a rocket scientist to tell that Roger was hiding something but Mello still wasn't quite sure what it could have been. It made sense that there was a whole lot more to the story than what he received but now wasn't the time to think about that.

He had spent his morning cleaning relentlessly. Matt had call him, actually called him and told him that he was coming home. This would be the first time Matt had stepped foot into their apartment since that…incident. He wasn't sure how everything was going to work out but he wanted Matt to feel at home upon arrival. If anything the past few months had been traumatizing for them all for the same and different reasons. One thing that he didn't care about was not seeing Near walking around and hiding around corners like he was a murderer. Okay, well maybe he had threatened the little runt before and maybe he had hit him one too many times as a kid but that didn't give him the right to creep on him. Now that he really thought about it Near probably requested his removal out of fear.

The clacking around of someone walking through the foyer brought him back to their apartment. Their. It was their apartment. He took a deep breath, their. That word felt good…it felt right.

"Mello?" Matt's voice, his Matt's voice called from the living room. The sound of bags being dropped unceremoniously on the floor and then the sound of heavy boots heading in Mello's direction accompanied the name. "Where are you?" He rounded the corner to the bathroom where Matt sat against the wall cleaning rag in hand staring at the red head. Green, goggless eyes blinked slowly at the blond. "Did you start thinking while cleaning the bathroom again and then forget that you were cleaning the bathroom?"

Mello opened his mouth before closing it again. Instead he pushed himself off the floor placing one hand on the others shoulder. "Welcome home Matt."

Matt nodded slowly. "That's great, shouldn't you wash your hands?" He gave the other a saucy smile before turning and heading back towards his backs. "I'm assuming that my room is in the same place that it was before?"

"No." Mello replied watching with slightly interested as the red head bristled. He continued casually, "Despite the fact that the other you may have found a new…person you're still my bitch." He took a step but Matt still didn't move. "But you did move out and you did leave most of your stuff, messy in there." He watched the other turn and give him a bashful look. "But," he continued, "I have decided to do something about that messy behavior of yours." He slid past him pushing his own bedroom door open. "And I organized everything and moved it into my room. There's not nearly enough space in that room for you, your computers and your clothes."

Matt blinked, "But you…clothes….?" He stared into the room in disbelief. Mello had done just as he said. Most it had probably happened recently as the open wardrobe held his jeans and shirts all hung neatly but still open. The bed had been made with both Matt and Mello's sheets, creating a mixture of the two of them. A few of Matt's movie posters were hung on the wall…straight which bothered him a bit but he remembered that for Mello this was beyond the normal and so he accepted it. "Mello…thank you."

The other shrugged, "Don't thank me. Call me a wanker and tell me how I put it together wrong." He smiled slightly as he watched the playful smile appear on the others lips. He wanted this moment to last forever but he knew that it was going to be short lived. Although Matt had come home and they were dating now everything wasn't cheery. He still had Kira to deal with, plus there was M's lover, Near and a whole group of things that he didn't want to think about but had to. And even now there was a new personality that opened up a whole new can of worms.

Matt walked further in beginning to peel the posters off the wall and turn them at angles. Mello watched in annoyed confusion. Why have things on the wall if they're not going to be straight? Didn't turned pictures bother everyone?

He barely noticed that Matt had been talking to him. "…So Roger told me that I shouldn't be coming home but hell it's not like I listen to anything that he says anyway. So I booked it out of there and soon as I could get my hands on a computer."

Mello glared, "You mean…"

He shrugged, "I snuck out and left. That's what I meant. I doubt that Roger will come looking for me because well because I'm me."

"That's not a reason Matt. I went home and didn't put up a fight because I wanted you to get better."

At that Matt paused. Seconds turned into minutes as the red head continued his concentration on the wall. Seconds before Mello could speak he began to roll his head around in a circle several times. "Better?" The voice questioned gently. "There is no better there is only now. Cherish him. Cherish him Mello for we may not allow him to survive."

Blue eyes narrowed into slits, "What do you want?"

He sniggered quietly, "What makes you think that I want anything? Do you believe that just because M has this amazing and great cause that it means that we all do? M's cause was given to himself as a way to cope, isn't that what we all are? Coping mechanisms for Matt. Do you know who I am, Mello?" He turned around giving the other a piercing green gaze. "Do you?"

Mello folded his arms, "Matt's masochistic side?" He questioned lightly.

A slow shake, "Close but no cigar." He gave the other a slow certain smile. "I'll be happy to personally show you who I am later." He dropped into an exaggerated bow before turning around a returning to his work.

"If you think this is going to chase me off it won't work." He watched the other with dark eyes.

Matt glanced back, "Well if all it takes is turning some posters at angles we won't be able to be roommates." He stepped back admiring the work he had completed. "It's just one step but it's better than nothing."

Mello took a deep breath forcing normality despite the moment. "Sure is. Want to get dinner or something?"

The red head nodded, "Sure." He gave a final look at the wall before a small appeared on his lips. He slipped by the other barely brushing but just in his breath, Mello believed he heard a sentence and not just of any variety. Very gentle, very soft but very much there, '_Watch your neck, Mello.' _


	51. Hollow

Authors note: Well it certainly has been sometime since I've updated. Sorry about that. Hell, I don't even know if anyone is still reading this but I don't blame you if you're not. If you are by the magical chance know that the next chapter is nearly done and should be posted tomorrow. So those that are reading please read, review and enjoy.

Hollow

_Watch your neck, Mello…._

For the last three weeks Matt had been completely normal for all he could tell. The red head said rude things, left the place a mess and widely ignored his criticism just like old times but this wasn't like old times. Despite their laughter and smiles it didn't change the tension that had followed them into their new found relationship.

He hadn't slept in weeks due to that cryptic warning. What exactly was he supposed to do about that? Watch his neck? He sighed quietly to himself feeling Matt stir against his leg. The red head had fallen asleep leaning against his leg playing some kind of hand held game. He had paused it for him but most likely the batteries would die before Matt woke back up. He felt the smile spreading on his face when he thought about Matt blaming him for it in the morning.

The morning. Even that sounded cryptic to him now. He had missed weeks of work in fear of leaving the red head alone in the apartment. Sure, he had done it countless times before but that was before he was aware of everything that was happening. He didn't want to take his eyes off of the other because he felt like if he did he would come back to a completely different person. That didn't matter much seeing as it could happen at any time. He thought back to the first time he believed he had met M after Matt's accident. The accident that M had caused for reasons only he understood. Matt had even convinced the Task Force that he would work better away from the main headquarters although he was always on call by Raito.

He leaned back against the couch breathing in deeply. Not only did he find out that Matt, no M had slept with Near but he also was running around with the head of this task force. He had taken to watching the phone conversations with sick interest as Matt attempted to keep up the image that M had created. Oddly M could mime Matt but Matt could not mine M. The red head was always self-conscious, awkward and soft spoken but there were many things bubbling under that surface and that was enough to frighten him.

"Matt." Mello's voice was soft as he nudged the other. "Matt if you're going to sleep go in bed."

He watched a green eye flick open before the other sat up a bit too aware after being asleep for nearly three hours. He didn't speak instead pushing himself off the floor and giving Mello a leveled look as if to ascertain that it really was Mello speaking to him. Slowly he sat back down on the floor in front of the blond and smiled gently, almost serene.

"Mihael," he began gently watching as Mello sat up straighter. "I apologize for allowing M's charade to continue on this long. You see it was never my intention that either you or Nate believed that he was the only one residing here." He leaned forward as if attempting to get a better look at the others face in the darkness of the room. "But I assure you there are many, many more under the surface and you have only had the pleasure of meeting three."

Mello blinked, "Three?" He echoed. "I'm assuming that Matt is not included." The other shook their head. "I've met you, M and whom?"

The other's smiled turned into a full grin. "Watch your neck, Mello." It repeated in the same cold tongue as the original warning. "There are those of us that don't find you to be needed any longer but I could beg to differ. It was the idea of seeing you again that made sure Matt didn't off himself once you left him. Well, after the first few weeks at least."

Mello winced. He never thought that Matt would try to hurt himself that way if he left him but then again he was never fully aware of how dependent Matt was on him until just recently.

"I'm not going anywhere." He said for what had to have been the hundredth time but this time it wasn't to Matt to reassure him but to this personality sitting in front of him. "Who are you that you're taking the time to actually talk to me?"

The person blinked before shrugging. "We do not have individual names Mello, there is no need for that. We are Matt and Matt is us, if that makes sense to you. You see logic fails when it dictates that we all have to be one." He shook his head. "My time is waning. I came to warn you. Until Matt takes control of his own life and his own problems we hold more power. Like I have said there are some that want Matt to do without you some that do not care for Matt's wishes and others…" There was a long pause. "That wants to live without Matt entirely. They view him as weak and potentially expendable."

"But he's not." Mello insisted instantly. How could they think of Matt as being expendable when he himself couldn't think of a world where Matt wasn't walking around and breathing?

The other shrugged lightly. "I don't know Mello. While his relationship with you is stable Matt is stable." He smiled lightly. "That doesn't mean much to you but it helps his conscious quite a bit. They have less power if Matt is more willing to fight them off." He moved to stand but Mello still had many questions to ask. "Although I still wouldn't go making enemies with M. He's actually quite insane."

Mello snorted, "I could have only guessed that much. What makes you feel that way because I have quite a list going already."

The other shook his head, nothing of this person spoke of Matt. Matt slouched while this person stood fully showing his full height. Despite the calm, almost meek voice his eyes were sharp, as if watching and waiting. He didn't twitch nor did his eyes move about as if he were looking for something new to toy with to get his eyes off of Mello. No, this person continued to watch him, green eyes uncovered to their full intensity and there was nothing but interest. It was almost same interest that scientists have while they prod rats relentlessly to get them to do what they wanted as if it would prove their research. This person was looking at him like he was an experiment, a funny and entertaining experiment. Mello knew from that gaze that it wasn't the one he was just talking to.

"And what can I do for you?" He asked aloud as the other tilted his head, a small smirk playing on his lips. "Any other revelations you want to include me in? Anything else you want to warn me about?"

The smirk grew but the other didn't respond. He still languidly walked down the hallway towards Matt's old bedroom. Once the door shut Mello released a breath he hadn't known he had been holding and closed his eyes.

There were few things that he still understood. One was that the trauma of finding out about his parents had opened a gaping hole for these other personalities to flitter in and out through. The other was that he was more scared for Matt than himself and the last, well he finally understood what he looked like as a killer. He had saw it deep within these green eyes the sadistic smirk playing on the others lips wasn't that of interest as he first thought. No, it extended further, deeper than anything he wanted to think about.

They had failed Matt and now it was up to them to save him. Inwardly a small Judas voice told him…._too late. _


End file.
